Why do so many porn addicts fail so much in NoFap?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by FeelTheThunder, Nov 27, 2019.

  1. FeelTheThunder

    FeelTheThunder Fapstronaut

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    I might be biased but I have been like a porn addict for 6 months to 1 year last year, I decided to quit it and took me 2-3 tries and I hit my first NoFap Streak, 100+ Days.
    Shit happened and the devil took over me but leave it.

    I became an addict again for 4-5 months again
    I decided to quit it and within 2-3 tries boom close to 200 days now.

    Do I have a stronger willpower thingy than others or are the others too weak?
    Literally ALL of the threads i follow have a relapse report rn.
    Like even people with streaks of 20+ days have a relapse report.
    Like I know getting out of this addiction is hard but It was NEVER hard for me to not touch a part of my body after the 3 week mark.

    Like I don't know what to say abt this.
    Its to the point i'm getting annoyed.
    Like I am here to motivate you all and EVERYONE I gave tips to relapsed.

    Maybe is this the reason why there is a 1% club and stuff?
    Like only 1% of the people achieve success and stuff?
    Or maybe I'm just having a stronger will power than you all?
    Mention your thoughts below. Thank you.
    Don't just read the thread and go, Idc if you are at 1 day streak or relapsed rn, your thoughts matter to me.
    Thanks.
     
    goodnice 2.0, dboy18, Nugget9 and 2 others like this.
  2. Camelon

    Camelon Fapstronaut

    Never to feel ego about ur willpower
    6m to 1yr isn"t a time for many friends here
    I was addict for 15yrs which is near ur whole life
    I see those who reset their counters & decide to rise up again have more willpower than me & u.....
     
    geheim, To win, maseh0012 and 7 others like this.
  3. Poseidon

    Poseidon Fapstronaut

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    Being “addicted” to something for 6 months is not like being addicted to something for 10+ years.
     
  4. That's nothing at all, I smoked for just over a year long ago and it only took a few tries for me to quit as this did for you. Except I wouldn't dare say it's ”easy” especially towards others that are struggling, there's a big difference between being addicted to something for 10 to 20 years vs a measly 6 months.

    No, you just have normal willpower from your short usage, us actual addicts that are in deep have been dealing with reinforced behavioural repetition, reduced grey matter in the brain, and the frontal lobes that have shrunk drastically due to damage. Six months is nothing, come back when you've gone say five years in hard mate, then we can talk.

    How you worded everything is literally just insulting to every single hard-working member here. You're certainly not special in any way and you clearly don't understand how bad an addiction really gets. The people that you're pissing on are having some of the worst times, they're stuck in a loop until they're able to find something to help pull themselves out. I personally think what you said is not only incredibly arrogant but also disrespectful to all the addicts here, which all work none stop to get rid of the problems ruining their lives.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 27, 2019
  5. Camelon

    Camelon Fapstronaut

    How did u Quit smoking
    Im dying for that.....
     
  6. Well, I only smoked for over a year so I don't think my methods would be of any use. One thing I did was have somebody (in this case my partner) near me all the time, to make sure I wouldn't do anything daft. I literally just threw out all me fags, chewed gum quite often which helped a lot! And honestly I mainly tried to keep my mind off of it as much as I could, so when the urges hit I distracted myself by watching or playing something.

    There were many times I wanted to (especially since the game I was playing was MGS: 4 which heavily featured smoking), but the key is to never give in, because each time you tell your brain no you slowly strengthen your mind like in any addiction. A lot of folks have been smoking for 20 to even 40 years, so I honestly think my advice wouldn't be very useful as I'm sure they already know that stuff.
     
