Tricky place in the relationship, a little NSFW trigger warning.

I can’t love this enough. So much truth here. When a woman feels loved and desired and safe,her desire for sexual intimacy would blow most men away! Sex is generally the first thing that diminishes when those things are missing.

 

It's not, I assure you. My husband has been in solid recovery for a few years now and we are very close. He is on these boards. He rarely posts but he does read. When he read this thread his comment was, "once they hit recovery, they'll get it." You have been more open to recovery ideas than most this early on and very open to examining yourself and that is a good sign. Don't lose that drive to move yourself forward and make yourself a healthy man.

 

In line with the brain model of addiction, it is said that what generally occurs is an exposure to stimuli which can either be unconscious or conscious, and then it is followed by a trigger (anger, boredom, anxiety, etc). After the trigger is where your recovery will continue or fall backwards and this is contingent on either healthy coping mechanisms or maladaptive coping mechanisms. If you have maladaptive coping mechanisms, then you will continue to descend until a relapse occurs.
You need to identify your triggers, first and foremost. Once those are identified, you can start to work on healthy coping mechanisms.

When my husbands addiction was first discovered, he relapsed 3 days after. The device he used for it was his smartphone and the environment was the bathroom. What we did was eliminated both those, first by no longer allowing phones in the bathroom, to eventually switching to flip phones. Since we are both students, we did still need the technology to connect to our classes, so in addition to flip phones, we both have tablets. This method worked for 2 years until he relapsed using his tablet while sitting on the couch while everyone was asleep. He didn't MO, just watched P, but the damage was still done nonetheless. Now, his tablet is put up nd he does not access it unless I am home. He is never alone with it. He is often alone with his computer in our bedroom/office, but neither of those are the method or the environment that was used in the past. Even still, if he feels his energy start to sway in "that way" he leaves the bedroom and eliminates his own access to electronics for a period of time.
Recovery will take a shift in your schedule and it will take work on your part. The question is, what are you willing to give up to fight against this addiction? If internet is not needed at home, you can give that up. If a smartphone is not needed, you can give that up. This is what it took from my husbands part in his recovery. He gave up videos, movies, free access to the internet, etc. At first it was hard for him, but he has since learned that he is so much better without that stuff. Not only is it an avenue to porn, it is also a big time sink.

Look at it from this perspective: if you were an alcoholic, what would you be willing to give up to get clean? What if you were a drug addict?
If you look at it from the perspective that you're losing out on something then recovery will be harder for you, and subsequently, harder for your girlfriend to learn to trust you. If you look at it in such a way that you're not giving anything up, rather, you are gaining something by redirecting your energy toward more fulfilling things, then that is where your recovery, and your relationship will go towards. In the end you will be gaining more by giving up things, even if it is hard to see that now. You'll be gaining a better understanding of yourself and a healthier relationship with those around you, which is more fulfilling than anything the internet has to offer.

 

What are you doing for recovery? Do you have an accountability partner (not your girlfriend)? Are you attending a 12 step program with a sponsor? Are you seeing a sex addiction therapist? These are things that will help you build the tools and coping mechanisms needed to overcome your thoughts and urges.