As Shrek says, better out than in I sometimes just write my thoughts and feelings when feeling overwhelmed, resulting in a couple pages of senseless blabber, which I then burn
Should we start a gofundme or what? He'll have his venue because Max is Max. I'll keep checking the mail for the request to be his advertising/event photographer
Someone told me to pull out my canvas & paint. So, I'm going to go do that instead of crying over spilt milk.
x0+ days fucking handed to me. Somebody else's shitty ass abusive behavior handed a non-addict abstinence with a giant red bow. lolololololol Wtf is this life. I'm a human, too. Torture.
Seriously. Are there any honest human beings left in the world, today? Besides me? Honesty Island is getting pretty lonely. I'm fucking over deception. Ugh.
Maybe time again to watch the Jim Carey movie, Liar, Liar ... https://www.google.com/search?q=mov...+lie&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari
It is most def time for some punk rock stomping. Just dyed my hair green, shaved 'fugazi' on one side & 'econoline' on the other. I kid; hipsters would never ride in an econoline. Or, would they?? This legit made my day. It's so us. I've spent a great deal of time in my head trying to figure out who I want to be. Claire, for obvious reasons but also Ally, for obvious reasons. Can I be a hybrid of the two just kinda lurking in the background? Maybe the statue? I can be the undecided statue. Not ashamed that I had to Google Gilligan's Island for the characters.
In a funk because found second hidden recording of me. From 2016. Babycakes were 10 months old. I threw up. Immediately. I'm scared, unsure of what else is out there... But, I'm the bad guy. Mind control.
Ok. More than a funk. I'm gutted, once again. Feel like all of the hard work I just did has been reset to square 1. Why me I don't deserve this; I never deserved this
Sorry...life is not fair, that is for sure. What hard work are you referring to -- that is now reset to square 1 ?!?
Healing... Consisted of/consists of hours upon hours of: research, therapy, self-love, meditation, photography, journaling, self-reflection, 1 million gallons of tears shed while having talks with my inner therapist, etc. Blown apart. But, not really. I still feel like I'm worth a shit, I still want to journal, I still want spring to get here so I can photograph, I still sob & grow while doing so, I still do therapy, etc. The only thing that makes me feel like I reset to the days before I started healing, is the inability to forgive myself. Every day I find something. Monday's finding made me physically ill, once again. How in the fuck was I so blind? I just want an answer to this; that I know I'll never get.