Long term consequences for acting out

You guys are warriors dont let this bring you down. Use this as an opportunity to completely fix your life up and get closer to God.

Also completely stay away from PMO. It will intensify any negative feelings and harbour more.

Take it easy

 

Way better off than i have been, but obviously things arent perfect.

You just gotta put it in perspective, someone just died today. Were still alive, that means its not over till its over. Be thankful for a second chance, and all things will fall into place. It takes work but theres still something that you can find refuge in until all peace is restored

 

You can gain something out of that now. Every time you are confronted internally with going back to drugs or porn, you have that memory, you have that regret. Hence, you have an emotional tool to stop.

 

Guys this thing isnt easy. Today i was brought right back down to the bottom. Everyday is a battle.

It starts by establishing a few things, forgiveness, love, patience, and longsuffering.

You have to forgive yourself every time you find yourself being too hard on yourself.

I wrote this to show you i know the feelings you are going through, but there is hope.

 

After the dust is settling and everything starts to sink, these negative thought patterns do start to creep back.


One day i think im out of the woods and the next boom everything drops on me like a hammer.

The title of this thread is the perfect explanation of what ive felt recently.

I dont know all the answers but what gives me solace are a few things, God's forgiveness, Im not the only one, others have made it through, i wasnt prepared for what happened, and the circumstances that contributed.

These things makes me be able to take it easy on myself even for just a brief moment and hope the same for others and for a better clearer future. Going on here for community support is needed at times, as we can all pull each other up.

 

It seems like we both are harping on 2 of the same things.

I was thinking the exact same thoughts of "i cant believe i actually did that" and one of the more agonizing thought of "how easy it was to avoid this".

2 comforting thoughts are i could of did it earlier, and i got into it not knowing what i was fully getting into and it happened so fast. Theres really nothing one can do about that. Thats naivity at its finest.

I saw one guy on youtube make a split decision of joking around on a train that caued him to electrocute 70% of his body, when i was in school taking drivers ed a girl serving a prison sentence had to come give a speech about how she made the decision to check a stain on her shirt after work and killed an oncoming biker.

One of my favorite preachers i would listen to gave his testimony and i was shocked, when he was younger he got a girl pregnant and thought his life was ruined then made a further mistake, he got an abortion.

I bet he had thoughts of i wish i used a condom, then i wish i never had the abortion. All of this because of my selfish desire for sex.

Kids at my school died from drunk driving.

One person i knew of took a video of 2 students doing something wrong at school and long story short he caught a criminal case. (Read between the lines)

My relative knew someone who urinated on public grounds and had to register as a sex offender.

People in improvished areas under stressful situations do things such as commit robbery in their eyes with little to no other options to feed their family and end up serving time and registering as felons, a lot of families have lost young men and women some not even the age of 20 yet due to this kind activity and violence.

Do you know how many ive heard of who regret those decisions? I understand their situation and feel if they had better guidance they wouldve done better.

Famous person who just Died DMX when he was a kid was given a blunt laced with hardcore drugs and was addicted ever since, he just lost his life untimely due to that addiction. Some people feel like they were never even given a shot at life.

My best friend growing up's sister was always hooked on meth and hard drugs and it hurt me to see how it effected him. She also had multiple abortions (if i recall that part correctly) and i knew he grew up hard and sensetive raised by an abusive mother and bad step dad. I didnt know the extent of it at the time, but i was always a good friend to him to comfort him.

Some of these situations happen by accident, some by choice. But the regret and remorse you feel lets you know youre not heartless.

I know this hurts because we knew better and did wrong. I thought about how this would hurt my family, thankfully they didnt have to know. Thankfully i was single and it didnt cost me my family or hurt a significant other.

All im saying is it just happened so fast, i understand the feeling. Thats the part that sucks. Life can change in the blink of an eye. People get cancer, people do stupid things that cost them everything, people get caught up in drugs.

I know the thing you did feels embarassing and way below your standards.

I get that, and i feel the same way.

People sometimes turn to humor to handle that, but i take it a little to serious to go that route

Thats why PMO,Movies, and media are so dangerous. They never betray the harsh cold reality of actually DOING these things. The image NEVER EVER can capture the full brunt of reality. I heard stories of heroin addicts describe their life beforehand and my goodness its so sad. They had perfect clean cut lives. Thinking theyd never touch heroin. When the opportunity finally came they thought "just once" and theyll get by it. That one decision changes the course of their life forever.


Just know weve all messed up somehow and we all need forgiveness.

Take it a step at a time and i think youll be okay.

Its not what we want, but we still have a lot to be thankful for.

I think inspiration can be taken by the 2 others on the thread who went through similar experiences and both testified that they fully overcomed the negative feelings behind it

 

Yes but one thing i want to point out is that even though tragedy happens to some by chance, they still have to carry that burden.

Also the thing that sucks about this most is i dont think you or i expected what we were going to try would have tragic after effects. I assume you were not aware of the potential dangers/after effects.

This situation is weird. I feel the effects in more areas/ways i could of thought. What stings the most is knowing how clear my life would be without this situation.

It leaves me wondering what do i do.

