Told wife about porn/cam relapse

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by dannyboy91, Apr 7, 2020.

  1. dannyboy91

    dannyboy91 Fapstronaut

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    Good evening.

    As title suggests, I've just told my wife about a pretty bad run I had a couple of months ago with porn which led to going on cam sites and acting out on there. This has happened before and she has forgiven me, but this has been an ongoing thing for a few years now.

    I feel sick that I have betrayed her again, why would I do things that cause so much pain to the person I care most about in the world!? I understand this is a serious addiction I have and know that it doesn't define who I am, but the shame and guilt of this addiction are too much sometimes. I've actually wished before that I was addicted to drugs or something instead because there would be less shame (I know this is stupid to think).

    Anyway, I just felt that I needed to post on here for some encouragement/advice. I don't need to be told what an idiot I am for doing this to my wife (believe it or not I have experienced this kind of thing on this forum before).

    Thanks guys!
     
    kropo82 and +TenPercent like this.
  2. Anakin66

    Anakin66 Fapstronaut

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    No addiction is a good addiction. I can only encourage you to accept that you have made mistakes and that you can become better with time. We tend to be extra hard on ourselves, especially when we repeat an error. However, our attitude towards redemption is very important. Remember everyday is a struggle and that what matters most is that you face this struggle each time.

    I heard it's always supposed to be hard at the beginning. It's not that it gets easier with time either, it's just that you build more courage to deal with your struggles and this increases your chances at an overall improvement.

    Keep up the fight, and keep moving forward to the unknown!
     
    dannyboy91, Joe1023 and +TenPercent like this.
  3. You've taken a great first step by admitting that you have a problem.
    Chances are that your confession did hurt your wife. But, it's the first step in rebuilding trust and stopping the harmful behaviour.
    Now, what are you going to do so that you will never hurt her (or yourself) again?? What does it look like to you?
    Consider taking some real action. Install accountability software. Give all your passwords to your wife. Go to a 12-step meeting for sex addicts like yourself. Start seeing a CSAT (certified sex addiction therapist). Throw away/delete all your porn. Get rid of anything and everything that is linked to your acting out.

    Those are just some ideas. Decide what makes sense for you. Talk it over with your wife and ask her what makes the most sense to her.
     
  4. This is EXCELLENT advice! The only thing I would add to it is to get yourself some serious accountability! Get an AP or 9! If you go to an SA meeting (which I HIGHLY recommend!) make sure you get yourself a sponsor there who you can confide in and talk to daily!

    Best of luck, my friend!
     
  5. Les_Brown

    Les_Brown Fapstronaut

    First and foremost, it takes courage to confess to anyone in person, especially the woman with whom you exchanged vows. So, kudos to you.

    Have you had an opportunity to share this with her, specifically? I don't know you or your wife, but if there's one thing I think most women appreciate is emotional vulnerability. That means a man willing to share his thoughts/feelings with his woman, while also eliciting hers as he looks into her eyes, is fully present, and just listens attentively.

    I noticed your original post didn't focus on your wife's emotions - not saying it should or that you're neglecting her feelings. I'm just wondering where she stands in all this and to what extent she supports you?
     
    Lilla_My likes this.

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