When your friends and your parents can't understand

sup man,firstly take this with a grain of salt since I'm less than half your age,but they cant and never will understand,you cant force them to either,you just gotta walk your own separate path

 

They don't seem to be the best influences on your ideas, if people don't take you seriously. Don't take them seriously either, find someone that will understand and agree with you on your views, or at least respect your ideas. I had a friend group that would make fun of the idea of NoFap and the idea of quitting, and i realized that they were not the greatest influences on my dreams. One of them was so chronically addicted to PMO and drugs that he could not form complete sentences in the calls that I was in. The other few wouldn't go into detail but they definitely had problems too. They were the reason why I left and wanted to see change in my life. People sometimes don't want to see the truth since it hurts or they are ignorant to it.
You definitely are not alone my friend, follow your dream.

 

I think society as a whole has become more accepting of it, for better or for worse. But glad you found this community. Try and find like minded individuals in your area. They may serve as accountability partners for you.

 

You don't need anyone's approval to succeed.
They don't know what you know.
Keep going.
Don't tell people about your goals, just show them the results.

 

When I was in an SA group they encouraged me to tell someone close to me about my addiction so I told my brother. He was pretty much uninterested and never offered any support. Looking back on it I wish I wouldn’t have said anything about it. They just don’t get it. You have to accept it and move forward on your own.

 

Hi bro. I wish you will return to your relationship. Don't expect people around to understand this issue. Instead do your part, someday someone will come to you for advice about the same problem you encounter now. Stay strong !

 

If you want to tell somebody pick one with wisdom.
Not everybody knows how to react.
Talking to a recovered addict for example is a wise idea.

For myself I've met a few people.
I developed the attitude that it's enough if I understand myself.

 

Don't tell people you know about the addiction anymore.

I say this because it's almost impossible to find someone who understands it.
You know that yourself, as you mention how prevalent it is in Italy.

Rebooting is a solitary recovery and rightfully so.
If you have discovered you are an addict, what you need is time by yourself.
That's because it is a very painful change, to get clean.

You don't want to make this change around people, in as much as
you can avoid it.
Going into ghost mode is best.
There's a lot of reasons, namely because your brain and your body
are changing, and you can say things to people that aren't right.
That can damage relationships.

So if you feel lonely during a reboot, then you are doing it right.
Stay like that, so that the change will be more robust.
Be working on recovery, fitness, reading, resting and journaling.
Go to work or school, as usual.
Not bars, not with buddies and not to pick up chicks.

These are my suggestions because if you want to build the kind of life
you want, you have to invest in the process, by suffering.
Otherwise, you go back to the PMO, then life sucks, then bad things happen,
then back to the PMO, in a destructive loop.

 

Revealing your "defects" to the wrong person weakens you and makes you vulnerable.
Revealing your "defects" to the right person empowers you and makes you stronger.

Be careful.

 

That's the reason, it is because you can't see it. They can.

The thing about it is that recovery is supposed to be a time of healing, introspection and personal improvement.
The brain is broken, so going out around people will work against this process.

There is being a ghost in a good way or a bad way. If you ghost on society to sit in your room, use PMO, use street drugs or play video games, that is a bad way.

If you ghost in order to study for a career/school, for fitness, for introspection/journaling, to rest, to learn who you are, for creative pursuits, or some other beneficial thing, those are the best uses of a reboot.

The thing that most people can't understand or do not want to face is that
if they are afraid to be alone, being alone is the thing they need to do the most.

Because if you are afraid of being alone, you will be needy around other people.

The point is that if you go on a reboot and you go out around people, you will act and say weird stuff. It may seem ok at the time, but these people secretly do not like it.

Then when they start to abandon you, you will want to relapse to cope with it.

You won't have any choice because you didn't build a foundation of recovery.

When you have a partial streak going on, but chase after people, it's like a guy who earns two weeks' pay. He immediately goes out and spends it all.

Is that wise? No, you need to budget out what you should spend, pay bills and save.

So I say, on a reboot, keep social contact to a minimum, but keep working on the recovery process. Be like the guy who maximizes what he can save, to make investments and/or a business, to build wealth and a better future.

Then a day will arrive, maybe as soon as 3 months, or a year or two, that all that suffering and loneliness pays off.

 

Good points, all of them.

Where is the place to talk to PMO addicts?

Right freaking here! Reach out and ask for help.

That is how we get better, as Roady already knows.

 

In my opinion, brother, if you have ever felt like you need to share what you are going through with your parents, brother, friends, whatever and you did it in a moment like this, you are not wrong. If they dont accept it, they are on the loosing side. Not you. You did not a mistake. Dont let this take you down and dont feel it like its yours mistake. Stay true, brother, keep it real, because this is your reality right now. Okay, now you know it was better not to share with them, so it doesnt make sense to talk with this people about your situation, but i promise you it was not the wrong thing or mistake at first.

 

The only thing that can combat a lifestyle is prolonged, selfless (very tricky, can elaborate if you want) discipline. You're against decades of social conditioning, simple words coming from an unexperienced reject, internet dweller won't amount to much at first.

Maybe you could have communicated better how much of a challenge such decision imposes. Maybe the people around think that you're doing this for selfish, more gratifying reasons - like the Billionaire that is switching a material goody for a spiritual goody through philanthropy. He still is out for he's own benefit, to feel better about his tormented mind.

I deal with the situation by trying to let my actions speak louder and politely. It takes a whole lot of brain power to understand how deep the roots of this addiction goes when an Era of instant gratification runs supreme. Many serious people are fatigued by everyday life or don't have the Emotional Intelligence to process how significant of an impact 'Common Sense' shapes their frames of mind and interpretation procedures. Their thoughts are absorbed by an illusion of control.
"The greatest trick the Devil played was convincing the world he doesn't exist."



I also deal with it through holding my convictions without too much stiffness. I don't entirely subscribe to it but - adapting to our decayed reality is our best bet at progressing towards a better state of affairs. One must not force their way, but flow with the resistance displayed. When the other side proves to be much stronger, it can be most wise to turn it against itself.

I have this tendency to rush the results of any enterprise I direct effort towards. I learned the hard way that effective change requires high degrees of patience until people around you can't help but feel polarized to your side.

To finish off, last way I would deal with the situation would be to brainwash myself to enjoy the whole process of overcoming.