So being new to this I'm trying to figure out what things to avoid? So obviously, I know we can't look at porn images, movies, etc anymore. But what else should be off limits? Should we try to avoid anything that would bring up a sexual thought? Like if you see something, or think of something that gets you aroused, should that be totally avoided. I'm just trying to figure out how the rewiring of the brain occurs. If i just don't look at porn or masturbate does that work, or do I need to get rid of anything that may result in sexual thoughts....even if I do not act on them through masturbation?
Hey Brandon - I think it's different for everyone here. The main goal is to stay away from PMO, which is to say, the progression of looking at porn, and masturbating to orgasm. So obviously P&M are avoided. After that, it gets tricky. Personally, I have to be very careful, and extremely vigilant with my eyes and my thoughts. I have a tough time looking at a beautiful woman and not imagining what I would like to do with her, so I do my best to "bounce" my eyes away if I start looking at a girl with that intention. There have been many times that I've seen some chick on the street or at the beach, or wherever, and began to fantasize about what it would like to be with her. Later, I would go online and try to find P with a girl that fit her description or looked similar, and would go straight to the MO. Because of that, I know that is a trigger to avoid. I don't claim that this is the case for everyone, of course. But over the course of my journey I've learned that I have to basically avoid anything that gets me aroused or might even lead to getting me aroused. Hope my thoughts help.
One of the things I used to do was webcam with other people....strangers I didnt even know in real life. I was talking about this with another person here. Just talking about it, relating my experiences to his, turned me on, but it wasn't sexual to the point where I was masturbating or going to look at porn. But I admit I was turned on and I did feel like I had blue balls after that. So like was that bad? Does that keep the brain from rewiring? Did I just set myself back to Day 0? I just ask kuz I think, at least for me, I need to discuss what I did and why I did it to get better. But then I become aroused just doing that. Im just wondering how to go about all of this? What things to avoid and what is ok?
This is one of those things that you'll have to figure out on your own, but hopefully the guidelines that others have set for themselves will clue you in as to what is best for you. I would say that if you were relating experiences to the point of becoming aroused, maybe you weren't simply relating, but fantasizing. And I don't think that's a good road to go down if you're trying to rewire your brain. Porn, thoughts of porn, imagining porn, and fantasizing - any of these things - to the point of arousal, is most likely giving you some kind of dopamine boost. I wouldn't (personally) reset my clock if I started fantasizing a bit, but again, that's up to you. It's your clock, hopefully you're in this to conquer yourself, not compete with anyone.
so, like any kind of fantasizing or retelling of things that have happened, even if you dont view images or movies is still bad if it makes you aroused?
Bad is relative. Don't think of it as bad, but as a minor slip up. Do your best to avoid things like that if the arousal is going to tempt you into PMO. But, also, don't dwell on fantasies like that at all since the reaction in your brain is similar in strength to watching porn. If you have a thought, cast it out by concentrating on more important things.
Just a suggestion, obviously don't go staring at porn with a raging errection coz that's going to be hard!(pun intended!) But I might be wrong? When I was quitting smoking I used to keep a packet on me the reason being that as humans we value our autonomy, freedom to choose etc above all else (probably!) and the theory was that when we are denied something we crave it more (think what happened during prohibition!) and so when i still had cigarettes I was CHOOSING not to smoke, it was my choice rather than something I had no choice in and we humans don't like being told what to do (or is that just me!!:-D) But it can also do us good to confront our fears to build up our tolerance to them. I just guess personally though I can't see the point or need to look at porn anymore. I don't drink so I don't hang around bars etc. I don't know, tis personal? If you look at that quote i have in my signature it kinda works like this. Suffering is the fire in which we burn our attachments. So if we go without something we are addicted to we temporarily suffer. But that suffering is necessary and if we use it wisely it becomes the fuel that we use to move us forward. But we still like to choose for ourselves? Try it with something else. Even if you just think it through. If your told you cant have something you want it more! Its the old forbidden fruit thing and look what happened there!! I hope that hasn't confused the issue??!
i dont i guess really think it was bad....i thought it was fun....i just dont know how the brain works and all the rewiring stuff and all that
All this I learned from other guys in here. Try not to think anything sexual. Never go there. You can watch a movie, or go out and talk to beautiful girls but always keep that sexual though at bay. Don't play with it. Keep it out at all cost. When you remember porn that you have watched try to imagine it in a smaller frame and make it black and white to full contrast. Now imagine that it gets slipped away to the side so that it's out of your view. The same way you can scroll/slip on an iphone. Finally think of a pink Elephant instead. The porn will most defiently pop into your mind again but just repeat the exercise. I learned this tip from another gut in here. Works wonderful on me! Don't use the internet too much. And more importantly don't ever ever ever use the internet when you're bored. Cause boredom and internet is just a dangerous temptation for the brain to look at porn! Think of porn and masturbation as forms of escapatism. Do you really want to escape or do you want to confront and fight your addiction? Last but not least. Do that thing you always wanted to do; paint, write poetry, exercise for a marathon, read a book, get great at talking to girls etc etc... Use this interest as your new escapatism! Whenever you have urges ESCAPE to your own place doing what you love!
I was feeling so tempted tonight to look at some instagram ladies, just a peek! Thanks for posting advice here. I know it will be damaging, so screw it! I am going to do push ups and go to sleep instead.
