Wish to be alone

For the last 11 years, I've been letting go people around me. I've been bullied at school, and I kind of recovered during college, formed friendships, found partners, was relatively successful professionally. However, a number of traumas (and I believe the bullying episodes), stress etc... kicked off a depression, since then I had the need to be left alone: first there was some friends, even best friends, then family, and now I am on the brink of letting my long term partner go The next step is to quit my job, and then all social contact will be over. For sure PMO has something to do, but nothing is so clear, everything is intertwined in a self destructive spiral. It's this idea that I am better off without any social contact, since I was child I am inadequate to talk and interact with other people. There is a deep misunderstanding between me and the rest of people.

 

Hey! thanks for reaching out. I read you are 19 years old - I'm 50. I can only tell you that after school you have a 2nd chance, for me the world changed in college, but there is something deep, so deep that any trauma can bring it up again. It's like you build an armor but inside your heart is made of glass.
Thanks again

 

I know... I know... I keep telling myself the same, but I have these thoughts that I might have been trying too hard to fit, and now this loneliness feels ... right.