Trying to gain back my SOs trust

Day 750.

Yesterday we had the baby scan, and it turns out, we will be having a baby boy! Tan was pretty dissapointed, she was quite psyched for another girl, but I would have been genuinely either way. Saying that, I'm definitely warming to the idea of having a little lad running round the place!

Tan did say yesterday, though, that one of her worries of having a boy, was that he would end up having PM problems in the future. Admittedly porn probably will be an issue for him at some point, but I honestly feel like we are in a better position than most to guide him to make better decisions. Obviously it will be a difficult thing to bring up, but I'm sure that we will do our best.

Today, I got bored of self isolation, so started laying some more wood flooring in the porch, then I'd like to build a bench with storage compartment to make it kind of a "mud" room, so dirty shoes don't get walked through the house. Quite enjoying the DIY so far.

 

Day 752.

Yesterday was pretty productive. I managed to get all of the rest of the wood floor laid in the porch/conservatory /vestibule (we never really know what to call it...) got the skirting board fitted and we even found time to paint it. Today I finished off by cleaning all of the windows in it.

Today Tan had her first day back at work since we had to self isolate, mine is tomorrow. I've had quite a good day with the girls, did some tidying, watered the garden, and enjoyed the sun while the kids were playing outside. Generally just enjoying my last day before being back at work.

Going back to work is going to be very strange. I have kept up to date with things that are going on in the lab, and a lot of things have changed over the last couple of weeks, with people being redeployed into different departments, and other labs requiring more space in other areas to carry out testing. It will take a bit of getting used to I expect.

 

Day 754.

Getting back to work yesterday was very strange. A lot of things have had to change, but there is still a lot of change to come over the coming days and weeks, especially in terms of how specimens in our lab are dealt with, and I'm being given a lot of decisions to make, and it's becoming quite stressful.

Anyway, we have a long weekend off for Easter, and even though we have only been back to work for 2 days, I'm glad of the time off (2 days back has felt like a long week...)

Obviously, spending the time off will be spent at home but hopefully it will be chilled out so we can get back to work next Tuesday recharged and ready for more stress and change.

 

Day 756.

Yesterday went well. After sorting the porch, I have decided to start a new project to build a storage bench in there, so we have somewhere to sit and take off shoes, like a bit of a mud room. I've kind of developed a love of making and building things. To put my mind to something, plan it out and make something that at the end I am proud of is a great feeling.

At the moment, getting materials is somewhat difficult, and quite interesting. But today I successfully managed to get some. Tomorrow I plan on continuing with the project, and doing a bit of painting to finish off some rooms that have needed sorting for months.

Today has been spent with Tan and the kids outside in the garden for most of the day, making the most of the sunshine, playing and messing about. It's been good and I'm sure the kids have enjoyed it too.

 

Day 759.

Yesterday I completed the bench project, save for a final (hopefully) coat of paint. You can tell its a DIY job, but I'm pretty proud of it. I think it's given me a bit of a bug for making things.

I remember as a kid, loving to build things from Lego to model cars and even, for an admiteddly short time, Warhammer figurines, and even though its just a storage bench, its rekindled that childlike joy in making things.

The weekend went really well, and I got a few other tasks done in the house, including painting a patch of bare plaster in our living room that has been there since the building work finished months ago...

I was a little anxious of getting back to work today, but after a meeting with a manager and a consultant we have agreed on how we will be working going forwards, which means some work to do on protocols etc, but I know what I need to do, instead of feeling like I'm just making things up as I go along.

The rest of the day has gone well. I have been using half of my lunch break to take a walk, and today was no different. I quite enjoy talking a walk, and the place is pretty quiet at the moment, so it means it's a pretty peaceful walk as well, gets me into a good frame of mind in the middle of the day.

 

Day 762.

The past couple of days has gone well. I'm currently doing 120 pushups and 120 squats per day. There is obviously scope for change to that, but regardless of what it's doing to my body, I'm staying consistent at it, and I'm enjoying it (most of the time, though late at night when all I want to do is lie in bed and sleep, its difficult...)

I found out yesterday that I have been given an interview next week (finally) for the "promotion" I applied for months ago. Obviously, the situation we are in has meant it has taken longer but we are here, and I have a lot of preparation for it.

Tan has also had her consultant review with her obstetrician, which means we have now been given a date for the C-section! Tan will be giving birth to our baby son on 7th September 2020! Exciting times ahead!

 

Day 766.

Today was the day of my interview, and I was nervous.

I've spent the past few days revising for it while not working (and while on breaks and lunch), and even after all of that and feeling confident that I'd done as much as I could (and being the only person being interviewed) I was still nervous.

