Voyeur / peeping tom

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Nadamotain, Jun 3, 2018.

  1. Nadamotain

    Nadamotain Fapstronaut

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    I would like to write about some of the behaviours that preceded and led me to porn.
     
  2. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    And I will read about some of those behaviours.
     
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  3. Nadamotain

    Nadamotain Fapstronaut

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    Well here goes. First thing is I'm an only child and I don't know if that is important. At around 10 years old an older kid in the neighborhood was kind of a leader for those of us that had dysfunction in our family. We would look in windows at night. Those my age were clueless why but there was a feeling of getting away with something. No sexual attraction at that point.
    The true act of voyuer peeping tom stuff started after my first masturbation orgasm. I was 14. The first woman I watched while masturbating was my mother. It was easy because I was alone most of the time anyway.
    That summer I started night sneaking to peek in the neighbors windows. They had an older daughter and younger daughter. Remember I was 14, lonely and juices flowing.
    I don't think sounding like Penthouse Forum is going to be helpful here so let me just say that that behavior continued until I was in my early thirties.
    I am convinced looking at pornography and masturbating is an extension of that voyuerism addiction.
     
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  4. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    I did some of that in my late teens and maybe early 20s. I think porn replaced that for me.
     
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  5. Navegante

    Navegante Fapstronaut

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    Porn has a voyeurist side, no doubt about that. And it can also develop that fetish even more.
     
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  6. Nadamotain

    Nadamotain Fapstronaut

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    The peeping tom thing also has the adrenaline rush of danger associated with it. Getting caught sneaking around to find a view can put one in jail and cause embarrassment for self and family. Thankfully I'm 67 so no way that is possible. Pornography, until 12 days ago was providing those chemical rushes. Now I'm learning what real love, passion, and compassion is with my wife.
     
  7. Vandermeer

    Vandermeer Fapstronaut

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    Is interesting, because I have seen all members of my close family naked every day, since I was a baby. So there never even occured any idea inside me to fantasize about any one of them.

    It is true, there always have been triggers for masturbation by being voyeuristic. When there was no photography possible yet, there still have been erotic/pornographic paintings, scripts, books or sculptures around. The whole sexual stimulating world moved from the back chamber closet, the late night cinemas, the worn panties collection and smutty pictures into the easy accessible, 24/7, all for free, mostly anonymous virtuality. No one has to sneak himself out anymore, into some filthy sexshop to get his stuff, he can access it with his smartphone during worktime or in school. I believe everybody has his own personal early memories that lay the ground, whatever makes him going later. The circumstances of the first sexual encounters seem to be very conditioning for peoples sex life. So, watching actively an older sister or neighbour girl secretly needed at least some balls at all, because the risk to get caught was always there. You had to risk something, but you dared, because your horniness pushed you forward, even if it was forbidden. That is in no way the same level, as just clicking and opening a forbidden page to fap on it´s content.
    Porn is just a permanent running stimulating illusion. Nothing is real. Not the lust, not the setting, most often not even the bodies of the actors. Soon we will have complete virtual produced porn, that looks like real and with VR even the possibility having closer and better sexual simulated experiences without any real connections to other real humans at all. And of course porn industry will exploit and marketed it, there will also come up the question, if it´s legitimate to censor any fantasy/virtual abusive or taboo scenario, if it´s just virtual anyway. But it´s all out of hands already.
     
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  8. Peter Pettigrew

    Peter Pettigrew Fapstronaut

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    I hope you don't mind that I use this as an opportunity to confess. It's strange how shocked I was reading this part of your comment. I don't think I'd ever thought I would read something like this or that I would find the courage to say to anyone that I too peeped on my mother. I was a young teenager (about 14) and it happened by accident. I remember looking through the keyhole of her bedroom to see if she was still awake. I saw her and my stepfather having sex. I knew I shouldn't have been turned on by it but I was. It made me feel really guilty but guilt only makes sexual fantasies stronger. I looked through her keyhole a few more times after that night and stopped a few weeks later when I was almost caught. I would masturbate about it but not necessarily to the thought of her. It was the excitement of seeing sex in real life and the knowledge that I shouldn't have been doing it that made it enjoyable.
     
  9. Nadamotain

    Nadamotain Fapstronaut

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    I'm being honest about what I did to shine a light of awareness. You, I think, are doing the same. No way that Oedipal complex thing started out of thin air. The more we reveal honestly the less power it has over us. Maybe we all will become stand up comedians with the "Mom Thing" as our bit. No disrespect to the moms out there.
    Seriously, I am tired of hiding that crap-carrying that guilt like a sack of lead.
     
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  10. Nadamotain

    Nadamotain Fapstronaut

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    Such a good post. No matter whether then or this coming futuristic Caligula, we are all responsible for how we feel. And we are all responsible for what we do about what we think.
     
  11. Peter Pettigrew

    Peter Pettigrew Fapstronaut

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    Lol. You first. But yeah, I think this is an issue that loads of people deal with. It's just that it is not something anyone truly feels comfortable speaking about. Just as there's the Oedipal complex, there is the Elektra complex too. I don't think that that came from thin air either. But thanks for sharing your story, man. It's felt good dropping that weight after all these years. Bless
     
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  12. Reverent

    Reverent Fapstronaut

    As @Nadamotain points out there can also be a separate and concurrent addiction to the rush of not getting caught.
    While Porn is essentially voyeuristic itself, (you watch others perform at your own pace ,pauses and rewinds through 1-way glass). Real life chasing peeps can cause a greater sensation because of the risk envolved.

