What do you think caused your PA + religion question

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Hopefulgirl, Jul 7, 2017.

  1. My husband started out as a masturbation addict with porn thrown into the mix 14 years ago when we got our first computer. We have been trying to figure out how it started and why. His family is extremely Christian fundamentalist and he was told regularly as a child that he "would be going to hell" for this and that. Sexual expression was of course frowned upon and teenage self exploration was a front row ticket on the train to hell. So he developed a chronic masturbation addiction fueled by shame. I am wondering if anyone else's addiction was started by misguided religious judgement and what other factors contributed to your masturbation/porn addiction.......
  2. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    First of all, that's just bad Christian doctrine. No one goes to hell for sexual behavior. People go to hell because they reject Jesus Christ as Lord--plain and simple. (dozens of people who read that will take offense to the suggestion that non-Christians are going to hell ... but I'm not here to debate that or start a religious flame war. I'm just saying that his parents were using bad doctrine)

    In any case, the Bible is very sex-positive. God created sex. It's supposed to be pleasurable. The entire book of Song of Solomon was essentially written in a state of intoxicating lust.

    Now, having said that, there are a lot of boundaries over how sex should be explored, and there can definitely be a lot of shame for that. What helped me was realizing that God loves me just as I am, mistakes and all. I have a God who understands intimately how I feel--because he inhabited a human body and knows what sexual arousal feels like. I'm sure there were days when Jesus woke up with morning wood. :) It doesn't give me license to simply do whatever I want or whatever feels good ... but being aware of God's grace certainly lifts a lot of the shame that only served to make the addiction worse.

    Was his family also emotionally disengaged? Were either of his parents emotionally distant? Did he find that he got more approval and attention when he performed well (in school, in church, or otherwise)?

    Patrick Carnes (sex addiction pioneer) says that 80% of sex addicts come from emotionally disengaged families. I know I certainly am.
  3. Josh88

    Josh88 Fapstronaut

    Yes. Growing up I heard many misguided religious claims. For example, I grew up with the notion that masturbation was a sin. In this case, people often referred to Genesis 38:9-10 to claim (out of context) that masturbation is in fact sinful. In other words, Christian fundamentalists would argue that the Onan story condemns male orgasm outside of act of procreation, and that the only permissible way to have an orgasm is with one's spouse. And so, anything outside of that is sinful.

    What about those who are single? Are single people not allowed to have orgasms? The Onan story, taken out of context, would say no. That misguided belief fueled my shame in my addiction to PMO as a single person.

    While the Bible is silent about masturbation, the Bible, specifically the apostle Paul says that we must not allow ourselves to be "mastered by anything" (1 Corinthians 6:12). I know I can be mastered by compulsive masturbation if I am not careful.

    I would agree with Superfan. The Bible is very sex-positive. Sex was invented by God. We are hardwired to lust. However, sex is meant to be expressed within healthy boundaries. For me, breaking a sexual boundary means watching porn in order to masturbate. Porn is like a supplement that is not necessary to have an orgasm. Humans were designed to reach orgasm without porn. My addiction began because I believed I needed porn to survive. Therefore, masturbation in and of itself is not necessarily going outside the boundaries of sex, or for that matter, sinful. I personally see masturbation as a gift from God. But like any gift, I am prone to abuse it. Just like the gift of eating; eating is good but I can abuse it by overeating or engaging in gluttony.
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2017
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  4. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    20 plus years of anti depressants caused my ED. All porn did was help my cum faster to not lose my erection. I didn't look at porn for a month before my reboot. Porn isn't the central issue to me but the detox is still worth it. To me NoFap is experimental. No real success with the little pills
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  5. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    This is one place where we're in total disagreement. And that's okay ... but I have a hard time imagining many situations where masturbation wouldn't be sinful. Maybe if it's a case of mutual masturbation where you and your spouse are doing it to turn on the other ... but that's about it.

    Otherwise, it's inherently selfish, inherently isolating, inherently filled with lust (often after women who aren't your partner) ... I just don't see the gift part.
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  6. I've seen and read some stuff I shouldn't have. Haven't you heard of triggers and warnings? I know that you're adults and all but sheesh. Really gotta be so explicit?
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  7. Themadfapper

    Themadfapper Fapstronaut


    Just make up your own religion with your own holy book why hijack the old ones?

    How the hell does discouraging masturbation and not allowing it turn someone into a chronic wanker? Damned if you do and damned if you don't I guess? I guess they should have provided him with lots of porn and lube so he would not develop a wanking addiction. " you feel free to express yourself, son, this is a guilt free environment " Some behavior is shameful and you should feel guilt for it.

    Are there more chronic wankers in a strict religious society or in our own porn filled society. It's a rhetorical question and the answer is our own porn filled society.
  8. ACupOfMugs

    ACupOfMugs Fapstronaut

    CCC 2352 clearly says that masturbation is a sin. There may be situations when the fault is reduced, but basically masturbation is a mortal sin.
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  9. Masturbation is a sin because it requires lust and also God didn't create sex to be done selfishly to yourself but shared consentually within the institution of a marriage.
  10. Josh88

    Josh88 Fapstronaut

    SuperFan, I appreciate and respect your opinions and your beliefs. I think, however, your response misrepresented what I was trying to say by only quoting one sentence of my argument. If you take my whole argument in context, you will see that I consider masturbation as a gift only when it is not being abused.

    We are sexual beings. We are hardwired to lust and to be sexually attracted to the female form. Therefore, I don't think we are sinning against God for something that He himself programmed in us.