This was the biggest interview I've had but on the flip side, would have been the most embarrassing not to have got (just because I was the only interviewee).

I am incredibly grateful to be able to say that I was successful in my interview and the hard work has paid off. I think a lot of it is attributable to the fact that I am quite enthusiastic about work, and I'm glad my enthusiasm has been noted.

And tonight we celebrated with a Chinese takeaway, which I am already regretting due to the onset of some terrible palpitations...

The rest of the weekend went by pretty well, though we have had some pretty bad tantrums from our youngest, especially at night, and early morning, so probably just tiredness, but it does make the start and end of the day a bit more difficult, and sometimes leads to differences of opinion between me and Tan on how to deal with the situation, but we are still doing well.

I have continued my streak of working out, with an increase on the number of pushups I'm doing, from 30 to 50 each set, meaning I'm doing 200 a day (which is a definite PB for me), although this morning and tonight I have dipped back down to 30, with the intention of picking it up to 50 again.

I feel like I'm developing good consistency in several things now, and it's making me feel pretty good about things, though being in lockdown is taking its toll, but working in the NHS, Tan and I both know that it's for the best for now.

 

Day 767.

I feel like I'm still on a bit of a high from yesterday, and I've made some excellent progress in solving a problem encountered at work, which has made me feel even better, as the problem was causing me a massive headache. Getting those kind of problems sorted really kind of puts you on a high (I know, I'm sad...)

So it's safe to say, I am feeling pretty good about things, but Tan has had a bad day at work, with different stressful things, and trying to hold back my happiness for Tans stress has been hard, as I don't want it to sound like gloating, but it hasn't stopped me still feeling good.

I have found myself feeling particularly sensitive recently, becoming overwhelmed with emotion at things that wouldn't normally have affected me. The other day, Tan and I were lying in bed on before getting up on the morning, and our eldest daughter was with us. Tan played some music, and I started crying. I think it reminded me of my mam, but listening to music, usually wouldn't have made me feel like that. I think it's actually possibly to do with Tans pregnancy. I know it kind of sounds stupid, like I am having sympathetic pregnancy symptoms, but the same thing happened when Tan was pregnant with our daughters, so I think it makes sense. Just means we are both crying more for no real reason...

 

Day 772.

This weekend has been quite good, though we did nothing in particular, we did have a nice, mostly tantrum free, time together. About the most we did was go shopping and put washing away.

I have kept up with my workout as well, and have only missed one evening so far. I feel like I can see a difference, so that kind of keeps me going, as well as not wanting to break the "streak".

We did spend a good amount of time in the garden as well, enjoying the weather, playing with the kids and soaking up some rays while we can. Just the simple things that you don't always get the time to appreciate.

Work hasn't been too busy today, but I'm sharing my lab with a few other departments at the moment, so it means that I've got constant disruptions to my work though the day, and it gets a little irritating, I just have to get my head down, and crack on.

Tonight has gone nicely, and the kids have been pretty good, except for a little tantrum before bed from our youngest, which if I do say so myself, I handled pretty well. Both of them are down, and Tan and I are now laying in bed, possibly about to chill with some TV before sleep.

 

Day 777.

The last couple of days have been busy, stressful, and kinda shit. I have been very busy updating processes and Thursday was very busy in terms of workload, and I was accused of not properly prioritising work by a consultant, who then complained to my senior about me on Friday. That meant that both Thursday and Friday I became a little overwhelmed with different emotions. On Friday I was asked by manager if I wanted to put in a complaint, which I declined.

Possibly another cause of emotion is that today was my Mams birthday, and being stuck in lockdown hasn't helped (admittedly my Dad called around for a secret coffee...)

Tan has been amazing the past couple of days though, and although I'm sure it bores her to listen to me talk about work so much, she has leant me an ear and a shoulder, and also cooked an amazing meal for last night.

We chilled out, watched TV and had sex twice last night. The first time we have done it twice in a day for some time. Possibly the emotion led to it(not that I like the thought that I was using sex to numb my emotions, but it helped me feel better, and I enjoyed the closeness it gave us), but Tans pregnancy may also have played a part.

I guess today though, being my Mams birthday, has made me think a bit more about the fact that our unborn son will never know her, other than through stories we tell of her, and that has obviously made me sad, and it does break my heart. I'm just glad that, for now at least, our eldest still has good memories of her. The kids today for the most part, have kept us preoccupied, and keep us thinking of the good things.

 

Day 779.

The weekend was nice, and work free, which was good. Today wasnt too bad, I've felt pretty tired all day and I'm glad to be home to be honest, but otherwise its been okay, though I've struggled to maintain my attention on computer work.

