Time to find some support

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Soulherb, Jul 31, 2019.

  1. Soulherb

    Soulherb Fapstronaut

    Hello Fapstronauts,

    What do I say as an introduction to the community?

    Maybe the first thing is that it’s been a long time since I participated in an online community. Yes, I have social media, but I haven’t participated in an online forum since the early days of the Internet (I’m a bit older than I like to admit). I found offline relationships more satisfying, and online seemed to take away from those, so I walked away. I’m working on writing a book, and I’ll need to promote it eventually, so this could also be good practice for when that time comes. Bear with me as I get re-acclimated. As for more about me, I’ll share as time goes on, whenever relevant.

    It wasn’t porn addiction which brought me here. I have battled other addictions in my life. Some I overcame, while others are a work in progress and will likely always be (I’m also quitting smoking again, with a few weeks in). When others speak of an addiction I haven’t had, I tell them the only difference between us is that I didn’t have the opportunity to develop their addiction. We all have addictions to something (with maybe a few exceptions – there are always exceptions when speaking of humans), and porn is just another drug of choice, one that does not involve an external substance.

    No, I came here because I’ve been fapping since I was at least 4 years old, once a day before sleep, and occasionally more often. It was a nightly ritual, ingrained before I even knew what I was doing, and it didn’t seem possible to ever quit, even though I have always felt a sense of shame over it. I once heard a joke, as I’m sure many have, that 90% of the population (faps), while the other 10% lie about it. Everyone does it, so I should just let it go, right? But the shame persisted.

    A few years ago, an older gentleman I had come to respect revealed to me that he quit fapping. I was skeptical (to say the least) and he affirmed my skepticism, telling me he could scarcely believe it himself but that it was possible. I thought he was just one of those few exceptions I mentioned above, but it allowed me to believe it was possible.

    When I read one of the numerous articles about this community, my belief moved into the realm of doable (you mean there’s enough people to form an entire community?!). I started to make attempts to quit. 3 days was a major milestone, followed by 5, and then a whole week. I even got to 3 weeks once and experienced what I now know to be “flatlining” which, as reported by others, scared me into fapping again (the orgasm was actually painful, a first). But 7-10 days seems to be the barrier for me: a moment of weakness, followed by caving to the urge, followed by a strong chaser effect that I can’t seem to resist until depleted, leaving me empty and ashamed again. After this most recent fail and seeing the pattern, I decided to reach out to the community.

    Part of my motivation is spiritual. I don’t like being mastered by anything, whether that is an outside substance or my own biology. I have overcome a lot, but this is the most daunting challenge yet. Can a person overcome a (literally) life-long habit?

    I now believe I can, and I now believe I need support for that.

    With that said, I have found it more useful to help others as a way to help yourself. Accountability partners and groups have been very helpful in the past. Not only does it help to not feel alone (and I suspect part of my problem is isolation as I write my book), but when we help someone else, we often help ourselves.

    So, my primary interest is in helping others here. I know that, if I commit to doing so, I’ll get what I need in return (it seems to be a law of the universe). Suggestions for how I can do so are most welcome and sought.
  2. Hello and welcome! :)

    We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

    Getting Started Guide | How to Use the NoFap Forums | Panic Button |Day Counter | Rebooting Resources|Forum Rules | Glossary

    If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

    There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!
  3. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    Heyyy welcome to the NoFap forum : ) It's nice to see you here fighting the good fight alongside us!

    I would strongly advise you to be active on your profile; start by choosing an avatar and then make daily posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement. They've got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see. People will find your profile and give you
    You should also consider creating a public journal (in the appropriate sectionfor you ) and write about your days in more depth for us members to follow along on your journey!

    Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!

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