Usually feeling good, but sometimes a bit down about it all

Seem like me. Sometimes we feel we are confused about our emotions. We know being in a romantic relationship has many many manyyy problems in real life than on tv. The relationship is somehow deceiving cuz we only see the "happy sides" from outside. Personally, i think the problems in being a relationship are outnumbered problems in being single.

We knew that but somehow we still want a relationship. From my point of view, it's because we're not fulfilled with ourselves, so we need someone to fulfill the empty emotional hole for us. And tbh, they can't fulfill it, at least for me. Even now I'm with my girl, I'm still...empty and sometimes angry inside. This shouldn't have happened, but it has. For me, no one can fulfill my emptiness but me. Being in a relationship won't fulfill me, instead fulfill myself first, then the relationship will be automatically fulfilled. But i know, the temptation to have a relationship is still there, it's like pmo, itsi deceiving, we know it yet still want it.

I've never picked any girls. I'm introvert, shy, reserved and scared of having a gf cuz of all troubles. It's uncomfortable to see lovely couples everywhere on street. However, i still managed myself to be single and not fall in love with any girl. Then i met her.

So u see, i did not try anything. The only thing i tried is to be comfortable with the loneliness. Then something just happened. Loneliness is beautiful. Even if i didn't meet her, i would still be ok alone.

I know 42 years old can be a long time. You can sometimes feel very lonely. U have a best friend inside u, connect with him/her, then maybe something will happen. Even when it doesn't, ur best friend is still there for me. Don't lose that connection. It's the loneliness that attacking us, but it's not from the outside but inside.

Hope ull be ok.

 

You've come to accept the past failures... but the question is what do you really want?

You didn't say you didn't want a relationship. You just listed all the possible things that might go wrong.

There's no guarantees in this life. Not everything works out. Every thing that you take a risk for might not work.

So just make sure you know what you want.

Relationships might not work, but being on your own also might not work. So you might as well go for something that you want.

You can make a list of horror stories and negatives for nearly anything in life in order to justify not going for it.

 

Listen to metalcore, black metal or any kind of extreme metal works pretty well with my anger . "F*** it all" is a cool decent emotion