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Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by zxcv, Nov 12, 2018.
Is this part of the reason why I don't have a girlfriend and how do I fix this mindset?
Do you like who you are?
If not, who do you have to become and what do you have to do as a person to become someone that you like?
for me the reason is not because i am ugly which i thought was the reason but isnt, now that i look back at it i have had lots of girls hit on me. The reason for me is because im bad at conversations and i never try to take it anywhere, i was at a festival yesterday and a gorgeous girl came over and started flirting with me, she complimented my shirt, but because i didnt take it anywhere it ended rather fast. So you need to work on confidence most likely or just learn to hold a conversation.
It is a mental block in your head which is supported by the perception of how you see yourself. That's what you need to change. Slowly and effectively, and yes it is possible. Good luck
I'm pretty sure it's a huge part of why they don't like you. If you don't have confidence you won't go anywhere with women because they can see that you exude either lack of confidence, needyness or some sort of desperation. Being alone isn't a negative if you dont see it that way but if you perceive yourself as lacking something and youre looking for a girl to fill that void then your frame of mind will color your interactions with women in a negative way.
That feeling is a symptom of the pussy obsessed mentality and a side effect of that "your masculinity and worth as a man is tied to your sexuality" conditioning. A woman wants a man who appears strong and confident not a man who is desperately looking for a woman to give him validation. When you realize and internalize the fact that a woman is actually not a solution to your problem then your interactions may improve.
Abstaining from PMO will help. People talk about the nofap super powers but when you abstain, it allows your body to function like its supposed to. Humans are biochemical electric machines and when you're fapping, you're literally jizzing away all the phermones that are key and attracting women and depleting yourself of all the hormones that give you that drive to be go after women. You create a chemical imbalance in your head.
I stared NoFap in july 17 and I noticed more attention from women. This summer I met more women than I have over the last 4 years combined. I have also spent alot of time working on my social skills which can never hurt. When I get weak and wan to relapse the I'm motivated by the social benefits I've experienced during streaks.
I've gone 50+ days with nofap before, and over 150+ of no p before. It really doesn't seem to help me out that much.
If all you do is NoFap, and expect the "super-powers" to magically appear, and don't work on any other kind of self-improvement, then no you're probably not going to get anywhere. Improve your appearance, learn and practice skills to get better with women, develop a positive mindset, have other career and leisure pursuits that are your main focus over women. And do NoFap at the same time
I agree with most, if not all, of the other advice given by the wise men above.
At the same time, I would just like to add some slight measure of compassionate acceptance of your pain. Even if ultimately, changes are necessary, I think you may benefit from ALSO allowing for SOME more compassionate/accepting stance towards yourself (and from women as well).
While our full measure of worth as a man should not come from a woman's validation, I would argue that all men are hard-wired to crave and desire woman for emotional and physical intimacy. And if we are unable to obtain that, especially for long periods of time, of course we will feel that hunger, even to the point of internal feelings of neediness and desperation. True, human nature requires us to manage those feelings, channel them, and perhaps even hide them.
But at the same time, I would argue that those feelings are not "wrong," or invalid, or inherently shameful. They are part of the male human condition. I don't think we are simply conditioned to be hyper-focused on women (though our society and culture do distort it a lot). Your pain is legitimate and not necessarily non-manly, etc.
Then again, my input here may be completely off and not useful, but if I was in the same boat (which I am in other ways), besides the "tougher" -how-you-must-change-advice, I would also seek a bit of "bro hug/I feel your pain" in the way I tried to do here.
Best of luck moving forward. I am sure using the advice above, you will succeed over time.
This is a very good post and I agree with it. I think one of the reasons I'm so women driven and focused is that right now I'm even suffering from a lack of bro time so that makes my wanting a woman desires even stronger and more needy than they normally would be.
Do you even like yourself?
EDIT: I realize this might have come off a bit harsh. The reason I asked the question is that, simply, I don't believe that there are "likeable" and "unlikeable" people in the world. I don't believe that women "don't like you". I think it's all in your imagination. I think that if you were kinder to yourself, you would feel better about who you are.
I feel like i have the same issue, i can make girls laugh and have a conversation with them, im just really self concious with myself
Self confidence is the key to everything if you do not have it practice . Repeat after me " I am a fucking chick magnet" repeat over and over from when you wake up until just before you go to sleep. Wash rinse repeat it works. You end up walking taller smiling more and feeling sooooo much better about yourself.
If you don't love yourself, you can't love at all. Eric Fromme said that.
You cannot make others love and want you. They either do or they don't. In my case they don't. So that makes life pretty meaningless because my existence serves no purpose. I've tried so hard to get people to understand that and they just miss it.
Do you love yourself?
Nope. There's nothing to love about myself. I'm a total loser and failure at life in every way imaginable. I'm also so fat, ugly, got bad eye sight and don't talk the best. I'm pretty stupid. Yep. About sums it up I would guess if I'm not forgetting anything.
I don't want to sound too harsh but that negative mindset is actually part of the problem. The thing with a negative mindset is that it gives you negative energies. These energies radiates out of your body and most people can feel that negative vibe miles away, especially women whose brains are superior to mens' when it comes to read non-verbal cues. They read everyone like a book, men and women alike. On the contrary, a positive mindset gives you positive energies whose vibes can also be felt by the people you encounter. If you are confident and happy with yourself, those feelings will generate a positive vibe and positive energies that will attract a lot of people.
Your physical appearance is usually not too big of an issue (if you are a man) as long as you are somewhat well-groomed, brush your teeth, have a decent diet and exercise regularly. If you struggle with any of the latter, I suggest you start with them as it will be the first crucial step to feel more confident. NoFap can definitely help you really get going with these things but you have to take action too.
Sitting on the couch while not fapping and expecting superpowers coming to you like a divine gift is like thinking that drinking protein shakes in your couch (instead of going to the gym and exercise) and expect becoming fit.
Remember, that there are plenty of people who have been further down the drain than you have and they still have improved their lives and achieved some great success, so it is definitely achievable.
You just have to believe in yourself and start taking some action!
See if u have confidence u r filled wid testastorine, and happy chemicals lik Dopomine... Obviously u will b looking better wearing confidence,, see many film actors r not so good looking but since they have confidence they bcm charming to women... Get confident by inspiring urself and smiling a lot has huge benefits
Plenty of fat guys get girls, ugly dudes too.
Now unless youre Quasimodo ugly, or look like the dude from the movie Mask, then you have problems.
>Why does it feel like its not possible for girls to like me
Look at the way you are describing yourself. Assuming it is a somewhat accurate description than why would a girl be attracted to you? You have described someone who repels women. Imagine if you saw a woman post something saying "Why don't guys like me? I am fat, I have bad hair, I smell like shit and I have no personality.". You would think "stupid woman, is it not obvious to her? All she needs to do is put effort into her appearance and work on her personality and she will become attractive". You aren't going to become succesful by complaining about you're circumstances. Of course you are a loser, have you even tried?
Start lifting to lose weight than gain muscle, take care of your hygiene and appearance and work on speaking more clearly. Orientate yourself towards hard but achievable goals. No one is born a winner. Turn yourself into an attractive, confident and competent man.