What to do if life doesn't go your way?

V∧DΞR

V∧DΞR

Fapstronaut
Hi. I usually don't post stuff here. But here I go.
I am an introvert, at least for the past few years of my life. I have very few good friends. I used to be really good at most of the things in life few years ago, had a lot of friends, used to be expressive, used to get good grades and shit. But ever since PMO came in, the whole situation seems to have turned.

I don't want to complain about PMO here but I wish to talk about the life related part.

It feels the part of me which used to work hard is dead and all what remains is the current me, loner and a to-be looser if things go on this way. No matter how I make my mindset, like I will work hard and do things, never end up happening. And when things don't go the way I think, I feel depressed and commit die feelings kick in, once it reaches a certain level.

Is it ever possible to bring back that motivation that I once had towards life? Will it be ever possible to make myself as expressive as I used to be? I just feel stuck, can't seem to find a way out.

The only that is keeping me alive are just a few close people who know me. But how long will they stay if things go this way? I feel as if I have built a false image of myself, people have expectations, the current me is unable to meet them and it just is crushing me.

Is it even worth it? Should I just open up and say that don't expect anything from me and tell that I can't do anything. OR how do I even make that mindset of productively doing things?

I can't even type what I want to say.
 
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I appreciate that you've admitted that life isn't going your way and that's completely ok.

My golden tip is to go see a therapist who can help express your feelings a lot better (esp. since you said at the bottom that you couldn't even type what you want to say).

I'm no therapist myself but just from prior knowledge and past experience, I can try to help you out with the best of my ability.

I'm sorry to hear that you experience suicidal thoughts and depression. Try to change your mindset and don't reflect on what kind of person you were before, a hard working individual, that will only make matters worse for yourself as you will attempt to strive to become who you were in the past.

You're a new and older individual now. I don't know how long it's been since you have changed due to NoFap but think of yourself now as a new person. What can you do NOW in the PRESENT to make yourself feel accomplished.

What I want you to do RIGHT NOW, is to list everything you want to achieve on paper or on a notepad on your computer. Now out of the things you've listed, choose one thing you want to achieve the most. Then break that thing into smaller parts so you are able to achieve that specific goal. Every little helps.

What you're doing right now is brilliant. Asking for help and continuing with your NoFap streak. I'm already proud of you.

From your post, I can tell that you're not really an introvert and more of an extrovert. You've mentioned that you want company and that the few close people who know you are what's keeping you alive. I'm glad to hear that but don't think about the time when they'll go away. Don't think about their expectations too much because it's IMPOSSIBLE to know whether you satisfy their needs or not. Friends come and go (as do girlfriends in your life), it's inevitable sometimes and it's sometimes out of your control. How about try and talk to older friends you haven't met in a while online? It doesn't hurt to.

Hopefully I helped in some way shape or form.
 
greatvortex said:
I appreciate that you've admitted that life isn't going your way and that's completely ok.

My golden tip is to go see a therapist who can help express your feelings a lot better (esp. since you said at the bottom that you couldn't even type what you want to say).

I'm no therapist myself but just from prior knowledge and past experience, I can try to help you out with the best of my ability.

I'm sorry to hear that you experience suicidal thoughts and depression. Try to change your mindset and don't reflect on what kind of person you were before, a hard working individual, that will only make matters worse for yourself as you will attempt to strive to become who you were in the past.

You're a new and older individual now. I don't know how long it's been since you have changed due to NoFap but think of yourself now as a new person. What can you do NOW in the PRESENT to make yourself feel accomplished.

What I want you to do RIGHT NOW, is to list everything you want to achieve on paper or on a notepad on your computer. Now out of the things you've listed, choose one thing you want to achieve the most. Then break that thing into smaller parts so you are able to achieve that specific goal. Every little helps.

What you're doing right now is brilliant. Asking for help and continuing with your NoFap streak. I'm already proud of you.

From your post, I can tell that you're not really an introvert and more of an extrovert. You've mentioned that you want company and that the few close people who know you are what's keeping you alive. I'm glad to hear that but don't think about the time when they'll go away. Don't think about their expectations too much because it's IMPOSSIBLE to know whether you satisfy their needs or not. Friends come and go (as do girlfriends in your life), it's inevitable sometimes and it's sometimes out of your control. How about try and talk to older friends you haven't met in a while online? It doesn't hurt to.

