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Wife thinks NoFap has made me grumpy

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by JosefN, Jul 18, 2020.

  1. Jul 18, 2020 #1
    JosefN

    JosefN Fapstronaut

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    I joined NoFap on May 18th and have been away from Porn and Masturbation since two months and a week now (actually I first started quiting porn in October last year but have had about five relapses since then). Last week I reached 65 days of no PM and this is my longest streak ever. My wife is pregnant which means we are not having sex at all (except that she gave me a blow job two weeks ago, but that was the first sex ever since January).

    My problem now is that my wife thinks I should stop with NoFap and start masturbating again, because she thinks NoFap has made me grumpy and unfriendly toward her and the children. The thing is, I don't feel very frustrated, but I can confess that I am more grumpy than I used to be when I was doing PMO 1-3 times/week. So my question is: is this something we have to live with now or will this change later during my NoFap journey? Will I become the good old friendly me again, or do I have to go back to fapping first?
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2020
    JosefN, Jul 18, 2020
    JosefN, Jul 18, 2020
    #1
    Knighthawk likes this.
  2. Jul 18, 2020 #2
    Deleted Account

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    You’ll even out brother. When we stop pmo we let our brains and dopamine levels heal which isn’t always comfortable but absolutely worth it
     
    Deleted Account, Jul 18, 2020
    Deleted Account, Jul 18, 2020
    #2
    Lilla_My, JosefN and hardowner like this.
  3. Jul 19, 2020 #3
    kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

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    @JosefN, I can relate to this. Porn is obviously super pleasurable, but it was also an effective way of hiding from your anxieties, stresses, and fears. Now you've taken that away and you need to start facing the world and your inner daemons face-to-face with nothing to hide behind. That's scary and definitely makes us sullen and grumpy. But (with her help) you can get through this, and you will be a better version of yourself at the end.

    You could experiment with an easy-mode reboot (that's badly named, giving up porn is not at all easy) but I would be tempted to keep going.

    I suspect you are reaching the stage where you need to delve deeply into your own psyche and fix yourself. You may be able to do that on your own, journalling and reflecting, or it may be worth getting a therapist.

    Good luck, whatever you decide.
     
    kropo82, Jul 19, 2020
    kropo82, Jul 19, 2020
    #3
    Psalm27:1my light, dandausa and JosefN like this.
  4. Jul 19, 2020 #4
    dandausa

    dandausa Fapstronaut

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    I totally get this! I've realized though that what is happening is p/m is masking the deep-seated anger inside of me. It scared me at first. But I've realized that I have to kick p/m to start working on my anger. It's just that I'm pulling off the mask that kept me safe to just find a new mask called anger/frustration that also is trying to keep me safe.

    I have so many masks.... But I'm going to keep digging.
     
    dandausa, Jul 19, 2020
    dandausa, Jul 19, 2020
    #4
    JosefN, Knighthawk and Psalm27:1my light like this.
  5. Jul 20, 2020 #5
    Dalian

    Dalian Fapstronaut

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    I just want to congratulate you on this milestone. It's certainly not an easy thing. Every day from here on out will be your longest streak ever and that's a really good feeling.
     
    Dalian, Jul 20, 2020
    Dalian, Jul 20, 2020
    #5

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