    Also, I think masturbation can be an alternative option for those who do not desire to marry or have a partner.

    I am aware of Jesus' words on Matthew 5:28. That lusting after a woman who is not your wife is sinful. I would agree with that. Careless masturbation can take you on that road. PMO also applies to this. With that being said, there are ways to masturbate without thinking about a specific person. There are ways to reach orgasm with just physical sensations and no fantasy. Some people can actually reach orgasm withouth even touching themselves. It is not necessarily selfish. It's self care.

    Here is where we might agree: When masturbation becomes compulsive, habitual, addictive and takes the place of God for one's ultimate happinness and self-worth, then I would consider that sin.
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2017
  11. MindfulAchilles

    MindfulAchilles Fapstronaut

    Two sexual abuse incidents. That's how.
  12. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    Ah, I always love when someone pulls out a few cherry-picked Bible quotes and act like they've just dropped the mic.

    You have to look at those verses in context with the rest of scripture, @Themadfapper. Otherwise, you just wind up with horrible doctrine like @Sadgirl's in-laws.
  13. Themadfapper

    Themadfapper Fapstronaut

    Who are you to say @Sadgirl's parents had bad doctrine or misinterpreted the Bible. Maybe like Joseph Smith you had some vision from God, but you're clearly lying about what is written in the bible or you never bothered to read it and decided to go by your feelings, logic, and intuition

    "Cherry picked"! It's the whole fuckin' new testament! What is this fucking context that says all kinds of sexual behaviors are OK, or that you won't go to hell for it? Next, I'm gonna hear that the Bible is accepting of homosexuality or whatever other bullshit modern day Christians come up with. Even though the Bible is clearly entirely the opposite of accepting of it.

    I'm not even a Christian, but the gigantic amount of bullshit from people claiming what the Bible says is sickening. It's not healthy and it's no good. Propagating lies is bad business. Someone starts claiming for example that the KKK was pro-black, founded by black folks, and fought for equal rights, and you all go along with it and "interpret" the doctrine in its "context" to make it support this claim. This is confusion, unhealthy and destructive. To the outsider who is educated on these matters they see this sort of thing as stupid, foolish, and insane.
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  14. I was hoping this wouldn't turn into a bible argument, I was just wondering if others felt shame about sex and became masturbation addicts as a result. That being said, I appreciate the viewpoints and discussion.
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2017
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  15. I am really sorry that you were traumatized in that way :(
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  16. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    Not in my case sadgirl
  17. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

    I grew up in a household that held both Native American traditional ethics and fundamental Christianity beliefs.

    Neither ever spoke or taught me about masturbation or sex in general. My parents never told us they loved us because they said providing us a roof over our head, food to eat, and clothes to wear was all we needed to know.

    Christianity was the only religion I ever knew. I was told looking at porn would send me to hell. I didn't start watching porn until I was in my 20s actually. But when I did start watching, I couldn't stop. Than I would hear some preachers making fun of those who watched porn and masturbated as if trying to shame us. But irregardless of all that I continued to watch it and do it daily.

    Anyways Im not blaming Christianity or my parents for my porn addiction. But I do see some correlation in between. Like trying to shame us only made us more curious. Not only curious but its made us resort to secrecy and not seeking help out of fear of being humiliated.

    I do believe that when Christ said "whoever wants to be my follower must deny himself, pick up his cross and follow me." He was talking about any kind of selfish addiction. Masturbating, in my opinion and my beliefs, is probably the selfish thing we do. The Apostle Paul once said that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit.

    Interesting topic tho...
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  18. Josh88

    Josh88 Fapstronaut

    No. It is not "the whole f.... new testament!" as you claim. You picked 3 books (letters) of the new testament. That is not the whole new testament. In fact, there are 27. Slavery in America was justified because people did not look at the Bible in its historical context. They cherry picked the pro-slavery texts.
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2017
  19. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    First of all, you need to read the Bible with something above an elementary-school level of critical thinking. If you'd done that, you'd realize that the issue isn't whether or not "all kinds of sexual behaviors are OK". Many behaviors are clearly condemned as sinful. But people don't go to hell because of sin. They go to hell because they have no forgiveness for their sins, because they have not accepted the free gift of God's grace through Christ. That is the fundamental message of the gospel. You are free to accept or reject it at will. There are dozens of scriptures that talk about how God's grace essentially erases our sin from His memory.
    "As far as east is from west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

    “Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

    "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

    "I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more."

    "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more."

    "The Lord is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him."

    Shall I go on? There are about 50 more of these. This message of the gospel--the message of forgiveness of sins--is the fundamental reason why Christians worship Jesus as Lord and are beyond thankful toward him.

    (Cue the typical, "oh, so Christians can basically sin as much as they want with impunity" retort)

    Your understanding of scripture--particularly, your understanding of the scriptures on salvation--made that pretty evident. You didn't need to tell me.

    Yeah, well, sometimes people like @Themadfapper who have issues with Christianity can't help themselves. They have to come in with their pompous pseudo-intellectualism and ruin a perfectly appropriate thread.
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  20. Estus

    Estus Banned

    You're a hypocrite of the highest order. As are all those that only accept the parts of the Bible that are convenient for them.

    Every single post you announce your religion and do your own "preaching" yet you have the arrogance to consider your flawed and "cherry-picked" interpretation of the Bible to be superior to what is written?

    Learn some humility and stop looking down on others from your moral high horse.

    Here is a verse from the Bible I believe describes your type.

    Always having to announce what you are for recognition from others.

    You would know what pompous is!

    For you, hypocrite.


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