    Camelon likes this.
  7. FeelTheThunder

    FeelTheThunder Fapstronaut

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    Hello.
    I am not trying to be arrogant. I'm just here to note down their problems and find some solution and stuff
    I mean its not that hard to not touch your organ for a while.
    Its not that hard.
    If you think not touching a part of your body is hard. then i'm sry mate I'm lookin for some real people to discuss this with.
    I've been there, Thou my 6 months addiction seems measly, I watched porn for like 1-3 years but was "addicted" only for 6 months like beyond control addiction
    But yeah not a competition on who's more addicted
    But yeah
    This is what worked for me:
    Don't touch it.
    Pee with your underwear to guide you idc if that's weird atleast you gon get benefits of nofap.
    I mean I know I'm rude and stuff but still
     
  8. Except it is a competition in terms of how long you've been addicted, do you realise how many years most people on this site have been actually addicted to porn? The longer you're in it the longer it takes to get out, and the symptoms are more severe.

    What's arrogant is you comparing your small amount of time with the people that have had it way longer, you should know it's not as easy as ”don't touch it” otherwise everybody would be cured by now. As I stated earlier, all that damage and reinforcement drives addicts to compulsion, we know it's bad but we end up doing it anyway as we'll ”deal with the consequences after”. When your frontal lobes are shrunk/damaged your control and problem-solving is severely compromised, that's why when the urges strike people buckle and can't control themselves, like being on autopilot.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 27, 2019
    ANewFocus and Committed to One like this.
  9. glasgow

    glasgow Fapstronaut

    It's a matter of habits.

    The more you are used to porn, the more difficult is for you to kick it. The same goes for practically everything you could get addicted to.

    It's like a train going on a railroad... the railroad represents your strongest habits, and the train represents you through the day.

    You actually could change your ways, but if your habits are strong enough, then you will have to make a lot of effort to change them.

    And I have the hunch that maybe you do not masturbate... but you play videogames, watch anime, browse the interwebs making and watching memes... you just replace one thing with another. But well, what do I know?.
     
  10. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

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    It is all about anxiety levels and the way you handle it.
    If you were tought at an early age how to handle it the right way , you won't have any issue handling any addiction throughout your life.
     
  11. This has a lot of merit and the lack of such instruction early on is a huge reason so many end up with addictions. That said, early exposure to porn and childhood sexual abuse are very damaging and most who have experienced this don't realize the severity of the trauma until we are much older and struggling to cope with our reality. Porn and sexual addiction serve as a way to numb out and escape from feelings we don't understand or have the tools to process in a healthy way. The shame and frustration caused by unwanted behavior only serves to compound the issue making the road to recovery a very long and often painful process. Everyone willing to begin that journey is making a heroic decision, regardless of how many times they must reset, dust themselves off and continue fighting to become whole and healthy.
     
  12. jk243

    jk243 Fapstronaut

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    Dépends also on individuals. Some people have more friends and family, are mostly busy and that help them. For someone like me who is a lone wolf and free much of the time, it is another story.
     
  13. Thank you for joining the conversation and bringing this point up. Isolation is both a contributor and a byproduct of our addictive behavior. We are made to be in relationship and community, when we feel awkward or unwanted in those situations it is easy to fall into the trap of believing we can meet our own needs, almost always in unhealthy ways. And when we do that long enough it just becomes the norm that we accept and we listen to the lie that tells us we don't need anyone else. This is a good place to begin to reach out and start to learn how to speak the truth to ourselves and others. Finding a place where we can connect with others in safe and vulnerable relationships is vital to recovery and our well-being.
     
  14. AustinDPowers

    AustinDPowers Fapstronaut

    If my frontal lobes are damaged for being addicted for 2.4 years and I’ve hit rock bottom three times, starting NoFap No PMO in the middle of this year and doing 1,2,3 day streaks in between relapsing have I been making my addiction even worse by not going 30 days, 90 days on NoFap? Honestly my efforts feel like a joke compared to the huge streaks I’ve seen here. Have I been digging a hole in the ground and burying myself even further in my addiction?

