Was my neighbor hitting on me last night?

JustADude · Jul 5, 2016

So, I am out celebrating the 4th at our neighbor's house. My wife left early (around 9pm) to get sleep for work the next morning. I left at midnight. When I got home, I started thinking my neighbor was trying to hit on me.

Which made me feel uncomfortable/conflicted. Why? (a) Because I don't want to cheat on my wife ever, (b) Abstaining from PMOing makes me nervous about being in a sexually tense environment, (c) the neighbors (a married couple) were encouraging me to come hang out more often and I could use some more adult interaction in my life, (d) I am not sure she was hitting on me, it could have just been the alcohol and my own sex starved state.

Her advances were VERY subtle, so, they likely weren't advances at all, but, I want to see what you all think.

1. Her and her husband didn't want me to leave even though it was already midnight and I expressed I needed to get the young kids to bed.
2. I have only met her twice before, but at the end of the night I was saying goodbye, shaking her and her husbands hands, but she insisted on a hug.
3. She rubbed my back in a circular motion for about 3 seconds while she was suggesting something. I can't remember what we were talking about during that moment. At the time it was weird, but not too out of place. I kind of remember thinking it was one of those comforting don't worry about it gestures.
4. There was a lot of talk about me coming by for a few beers in the future after the kids go to sleep to hang out with her and her husband.

All of these things could easily be explained by the fact that we live in a rural area and we don't have as many opportunities to hang out with other people, so having guests over is nice because it doesn't happen as often. The neighbors were probably just expressing the fact that they were missing the social interaction they had when they previously lived in the city. They could easily be explained by someone being more touchy-feely than I am used too in a non-sexual way.

Should I be concerned? more careful? should I tell my wife (I don't want to cause unwarranted or unintentional tension between us and the neighbors)?

I appreciate the advice.

Willpower23 · Jul 5, 2016

umm threesome? jk lol but really don't cheat man and maybe they are having trouble in their own relationship and like to have a 3rd person or ppl so they arent to themselves? also i wouldnt think about it too much i mean, the husband is right there and must know that shes very friendly (wouldve been an issue for me) and since ur their neighbor with kids. probably thinking ur a good guy with a good family im sure... and don't say shit to ur wife man!! does she know about your PMO issue?? also it would suck if she went over and said something and turned out to be completely wrong. u have an angry wife (thinking ur think of the neighbor's wife) and a very weird situation with the neighbors (wouldn't be the same again). just be more careful and bring ur wife every time u go there and if she can't come, maybe don't go and make up an excuse??

not that i'm scared of my SO but i fear disappointing her and i wouldnt wanna change the way she view me either....plus she'd kick my ass if this was me in that situation and probably wouldn't let me touch her again "go to the neighbor's house!, sure shes good and willing" i'd be like biiiiiitch jk but yeaa....

i hope this was some what helpful?
good luck on ur mission brother!!
"go beyond, plus ultra!!!"

vulture175 · Jul 5, 2016

i think it's just social interaction, nothing more. yes tell your wife that they invited you to have some beer in the future after taking kids to bed , also don't overthink about smt sexual

ILoathePwife · Jul 5, 2016

I certainly would not jump to threesome!

Some people are just more touchy/huggy and they may well just be looking for people to hang out with. However, if I was concerned, I would make sure my husband went with me to the next get together. See if they act any differntly.

Veritech · Jul 5, 2016

Very sad that our porn warped minds go right to the thought of a "threesome".

Perhaps this couple liked you because you were friendly, funny and they liked your company.

I don't think that friendly neighbors on July 4 is an event of any relevant significance.

Willpower23 · Jul 5, 2016

@Veritech and @fupornwife , sooo no one noticed the "jk" (just kidding) afterwards? even said not to cheat or anything but ok. not tryin to be an ass about it either. just saying from what i seen through life, couples that want someone with them like that usually can't stand together alone or find each other boring in some sense... but again the threesome part was just for giggles. so , sorry if i offended anyone...

JustADude · Jul 5, 2016

@Willpower23, I knew it was a joke. And my guess is that the other posters might have known it too. It is still valid to point out that you (and me, even though I didn't mention it) had that 3some idea enter our heads in the first place (even if it was a joke). Maybe it was PMO addiction or maybe it wasn't, how the hell am I supposed to know, I have been PMOing since before I knew what a 3some was. I'll never truly know how different my thoughts could have been had I never found porn.

As for moving forward... Since I did have a strong feeling last night that there was some intentional 'hitting' going on, but basically zero conclusive evidence. And... I think I have a decent 6th sense for picking up on vibes people are putting out. I am going to play it safe. I'll only go over there with the wife until I feel satisfied that my mind was just playing tricks on me that night. I'll always avoid 1 on 1 situations with her (I think that is a good general rule for all married men).

thanks for the advice everyone. As usual, just coming here and writing my thoughts down helps me process my feelings, and your comments are icing on the cake.

Ted Martin · Jul 5, 2016

I too think it could be completely innocent and would suggest not jumping to conclusions. I know some women that are just more touchy feely than I am. My p influenced brain tends to jump to something that it's not. But like the comment already made be sure that your wife is along with you in the future and see if the behavior changes. That could be very telling. I'm not sure I would say anything to my wife yet as there isn't anything overtly inappropriate that's happened yet. If your wife is with you the next time she could help you be a better judge and provide some helpful perspective too. And, if there really are intentions on their part for something more to happen they will escalate their advances and then you and your wife will know and can adjust from there.

AllanTheCowboy · Jul 5, 2016

The only one that makes me wonder at all is the rubbing your back. So, pay attention to it next time, and have a reason you need to leave at a certain, earlier time next time so you don't get stuck there if you feel awkward or triggered. But it's probably nothing.

A2937 · Jul 7, 2016

My suggestion is that you set firm boundaries for yourself (and your wife) if you haven't already. I would suggest that neither of you spend time with members of the opposite sex alone, except for work if you have to. It's a good idea to not even go to dinner alone with someone you might be attracted to. Talk often when either of you are traveling or apart, etc. This kind of stuff might seem extreme, but most people are not as strong in the face of temptation as they think they will be. I'm sure you and your wife are fine people (I'd give all married couples this same advice), but I would advise that neither of you even get close to the line. Adultery is devastating.

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