Wife of a porn addict

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Psalm27:1my light, Jun 24, 2019.

  1. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Hi, new to forum not to the life with an addict. Been married 27 years and have known for 22. It’s never ending.
     
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  2. Hey & Welcome to NoFap Community! :)

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    Best of luck to you in your journey!





    -The Winner
     
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  3. testwarz

    testwarz Fapstronaut

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    Where is your husband at with Pmo. Has he stopped? When were your ddays? I’m single and honestly a few women are keen to pursue things with me but I won’t go there until I’m truly over this - currently 75 days and planning minimum 6 months. I will only enter a relationship clean and neve4 looking back
     
  4. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    He began in January, has slipped 2x so reset his “ sobriety date”. He goes to a private group which I must say is really helping him! Then he attends 2-3 phone meetings a week. He went to his boss to get permission to put blocking software on his iPhone and iPad plus made him an ap. He is fighting with all he has. He’s s brilliant man, once he understood that it was an addiction and once he started to learn how to fight it , he began in earnest. I’m super proud of him and will always love him and be thankful for the fact that he worked so that I could stay home with our kids. Ddays? Lol. First was June 18th 1997 at 1 pm. Second was 5 years later and again and again etc... unfortunately I think I’m just too damaged to ever really trust him again. He’s never crossed the physical barrier nor gone to web cams or chat rooms which makes it a tiny bit harder for me to throw in the towel. But not much. In 2 yrs my youngest graduates. If he isn’t fully in recovery and I haven’t begun healing then I’m done.
     
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  5. testwarz

    testwarz Fapstronaut

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    Your insight is very enlightening. The fact that you remember a date from 22 years ago including the time should be a lesson to all us here! This is how much of an impact PA has on relationships.. I’m v lucky that I don’t need any blocking software etc. live on my own and have dozens of devices and haven’t opened a single P image page etc in 2.5 months. I do yoga and gym 6 days a week and the natural healing and increased Testosterone is my new addiction to the real deal not fake pixels... stay strong!
     
  6. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Haha! Good for you!! I too hit the gym 6 days a week, love my crossfit and then road bike with my hubby on the weekends. Embarrassed my 18 year old son when we arm wrestled, I won. I told him not to underestimate a women who lifts weights 6 days a week for the past 3 years
     
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  7. testwarz

    testwarz Fapstronaut

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    Wow! You are strong indeed and an inspiration... keep your insights coming!
    You know I have a great job.. multiple degrees.. my own house and good friends etc etc but I wish I had a life lesson long ago about ‘how destructive addictions can trash your life’.. we are all here trying to relearn this lesson. Actually I’m stunned I achieved what I have so far and regret what I may have foregone but there is no turning back now
     
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  8. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I wish there was more awareness and more people screaming about the damage porn does. If it were more widely known, perhaps less people would fall victim to it. I feel so much sadness for those of you battling this. Just think what u can do if you are free!! I’m rooting for you. For all of the guys on here.
     
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  9. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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  10. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, it was a Wednesday afternoon. Betrayal is not something you forget. I can still see myself like it was yesterday. Especially hard if your relationship has for the most part been really good. He was my best friend and we are still very compatible. Plus we still really like each other. Don’t marry if you can’t beat this. Marriage won’t fix it and will only destroy the person you say you love. I wish my husband had woken up even just a few years ago. Unfortunately, I think he was about 2 years too late. I’ve had years to adjust to the fact that I would probably have to leave him.
     
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  11. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I wish I had woken up decades ago. Some of it I can forgive (I was just a kid really when we started dating) but some I cannot. Do you still feel that you will "probably have to leave him"?
     
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  12. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Idk. He’s doing awesome. He really grasps now what leads to relapse. He is in charge of his works social media, his biggest trigger is Twitter. He was out of town and had to post on it. Posted what he needed, deleted the app but then downloaded it to “ look at the news” lol. Had a holy crap moment then called me( I was asleep), then deleted app and went to bed. Didn’t look at porn or Psubs or masturbate but the next night in group as he talked through it he realized that it was a “ relapse” because he was in the ritual part of the addiction cycle. Middle circle behavior.... for me, that was huge ( they hate resetting their sobriety, lol). Recognizing things like that, is the only way he will learn how to beat this. It isn’t about just “ looking at porn”. It’s learning how to recognize triggers/slippery slope/addict voice/and how to replace with healthy options. The other factor is that since he’s been so clean, I literally knew he had really struggled just by his body language. I’m so confident now of knowing truth from lies. That makes me feel safe, because I trust me now. It isn’t about what he’s doing or not. But, he went to his boss and said” I will no longer handle the twitter accounts, you need to find someone else”. Actions! He knows that I will pay and insist on a polygraph any time I have doubts. I have done it before, will do it again if I think I might be at risk. He also knows that refusing a polygraph means I file for divorce. We are in a really good place but as we all know addiction is an insidious beast and can rear it’s head at any time.
     
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