We only have tomorrow to go and we are off for a week, though we won't be doing a great deal, probably some DIY and tidying etc. We were meant to be going away on holiday with the family, but we obviously won't be doing that anymore. The second of our trips away that have been cancelled (not that I'm bitter of course...)

I'm hoping that a week away from work will reset things so to speak, because the incident last week has made me somewhat annoyed with it, although showed that I have some pretty good support from my managers and work friends when things aren't great.

 

I agree, I have another project that is more like the model cars I used to make. A 1972 VW T2 campervan, though it is a long term project as it has taken quite a while already, and there is an awful lot to still do.

I still love playing with lego, and was desperate for our kids to be old enough to use them as an excuse to play again!

 

Day 782.

Yesterday felt like quite a lazy day but I think we did a decent amount, and to be honest, we were both knackered by the end of the day. I was still pretty tired this morning too, but that was probably because we had a shower and sex quite late last night... (how irresponsible!)

Today started off okay, I had to run to the post office to pick up a parcel, but with the restrictions in place at the moment, it took a lot longer than usual, but it was a nice morning so I didn't mind queuing outside for a while.

Tan went shopping later, and I took the kids for a pretty long walk around town. It was a glorious day, but we happened to walk past a closed park and that send the youngest into tears, because she wanted to go on the seesaw with her sister. I managed to get her to walk back home in the end though.

This afternoon we had a BBQ and set up the kids paddling pool in the sun, and had a genuinely good time. Though not quite as warm as Spain (where we should be right now...) it has been pretty warm and the time off work in the sun has been a welcome reprieve.

 

Day 786.

This weekend has been pretty good. We did admittedly visit Tans parents with the kids and had a drink in the garden with some food to celebrate my mother in laws birthday on Saturday, but it was really nice to talk with them again over a drink.

Yesterday has been good as well, though the weather has turned, we enjoyed the day stuck inside while it rained. I went shopping for groceries and we didn't do a great deal more.

I've stepped up my workouts a little to include weights as well starting yesterday, still doing 100 pushups each morning, but replacing the additional 100 pushups on an evening with a weights workout doing a variety of different exercises with them, I'm gonna try some different ones out tonight.

I've quite enjoyed lunch with the kids as we've decided to have a family meal together instead of snacking, and the kids have loved it too, great for while we are off together but obviously we can't do it while we are back to work.

 

Day 789.

We finalised booking a trip at the end of July yesterday, just in the UK obviously, but we will be driving and camping in a 1976 VW campervan which, if all goes to plan (hopefully!!) it will be awesome.

Today I was back at work, and had my first day in my new role as a Specialist Biomedical Scientist (yeah, I'm showing off my fancy sounding title...), but it went well and without drama. I spent most of the day reviewing SOPs and sorting out new processes for different things. Tomorrow I will be in the lab again, and I've gotta show a consultant what I do in there.

Then it's the weekend, after a very strenuous 2 day week. I think I might manage it though.

 

Well, if it doesn't go ahead, we won't have lost anything as where we have booked with will just rearrange the dates. Our fingers are crossed too, as it will be nice to just get away, even if we can't really do much. To be honest, I'm mostly excited about driving a campervan!

 

Day 792.

This weekend has gone by quite well, obviously not a huge amount done, other than cleaning, grocery shopping and tidying.

Tan made an awesome Lasagne today, which unfortunately went down like a lead balloon with the kids, but Tan and I both enjoyed it, and we have some to take to work tomorrow too.

We were foolish yesterday, however, and allowed the kids to have a treat from their "treat drawer" way too late in retrospect, and we paid the price of tantrums until over an hour after bed time. And tonight we had some mild tantrums too, though fortunately not as bad. That could be down to chocolate pudding...

In some awesome news I have felt Charlie (that's the name we are rolling with for baby No 3) kick for the first time today, and it was cool. Always struggled to feel the kicks with our first two, but today it was pretty easy to feel, and Tans still only 23 weeks. I may still get more opportunities yet

 

Day 794.

Work is going well so far this week, trying to step into my new role further. I hope to keep making improvements to the service, but as with before my annual leave, it does offer more stress with it, and I am still glad to get home on an evening. Current circumstance do make things more difficult from a H and S point of view, as well as a logistical point of view but we are getting there.

I do enjoy getting home and spending a bit of time with the kids before bed, bathing and reading a story, though the little one doesn't always pay too much attention while I read. The kids bedtime is also sometimes a blessing, as a bit of peace before we head to bed is definitely welcome.

I have managed to stay consistent in my exercise, having not missed a day for weeks. I have built on my workout as well, incorporating weights as well as pushups and squats. Unfortunately I have also gained a little weight at the same time, so have had to buy some new trousers. Tan says I look better for it though, so I think I'll live.