Was thinking of giving in, wrote this instead (motivation)

Found myself considering relapsing tonight, tried writing something instead.

Ask yourself how many times before you are satisfied? Will you look back on this relapse with content, or will you look back with great regret, shame and disgust, staining this period of time for the rest of your life. You will probably look back and think 'oh, it was around that date I failed again, or that happened around the time I relapsed again'. Why make yourself suffer through that regret again, pulling the weight of failure, that horrible shame, that monkey on your back again for the foreseeable future. We often think about how life is like a roller coaster, we go up for that high and then back down again. The times are constantly changing things seem like they're getting better and then boom, back to square one. Why must you continue to repeat this cycle? What is stopping you from continuing that high and reaching new heights? Nothing but your own will power, strong will power is key to greatness and that is what we strive for right? Then how do you expect to achieve anything when you don't even have the will power to stop yourself from doing something bad? You don't even have to do anything, you just have to not do something! If you want a hot woman, you have to be the man that she deserves. Not the weak boy that wastes his energy on a screen. You can continue to be the strong man that can dick her down good like she deserves. While our demons try to sabotage us, find new excuses, use micheavious trickery and illusion to steer us off our path to victory. We can admit that these are sometimes powerful forces. Fear not, for we are also powerful and each time we resist this we get stronger. Each time putting another notch in our belt, picking up new skills and tools along the way to aid us as we get ever closer to who we strive to be. Becoming more and more proud of ourselves everyday to were we are comfortable with who we are. What we have been through, what we have overcome. We can now just freely be ourselves, look our friends and family in the eye, talk to that hot woman and be that respectful and social icon. We all want that high level character in the video game right? Think of fighting this like fighting a big boss in a video game. This boss might be hard af sometimes but will we give up and settle for a low level character? I think not, because we're a fucking better player than that and this woman drops tonnes of levels, let's fucking go.