Hopefully I helped in some way shape or form.
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hey man .. u gave really good advise ,, loved it .. keep the good work
 
Also Vader, thanks to Gurdev informing about this but there's actually a private messaging system on NoFap. You seem to be more experienced than me on this website considering your stats. So if you have any questions regarding my post or want to talk one to one, feel free to message me and I'll gladly help you out!
 
Really honest story, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I tried to think of some advice but it all came out cliche and not very personal. But I do wish the best for you. Amazing that you are able to open up on here :)
 
Thanks for the advices, greatvortex, Sosuke Aizen PeterGrip and Gurdev Thakur.


As greatvortex said I have made a list of goals on notepad and now will be breaking it into parts, to work on each one of them. I also found out some mistakes that I've been making since a few months that gave me a false sense of achievement which might have led me to this state. I will work on correcting those mistakes ASAP.

I did sort of talk about this situation to my family, they were disappointed (They have all rights to be.) but at the same time they were supportive too. They advised me to take a positive approach towards things I face in life and not to worry too much if things go wrong.

I also talked to a friend of mine whom I've not talked for couple of months for now. We talked about each other's academics.


This week is going to be jam packed with assignments, which I will give my best on.

Now that I feel a little relived and more aware of my problems, I will try to maintain the focus and work on them positively.



Once again, I thank you all for helping me out.
 
V∧DΞR said:
Hi. I usually don't post stuff here. But here I go.
I am an introvert, at least for the past few years of my life. I have very few good friends. I used to be really good at most of the things in life few years ago, had a lot of friends, used to be expressive, used to get good grades and shit. But ever since PMO came in, the whole situation seems to have turned.

I don't want to complain about PMO here but I wish to talk about the life related part.

It feels the part of me which used to work hard is dead and all what remains is the current me, loner and a to-be looser if things go on this way. No matter how I make my mindset, like I will work hard and do things, never end up happening. And when things don't go the way I think, I feel depressed and commit die feelings kick in, once it reaches a certain level.

Is it ever possible to bring back that motivation that I once had towards life? Will it be ever possible to make myself as expressive as I used to be? I just feel stuck, can't seem to find a way out.

The only that is keeping me alive are just a few close people who know me. But how long will they stay if things go this way? I feel as if I have built a false image of myself, people have expectations, the current me is unable to meet them and it just is crushing me.

Is it even worth it? Should I just open up and say that don't expect anything from me and tell that I can't do anything. OR how do I even make that mindset of productively doing things?

I can't even type what I want to say.
Click to expand...
If nothing turns out right go left
 
Life is full of ups and downs, it looks like you are going through rough part now but don't lose hope. Years ago I was feeling depressed and lacking any sense of purpose, I thought there was no hope. Now I have a family and an overall good life, things got progressively better, part because I tried, part because that headwind was gone. Don't give up!
 
When you say life doesnt go your way, i know what you mean. For a long time, i felt life was something that "happened to me"...circumstances, situations, mostly bad ones that i didnt enjoy, just come crashing into your life and youre a passive party powerless to stop these things happening. I dont think like that anymore. Life is what you make it. Everyday you are free to sculpt your life into something that makes you happy. Stop doing things that dont make you happy. If they dont make you happy why on earth do them? Find what does make you happy, do it as often as possible, and figure out how you can start building a life around these things. Its really not as complicated as you (not you specifically!) think...
 
V∧DΞR said:
Hi. I usually don't post stuff here. But here I go.
I am an introvert, at least for the past few years of my life. I have very few good friends. I used to be really good at most of the things in life few years ago, had a lot of friends, used to be expressive, used to get good grades and shit. But ever since PMO came in, the whole situation seems to have turned.

I don't want to complain about PMO here but I wish to talk about the life related part.

It feels the part of me which used to work hard is dead and all what remains is the current me, loner and a to-be looser if things go on this way. No matter how I make my mindset, like I will work hard and do things, never end up happening. And when things don't go the way I think, I feel depressed and commit die feelings kick in, once it reaches a certain level.

Is it ever possible to bring back that motivation that I once had towards life? Will it be ever possible to make myself as expressive as I used to be? I just feel stuck, can't seem to find a way out.

