What use is self improvement when I am still lonely?

I can relate to you on many levels in this post, about the abundance of time and energy we get with nofap and then the incredible frustration when all of our effort and work doesn't seem to fix the problems in our lives. It really sucks, and it's hard and it hasn't gotten better yet for me or honestly anyone I know who deals with this. But that's not always the point. A lot of the previous posts gave some really good suggestions and I don't want to reiterate on them too much but I'll just say that if you want a change in your physical (as opposed to online) relationships, the change isn't going to come while you're on the internet or writing your book. I think the reason many lonely introverted people struggle to change comes down purely to habits and circumstance. If you want something different you have to do something different (and if you are like me you probably have tried multiple times). But if you are commited to the change you're going to have to be uncomfortable and take some risks until something works.

Now for some positive feedback. A 300 day streak is really impressive, I know you know this but it doesn't hurt to reiterate it, especially doing it alone. You are clearly a smart, well read, articulate person with a great creative mind if you are writing a novel. Just from that alone I can assure you that you have tons of interesting positive qualities to give to a friendship or relationship, and the only thing holding you back from having them is your own insecurities about yourself. You sound like an awesome person, and while I can't know that for sure the only thing that matters is you know that. Regardless of whether you relapsed or not, have brain fog or not you are a person worthy of friendship and love, and once you start believing that yourself and meeting people with that attitude things will change.

Loneliness sucks and I really can relate, but you are already so much more successful and self aware then the majority of people here, and you're going to come out of this stronger for what you've learned. Thanks for sharing, your post helped me feel better about my own shit tonight, and I hope my input helps a little.

 

It all will come with time. Just dont lose hope and start working on it. I had a colleague at work. She's 31. I'm 20. In the beginning I was shy but after some time I was like "fuck it". And started talking with her. Not that I would like to start something with her cause its not quite real, but I was just bit too anxious around women and girls in general. In the end of the day I felt different about those things. Feeling more free about it, not anxious at all, so just hit it. Sometimes it takes just 1 conversation to push that thing further.

 

Here's the next person who can relate pretty well to your situation and I guess we have some similar personality traits.
I tell you my travel-alone story to give you a bit of a feeling about if that could bring also value to your life.

Back in 2017 I was so fed up with my life and job and everything that I decided to escape.
I live in Austria and America was always and still is a dream for me. I felt like nothing could hold me back if I just were in America.
So I bought a backpack, scraped together all my savings and jumped on a plane to the United States for my 2 month cross-country roadtrip.

You have the picture in mind: Endless roads, beautiful sundowns, every day another city, exciting people and the ultimate freedom!
Not really how it worked out.
For the first week I forced myself to sleep in a hostel to meet other people.
After that week I was unbelievably relieved to be alone again. It was just too overwhelming for me to constantly be with people I hardly knew. But one thing I noticed: I didn’t proactively went to someone and asked to go out for sightseeing or so, but somehow it happened that everyday I did something with one or more people. It just happened.

About ⅔ of my trip I slept alone in some motel and every now and then I forced myself into a hostel, but that uneasy feeling around people never got better and I was always relieved when I was back on my own again.

About halfway in my journey I actually thought to myself: Am I feeling that desired freedom now and do I feel in any way better? My answer was no!
But I started to realize that neither my location, nor anyone or anything will change how my life is or how I feel about myself. You just can’t run away from yourself.
And it also helped me to be more aware that I have to face my fears and that I eventually will be okay and there wouldn't happen something that could break my self-esteem forever.

Was the trip fun? Not really, but it was an experience I had to get in my life to grow.

I would recommend you to do it. Force yourself in some uncomfortable situations. And if you need some reason other than thinking it will be beneficial for you, it will for sure make you a better writer.

I for myself have accepted that I’m not a very sociable person, especially when it comes to meet new people and I’m completely okay with that and even if I force myself into 100 further hostels nothing will change about that.

Since you read a lot you’re maybe familiar with Ayn Rands writings. In her protagonists I really found myself and I try to implement her philosophy in my life.
I found a career goal worth fighting for and that’s what I do almost all of my time since over a year.
I’d rather meet interesting people if I can get to the top in my field, than having friends with whom I do trivial things just to kill time.


If you love writing you have already something way more valuable than you maybe realize.
Make it to your mission to inspire people with your books, to make tons of money and put all your effort into that and forget about making new friends. People will come along your way if you follow your passion.