    Because I am still addicted I made the vow to stop by now it’s going to be 3 years now at the end of the year. Do I go all out and nothing else matters except quitting PMO because I did some very, very self destructive things when PMOing? I feel like I’m really stuck in a never ending loop and don’t know how to break this cycle of relapsing. It’s a never ending nightmare. I even cry when I PMO :(
     
    cr7da8055 and Committed to One like this.
  15. The simple answer is yes, however we all know it isn't a simple process. My journey of recovery, going on 6 years now, was gung-ho to start. That lasted a couple of weeks, then relapse, lie to my counselor and wife about it, stop for a while, relapse, rinse and repeat. After a year, which included escalating in to worse behavior I got into a group therapy and have been with those guys for almost 5 years now. Really dug into some of the root causes and got a lot better, longer streeks, less lying, got to where I was really feeling like I had this handled and then got into some other online stuff and that really took me down a long dark path that just about destroyed my life. Big discovery, major deep dive into a full therapeutic disclosure of everything to my wife, complete with polygraphs, and this last year I've really known a new freedom that has been awesome. Had a couple slips along the way but quickly got out of it, a pretty big slip (porn only) a few weeks ago that reset my sobriety date, but was able to check that in with my wife and am back on track.
    Yes, that is very common. This addiction escalates and the cycles of relapse can take you places you would never ever believe you would go. Stopping PMO is important of course, but you must replace it with healthy behaviors and relationships that can help address why you're looking at porn in the first place. It takes time and it takes getting real with others who can relate and support you on the journey.
    Be kind to yourself with where you are at. You are getting better. Lean into what you are feeling and see where those feelings are coming from. The fact that you are working on this now will save you decades of pain and deception as you keep at it and learn to value yourself and others.
     
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  16. As long as you're actively trying you're not making it worse even if you relapse, what does though is the negative self-talk and telling yourself you'll never get out of it.

    Our streaks are a result of doing something different in our recovery, finding that ”spark”, and not putting ourselves down when we fall. You have to reinforce the good you've done through abstaining and not be so critical of yourself, every person's addiction is a journey and we're all putting in the hard work to get to where we want to be (including yourself ).

    Just keep at it and try new things to keep you occupied as well as break the dependency, and most importantly try to change your thinking around it.
     
  17. @Camelon I was a smoker for 3-4 years, 10 cigarettes a day, I stopped by using the Allen Carr method. I strongly recommend you to buy this book if you truly want to stop. I recommended it to my best friend and now he has stopped for more than 3 months.
     
    Camelon likes this.
  18. Everone has a different sex drive , different level of impulse control and some have been addicted much longer than a year , hence increasing the intensity of the addiction
    Not everyone has the same sex drive, the same testosterone level , or the same impulse control, many have been addicted to porn for much longer than a year and without even realising it until it became a problem
     
  19. It's a lot on things. I always get super lonely around any major holidays, like today. Starts about a week away from. Then BAM! All my good plans I had for myself out the window

    Or, I just don't know. Sometimes I just say f*ck it and relapse.

    But I'm not concerned with it any longer. If I relapse, I do. I'm away from home quite a bit and if I was unemployed this would probably make me hold a gun to my head because of all the free time I had, but I work plenty. I think
     
    goodnice 2.0 likes this.
  20. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Don't forget too that it isn't just about the length of the addiction but the entire context of the person.

    Say two people, Adam and Bob, are both the same age and have been addicted to porn for 2 years.

    Adam comes from a good family. He has been loved and supported his entire life. Of course, he has had his sorrows and rejections, but the knowledge that he has a safe place and people who care for him is rock solid inside him. He has friends and many different opportunities for the future.

    Bob comes from a broken family. His dad is in jail and his mom is often high on drugs to numb herself from the emotional pain of working as a prostitute to make a bit of money for her family. His clothes don't fit well and he is treated like an outsider by all his peers. He just cannot relate to people who have hope when all he sees is the struggle of trying to eat.

    Who is going to be able to kick their PMO habit first?
     

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