THE 100 DAY SPARTAN CHALLENGE (OPEN)

Thank you for your candor and thank you for inspiring me with your resilience. We get knocked down but we can always choose to rise again. I wish you strength and peace. May you feel the power in your aspiring to achieve the upper rank.

 

I feel very blessed that our divorce was super amicable. I stay in touch with her. I respect and love her, though I have no regrets divorcing her, and I do not wish to be with her sexually.

I'm really not sure if she views me differently. Her comment about my teeth shocked me. She rarely gives compliments, and her second ex-husband is a retired dentist, so her asking if I had whitened my teeth (which I haven't) was quite a nice compliment to me.

 

Good to know! Thank you for sharing

 

Day 80 check in.

 

Check in day 0 @Kratos_GOW

 

*Fights alongside you in battle*
Welcome back home

 

Thanks man !

Check in day 4

 

For the past 12 weeks I've been tapering myself off of alprazolam, from 2 mg. every night before bedtime, to .5mg. every night before bedtime.

On December 31st, 2019, I launched the final tapering phase: .5 mg. every OTHER night before bedtime.

On the nights I haven't taken alprazolam, I haven't slept well. As I lay awake in bed, the sexual urges are prolonged and intense, and during the rare sleep periods, my (non-sexual) dreams have been non-stop, vivid, and intense, and occasionally disturbing. They're just dreams, though, thank God!

This final tapering phase feels challenging, but I've still maintained much of my newfound joy, strength, and energy, and by February 19th, 2020 (my 49th birthday), I will be done taking alprazolam for life, no matter what. No excuses. Come hell or high water.

Yesterday, though, perhaps due to my tapering alprazolam, I really struggled emotionally, and though I managed to resist any urges, I left work 5 hours early (I have never left my shift early in my 5 years at this job), and I squandered most of the day feeling stressed, anxious, and angry.

The best part about yesterday was that I was in bed and asleep by 9:30 pm

I noticed, yesterday, that the more I clinged to negativity, worrying and resenting circumstances beyond my control, the more I recalled, in my mind, and with fond remembrance, my past sexual "conquests," past sexual scenes from watching P, and my everpresent temptation to justify engaging in various, subtle forms of p-subs.

So I had to constantly keep reminding myself yesterday that a few seconds of self-induced pleasure is never going to make me feel better in the long run; that engaging in P, M, or O is never going to match the sense of joy, purpose, and strength from living life anew.

I had to keep reminding myself that a life free from PMO will involve struggle, and that struggle gives meaning to life. I had to keep reminding myself that my "up" days now far outnumber my "down" days, and that "this too shall pass."

But even reminding myself to stay true to my path was tough. I questioned the meaning and purpose and sacredness of my new chosen path. At times I was even haunted by my old negative self-talk :

"You are NEVER going to sustain happiness.
You will inevitably fail.
You are always going to struggle financially.
You are going to lose your car, your job, and your beautiful apartment.
Refraining from PMO is ultimately worthless.
You are fooling yourself if you think your new life even matters.
Nobody cares what you do."

I have never struggled at such an emotional level since I refrained from PMO.

I prayed to God, several times, to help me be more understanding and accepting, and to "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."

Thank you Spartans for helping get through my "down" days. You all are supporting me in my newfound life. I feel grateful to be a part of this group!

 

thank you sir, I just couldn't help it had a couple rough days due to some kind of sadness coming back and forth but I will do it, I must stop it my record is 23 days, I will beat it and I will stop those stupid activities that only make me go even further into sadness.

 

I think as a christian that this voice is the voice of Satan telling us to go back into his arms. But as warrior of God, we should keep in fighting, I fell in the battlefield, you didn't you were stronger congrats your streak is very impressive sir

 

And I think this is really making all the difference.
Nowadays I see too much will to take profit from everything, even the close friendship( I unfortunately can attest on that),
I mean all the people see you and the first thing they think is:
How can I use him? What can I take from him?
But we are not like everyone else,
we always support each other,
even though we don't know each other,
even though we can't say if someone is lying to us,
even though we will not receive anything from doing this,
we're still here.
and the first questions for us are different because we say:
How can I help him? What can I give to him?
It means that we are sincere and we can trust each other,
and we there's trust, only great thing can happen.
Smile spartans because great days await us.
We have just to keep on working.

 

You are a gym beast Spartan!

 

i am lost its hard ...its very hard ......9 years of ****** how can i !!!!! its costing me my career my relationship of past 3 years !!!!
anyone out there for GOD'S sake help me
tell me how should can i overcome this loss .......further loss too !!!

 

Day 4