Like i said i know this is our fault and i accept punishment and learning lessons, but the weight of the punishment here is undescrible. Its hard for me to put it to words cause its opened me up to feelings i never knew existed. So how could i ever expect this to happen? I figured if worst comes to worst ill be okay in the end. Its weird idk how to explain it.

Im trying to figure this out.

I was relieved for a few days but the feelings came back intense and hard to shake(i dont want to use the word impossible but it feels like it)

Its like something fundamental has been ruined which then screws up the rest of the course of my life. Ill have to write more later when i feel like i can explain it better.

The one "good" thing thats come out of it is it makes me stay FAAAR away from porn use. Any type of porn use makes the situation 100x worse which is not worth it at all.


The problem with what im dealing with is any positive aspect that happens i see could be 100x better without this scenario. Like for example i could be porn free without this ever happening and the honest truth is id rather be struggling with porn than this. As bad as PMO addiction is ive experienced both and id say its a bit easier to overcome emotionally. The paradox of this however is PMO addiction is essentially what caused this. So PMO is the true monster.

So even if this helped me stay away from PMO, id still be better off without this ever happening so what good did this really bring? Nothing really. Thats why i put good in quotations

Have you cut off all PMO use? Cause theres literally no way youll get better if you still do it

 

Bottom line is it was stupid as hell. We recognize that. Thats what makes me feel better a little bit. Now only time will tell if we get a second chance

 

Bro, I feel you. I really wish you can forgive and forget.

 

Im trying. Truthfully its really hard. I dont know how to put it in place. I dont know how to frame it to show nothing permanent was lost. I know we all as humans mess up, one way or the other, im just being so stubborn about letting this one go.

I thought i was good, but i have a different feeling right now

 

trust god bro, you got this

 

Thanks man. God bless

 

I've never seen so much support in my life I think. Thank you all for sharing your experience. It gives me hope I can also grow beyond this.

 

Good luck, we are all here for each other. Have you acted out on a fetish as well?

 

I'm really happy that I've read this topic.
I also have strong transgender fetish. I've been very sick fot past 10 years and spent a lot of time in solitude, which made me go deep into porn addiction. Lately I've been succesful of 90 days without porn, but then my health problems started again and after 2 months of sitting alone in my room I've started to circle aroud transgender fetish again. I did drink some alcohol and smoked some weed too. I've started to check trans escort sites and edge to the tought of doing it. I was so disconnected from reality and I've brained wash myself thinking 'it's not a big deal, it will be exciting', etc. I've talked to my friend who is really edgy and she excouraged me to do it. I've bought some sex toys, created Tinder account, checked some casual sex dating.

Luckly for me I had to travel to my visit my family for a few days. I've spent a lot of time with my parents and my brothers kids. One evening we were playing outside and I saw how happy the children are, we were all laughing and suddenly I got struck by something. Tears just got into my eyes and I had to hide to get my things togheter. I started to feel shame and got deppressed for some time. I've realised what damage I'm doing to myself and that this fetish will finally consume me if I don't stop playing with it. It was like a bucket of cold water poured on my head, because I've been succesful of no porn for over 3 months and I've thought I had this under control.

I've really felt terrible.

Some days have passed and I'm starting to get better, but from time to time the memory kicks back and I'm struck with sadness. Luckly they go away fast and I feel my soul is healing. I'm getting back on the path I've abandoned and keep walking it again. This time I quit weed/drugs permanently and limit my alcohol usage.

I have managed to came up with few tips how to cope with traumas like this:
1) Do something productive, so that you stop overthinking it. By productive I don't mean playing games or watching netflix, but rather something that will make you proud you did it. For example grow some plants, hit the gym, learn to cook something special, read some books
2) Spend time around people. Focus on things they say and enjoy their company. Try to relax, avoid deppresive topics or don't try to fake being happy ( i did it sometimes )
3) Meditate few minutes every day. It's just few minutes of your time and it will give a great relief after just few days
4) Avoid porn, drugs, alcohol
5) Delete social media if possible - this was hard and I was really hasitating with this one, but I've finally deleted my instagram, facebook and tinder. To be honest it was almost as good as quitting porn
6) Give yourself some time. Moments of guilt come and are hard to handle, but they go away after some time and from my experience I can tell each time is easier and I'm sure someday they will be gone.
7) If those won't work go to a therapist

I know that I may not be the best person to give advices as I've just almost relapsed and did something regretful, but on the other hand I was succesful for over 3 months after being addicted for many years. I'm sure it wouldn't happen if I wasn't sick for so long and tried to cope with it on my own. If I get sick again I'll just go to my family home and stay there with them.

And for the final words I wanted to tell You that You shouldn't be to harsh on yourself. Me, You and many other people here regret what we did. It was stupid, shameful and humiliating, but we are here because we are good inside and we want to change. We want to stop hurting ourselfs and we wan't to make people around us happy. I believe this is a perspective You should be looking at yourself, because this is who we are.
Healing is a process and it needs time, but every passed minute of it takes us closer to the end.
From the bottom of my hearth I hope You will feel better soon.

You are a good person.