The only that is keeping me alive are just a few close people who know me. But how long will they stay if things go this way? I feel as if I have built a false image of myself, people have expectations, the current me is unable to meet them and it just is crushing me.

Is it even worth it? Should I just open up and say that don't expect anything from me and tell that I can't do anything. OR how do I even make that mindset of productively doing things?

I can't even type what I want to say.
Click to expand...
Check out Jordan Peterson's "Self Authoring Program". It's quite good. Basically you do a self evaluation to learn your strengths a and weaknesses. Then using that information you write down the kind of life you would have if you gave into your weaknesses. Then you write the kind of life you could have if you developed your strengths to their full potential. Those narratives give you something to work towards and something to work away from. If you make the purpose of your life to be happy you will certainly fail at that mission because lots of life is pain and suffering and it's just not possible to be happy all the time. If you have a higher purpose, a clear goal, then you will have a reason to push through and the negative things you experience will have meaning and will be in service your higher purpose. When I realized that constant happiness is an unobtainable goal things started to make more sense. Meaning is what makes a worthwhile life not happiness. Happiness is a byproduct of meaning.
 
Thanks, @ElSabio, @skibum71, @david____f_ee for your advices.

I will surely check the "Self-Authoring Program" by Jordan Peterson and follow the steps that you mentioned.
ElSabio said:
When I realized that constant happiness is an unobtainable goal things started to make more sense. Meaning is what makes a worthwhile life not happiness. Happiness is a byproduct of meaning.
Click to expand...
These lines are the dose of reality that I needed and I got it. Thanks for reminding me again.

Ever since the lack of motivation to do stuff has come. I've failed to realize that what brings me happiness is there, only after I climb a certain obstacle. The obstacle is something that always terrified me, as I thought it was too hard to ever climb.
I ended up thinking that if the 'smarter'(or hard working) people(who I was once on par with) around me couldn't do it so well then, so wouldn't I and that's how, I just started giving up. These were the mistakes that I realized while I was in bed yesterday. Now that I know them, I hope I wouldn't fall for them ever again.

I will have to push myself from now on, it will be uncomfortable but what I get after this would be surely worth fighting for.

Thank you all once again.
 
I can empathize a lot. I have always been an extrovert but I have found as I get older, I have progressively became more introverted and consequently lonely. I believe PMO played a part in that but I also believe a part of that was just a natural progression.
 
What a great question, "what to do when life doesn't go your way"
This is such a great question to ask, just your having asked it helps me :)
I try to look at this a lot since there are a lot of ways life doesn't go my way: any time I have pain, most things my family does, most things at work, etc. A lot of times *I* don't even do what I want myself to do.
I think meditation on the consistency of that helps get started: seeing how this comes up several times a day helps me develop compassion for self and others since we are clearly all in the same leaky boat.
Then comes the hard part. So compassion building helps me not beat up the person (self or other) who doesn't like what is going on or what happened in the past. But that doesn't feel like enough sometimes. Maybe it actually is, just saying "yeah, that's not how you want it, that doesn't feel good, I'm sorry you don't feel good.". That itself is acceptance.
 
I've also been pondering these kinds of thoughts and feelings when I reflect on where my life is at, and the more I do the less I seem to know. I've encountered this notion of "this doesn't seem to be going my way" The kind of things I end up contemplating are numerous but include;

Am I suffering depression or similar?
(Probably yes)
Am I experiencing a family pattern?
(Maybe yes)
Where do my thoughts come from?
(I have no idea)
Can I absolutely trust them?
(Maybe, maybe not)
Are they my own?
(I'm not sure)
Is this a natural stage of lifes journey?
(Quite possibly, it seems reasonably common amongst others)
Could it be related to nofap, brain chemistry changes, PAWS, any of my other lifestyle choices?
(Yes this is plausible)

Anyway, without going on these are some of my thoughts when it comes to this kind of thinking.

I'm not sure if this is relevant or been mentioned already but possibly something else to throw into the mix for consideration is putting yourself in to a position of service to others. It doesn't matter whether it's 10 minutes or 10 hours in a day\week, paid or voluntary, with people, animals, your local community or the area where you live. Anything which just puts a little bit of good back.
 
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