    I suspect quitting Porn is easier for a peeper, but stopping fantasizing and desire for risky behavior will often be the lingering draw.

    Here is what I know. Whatever safeguards, accountability software, cancelled subscriptions, deleted stashes or what have you will aid in rebooting, but to someone who gets a rush by hiding and remaining stealth your clever brain will invent a new way to "capture" sex. Be very wary of the cries for the rush of adrenaline before the rush of dopamine.

    Let me validate your ego, yes you are Good, you never got caught, congratulations you are not in jail. Now don't ruin that blessing, so quit while you're still ahead. Stay away. Nothing good actually comes of it.
     
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  13. Nadamotain

    Nadamotain Fapstronaut

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    Yes I found that to be true. I just got tired of the risk when I could "legally" use porn.
     
  14. RecoveryBegins

    RecoveryBegins Fapstronaut

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    I myself had this problem. It didn't start as young as you did. I am 27 right now, and this problem started quite recently. I can attest to the fact that it is an extension of porn addiction. What preceded my 'peeping tom' actions was indeed porn. But what stopped me from doing it anymore was the fact that the police got involved. Here's how it went.

    I live alone in this small 1 bedroom house. The house next door is a girls' hostel. Not the ideal environment to be in for a sex addict, I know. Plus being alone fuelled my isolation to inhuman levels. Anyways, back to the story.

    When I used to come home after work (at around 6pm) I hear the girls laughing and having a bath nextdoor. It's this open outdoor shower where multiple girls bathe together. They're obviously well clad, but I didn't know that at the beginning. So I used to peep over the fence. I had to climb on top of the dog house roof just to get my head over the wall. It was risky as hell.

    The risky part fuelled my desires, I think that is what we addicts crave the most : the rush of the moment.

    This went on for a few days. No one noticed anything. But one day, one of the girls saw my head peeping over the wall. There were screams and the next thing I knew, I was rushing to the nearby church to say the rosary and pray that God protects me from ever getting caught. If I ever got caught and was charged publicly, that would be the end of my life as I knew it.

    The next day, I didn't even return home. When I came home late night, the landlord said that the police had graced the next door premises and questioned everybody. Luckily, the chief suspect had been some labourers working nearby who had had a track record of such activity. So I was off the hook.

    But that was the last time I ever risked my entire livelihood for a few seconds of momentary pleasure. If you're a peeping tom, I urge you to think about the possible repercussions of your actions. Think about your family, your job, your reputation and everything in between, before you put your fapping ahead of your life.

    Thanks!
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2018
  15. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    So, this is maybe a dumb question, but like if something like that were to happen, is the right thing to turn yourself into the authorities? Or is vowing to not do it again and feel bad enough? I only ask because I have crazy guilt from a voyeuristic thing I did like almost 4 years ago and although it was brief and I snapped out of it pretty quick after I realized what I was doing and never have done something like that again... I still just feel sick about it. Like I need to confess to someone or something before I can officially move on from it. I’m so naive to all this stuff and mostly I’m just a scared female.... so if I’m freaking out about nothing y’all have permission to laugh at me ha.
     
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  16. +TenPercent

    +TenPercent Fapstronaut

    Just my opinion here, but it doesn't make much sense to turn yourself into the authorities for something that you did briefly, four years ago and haven't repeated.

    What does make sense, if you still feel guilt for what you did, is to talk about it with people that you trust. You are starting to do that here. Keeping it a secret is what makes it feel so awful.

    This is common practice in 12 step recovery. There is a lot of healing that takes place just in sharing these things with someone else, preferably someone who has had similar experiences and has been able to move on from it.

    I do know people who have turned themselves in for crimes that they committed, and for them, that was what their heart led them to do. It may come to that. But the first step is to talk about it and to find some wise council. Turning yourself in should never be an impulse or a rash decision. It's our first instinct when the guilt comes up because it will end that guilty feeling (and cause a whole mess of other problems) but it's not necessary.

    Lastly, it is possible that even if you did turn yourself in, the cops would just say, "that's nice young lady, but we've got bigger fish to fry. Why don't you let it go?" That kind of sounds like what we might be secretly hoping for, but would that really bring you any relief?

    Keep talking about it with people that you trust, people who want to help you. I think you'll be able to move past it.

    And, sorry but one more thought or option. Ask yourself - is there some action that you could take that would help you set that right? You may be surprised what comes to mind. Perhaps simply volunteering somewhere for a few hours might do the trick as you tell yourself that you are doing something good for the world to make up for the harms that you did to others four years ago.
     
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  17. Mindy

    Mindy Fapstronaut

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    Appreciate it! I just feel terrible that I could peep on someone I care about who has no clue that I did. But, me and this person have a good relationship now and I have not done any other thing to break trust. I need to work on moving on and letting go of this one tiny thing.
     
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  18. RecoveryBegins

    RecoveryBegins Fapstronaut

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    I agree with @+TenPercent . You don't need to turn yourself in, as long as you open up (NoFap and or group talks are the best places to do just that!) and get over the guilt by confessing to someone. That does help. Telling this story to you guys helped me a lot to move on from my past and put the last nail in that coffin.
     
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  19. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    I never would go that far to peep. Well more like I don't think there are any known source or opportunity. I however have an urge to look at women cleavage whenever they bend down....Dunno if that counts. I try to distract myself by focusing on whatever task I was doing at hand.
     
  20. 18 jaar

    18 jaar Fapstronaut

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    The virtual part is very scary. I will be hard for futher generations to quit VR porn
     

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