Thinking about dating for the first time

To start off, I just want to be honest with myself. I've never been on a date in my life nor have I ever had a girlfriend (although I did had some romantic experiences). One of the reasons why I've been thinking about dating for the first time is because of my friends and some people that I know. In 2018 alone, there are 5 people that I know that are getting married (including my best friend). Even though I'm 29, and I still have some time for female companionships, it's gotten me kind of worried.

Another reason why I've held back against girlfriends and relationships is obviously because of porn....I've lost all interest in connecting with real women. Furthermore, I've hurt too many females that I've known in the past, and at the same time, I've been hurt myself. I kid you not, there was one woman who used me to cheat on her husband. Not only did she lie to me, but there was some awful experiences and heartbreak after she left me. And I mean awful...Also there's family, cultural, and medical reasons why I've decided not to date.

I would consider myself kind of picky, but in reality, I'm just scared to love again. At the same time, everybody is getting married and shit, while I'm falling behind. Sometimes I don't understand why certain people have to go through so much suffering and heartbreak while others don't experience much at all. And yet they still have a happy life with whomever they're with.

On the other hand, all of these experiences have led me to a conclusion: To order for me to love again, I have to take a risk. I don't know if I'll get hurt again or if I'll hurt someone else, but all I do know is that I'm not getting any younger. Therefore, I've made a goal for myself, that I'll date at least one person for the new year. And I'm praying things will go well. I'm starting to realize that a person can be lonely for only so long, and for me, I'm getting to that point. Anyway, wish me luck everyone and Happy New Year to you all.

 

Sometimes I write these kinds of posts for advice and support, but I guess honesty can work just as well, although it can be unexpected. I had to think pretty hard about what you said, and how I was going to respond. I realized that most of the things I mentioned about myself wasn't very encouraging at all. Especially to those who were reading my post. Even though I've had a lot of bad experiences with women, I actually remember all the goods things that have happened.

One of the best things that has happened to me was getting promoted last year at my workplace; that was after earning my college degree. I have a goal to move out someday to a warmer area, so I can study horticulture and plants. My confidence and happiness in myself as well as my achievements has progressed in many ways. I feel better about myself and what I'm capable of doing. I even have a fulltime job, a car, and enough money to move out someday. Sometimes you have to acknowledge the positive things that are happening in your life rather than the negative ones, and that was something I clearly wasn't doing.

But what does this have to do with dating and relationships though? Well lately, I've noticed my interaction with females are becoming more frequent. When you work in a large retail store like I do, you are bound to communicate with women, and that includes customers and your co-workers. And apparently, I've found success in dealing with both. I can count this as a positive experience. Furthermore, it gives me an opportunity to go even further, perhaps going on a date with a co-worker or someone I might meet in the store.

On the other hand, thanks for making me aware of what I was saying; I only focused on the negative experiences I've had with women and that was it. I realized that if I continue to behave in this manner, I'll always be hesitant, fearful, and unwilling to expose myself to the dating world. I guess I was just a little depressed and angry when I wrote that thread a while ago, with most of my friends being married and all. And if I keep continuing to focus on my past experiences, it will never help me in the long run. Besides that, most of the information on your post helped me kind of snap out of it. So thanks.