Journal of beating PAWS/Flatline!

Agreed, there is no other way.

 

Wow sorry to hear that. I need to be grateful for what i have even tho in my eyes my situation is the worst it can possibly be. I need to remember that it could be worse and hope that it will improve.

 

Digestion not good. Sleep quality i guess its alright but i never wake up full of energy or have vivid dreams like before i quit PMO. My general energy levels are on the low side but could defiently be worse.

 

Yeah man. Stay on semen retention and it will go away eventually.

 

Day 253: After that insanely bad wave, ive had a pretty okay day today. Symptoms have been feeling better. Still not a "good" day but at this point ill take what i can get. Lets see what tommorow brings. Feels good, make me trust the process even tho its extremely rare to have a day with a bit of happiness for me.

 

Thank you man. <3

 

Day 255: Wet dream today. Felt pretty bad yesterday and then okay again today. Always seem to feel rather okay after a wet dream, anyone else feel this? In the beginning of reboot years ago i felt horrible after a WD

 

Day 261: Not much to report, still the same bad days

 

Day 265: So i have decided to take big steps now. I defiently believe PAWS is real and is part of the recovery and i need to do semen retention until im a lot better, defiently. But i have also decided that i have had some mild past traumas that was the reason for me getting addicted. I was always very insecure even before PMO. I will take action and go to therapy and i will also practice TRE(trauma relase exercises). I have been so caught up that semen retention alone would cure me, and perhaps it will but i need to couple it with other things to address old emotions that might be blocking me from healing or moving forward. I did TRE some days ago and felt good the day after, laughed more and was more in touch with my feelings. Today i have a slight hangover because i went out last night with some friends, and my ex texted me and started sending my mild NSFW pictures. Luckily i stopped before it was getting too intense but i still have massive urges today and feels like a very mild relapse.

 

Day 268: Checking in.

 

Day 273: Not much to report. Been having some morning woods here and there. Sometimes symptoms are better, sometimes they are hellish. I dont know how much faith i have in the journey anymore, and that is pretty sad. But only one way to find out, gotta get to 2 years and see. If its not better than its safe to say i need to do other things. I have been doing trauma release exercises and sometimes it feels good the day after anhedonia wise.

 

Day 278: 9 months. My longest streak so far. I dont understand that ive been feeling like this for probably 4 years since the start of my reboot. I dont know if its paws anymore, but i will never masturbate or watch porn again. Because what if this is flatline and i will feel better when i have recovered completely for the huge damage ive done. I felt bad in my childhood too i remember, anxiety and depression and low self esteem. Dont have a clue why tho. I have tried everthing expect medication. And i will probably suffer a whole lot longer before giving in to the big pharma. I hope i will not have too. I miss feeling good, i really do. I miss feeling love.

 

Day 288: Not much to report really. Been having urges and some morning woods, mood hasnt changed, anxiety hasnt changed. Staying on my path! Microdosing is my next step

 

I get morning woods in waves and have for years. Social anxiety and anhedonia stays the same always. About sick of it, dont even think i can recover anymore. But i will do semen retention till i feel better thats for sure