Troubles with edging.

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Captain Woodsy, Aug 3, 2020.

  1. I'm having a lot of issues with edging. I know it's definitely not good but I'm really having some difficulty with it. Anyone have tips to help me beat it?
     
  2. Wdym help you out. We're hear to quit all of that stuff.
     
  3. CC887

    CC887 Fapstronaut

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    Be mindful of the triggers. Does it happen at the same times of day or in a similar setting? Play close attention to that and see what you can do to change those patterns.

    As with all addictions, like smoking or whatever, this is a learned behaviour within the brain’s reward system.

    So try and fight this from a behavioural psychology kind of perspective. Change locations. Hang out with friends or family more instead of having a lot of alone time. Try to force patterns of micro exercises. Feel an urge? Do 30 push-ups. Feel it again? Do a minute of planking.

    Look up ways that smokers quit and apply similar ideas.

    Sexual urges are a deeply ingrained drive that you are trying to retrain. Sexuality is normal and healthy, it is the excessive masturbation and use of pornography that is not. Still, habits are plastic and malleable as long as you are consistent and find ways to avoid triggers.

    Most importantly, be kind to yourself. This is a hard path. There will be ups and downs. You can do this.
     
    Jayfour and Knighthawk like this.
  4. If you're allowing yourself to edge then you are not being sincere with yourself. Treat it like PMO, which it is
     
  5. Usually when I'm alone and bored and can be in any part of the house. Sometimes even when I'm out of the house I tend to get urges but I don't do anything unless I'm at home but my mind still races.
     
  6. CC887

    CC887 Fapstronaut

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    That makes sense. It is the same with me. It is hard. You need to avoid triggers but when the trigger is being alone and bored then that is hard to do. Also, this is a fundamental drive that this community is trying to control. It is not easy.

    Is there any interest or activity you want to pursue? I mentioned trying to fight urges with exercise but you can try a lot of different things. The main idea remains the same, you want to recondition a mental response.

    Our brains are very mechanical. Habit and things like dopamine condition behaviours. This makes changing habits really hard, especially things that are so linked into our reward mechanisms. But if you are consistent, you can use this mechanical nature to your advantage and condition a new response.

    It usually only takes around a month for new habits to form. You just need to pick something aside from edging and do that when you get any urges. Eventually, your brain will make that connection. The usual things are:

    Deep breathing/meditation
    Exercise
    Counting in your head
    Something artistic, like piano or guitar
    Going for a walk
    Repeating a kind of mantra or something

    But only you can pick the activity that works for your context. Then it is a matter of will power. It will be hardest in the first few weeks but, in time, you can change the way your brain responds.

    Sometimes people will journal or will have an elastic around their wrist as a physical reminder of what they are aiming for. Something to keep them focused on their goal.

    Just do not get obsessive. You want to condition a healthy lifestyle, not an obsessive one.
     
  7. I do play drums of course that can only be done during the day. I don't think the neighbors would appreciate it at night lol. Apparently people can hear them from across the entire neighborhood. I think I can find some other things; night time seems to be the worse for me.
     
  8. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    This seems a great start, @Captain Woodsy:
    • You've identified a trouble spot (night time);
    • Figured out that having something other than edging to do is helpful;
    • And recognized that you need few more 'other things' to choose from.
    Once you've addressed this last one, I suggest making a list and having it nearby as evening comes. Then - before it gets too late - spend a little time every night identifying which of these 'other things' you will be turning to that night. In other words, have a clear and definitive plan laid out before hand.

    Keep doing the next right thing...
     

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