That's what has worked for me. My days are now filled with thoughts and energy geared towards being the best baseball/softball trainer I can be.
@Ice22 Lots of interesting thoughts in your post. Totally what I feel like, or like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. French philosopher Blaise Pascal talked about "divertissement" -- it means "entertainment" but the meaning is closer to "distraction", something that makes you stray from the path. There is nothing wrong about entertainment per se, but he was referring to the fact that most people go through life by distracting themselves, trying to avoid facing the deep questions of life. My mother committed suicide when I was 11, so part of my growing-up years were without a mom (but my dad remarried a few years later).
Day 18 - Haven't been able to check in recently because of travel but should be able to now. I need to make sure I get back in the habit of getting the accountability I need and join SA calls whenever possible.
@marksaysay That would be a fantastic career. Definitely worth giving up fapping for. How is it going? I would love a career in sport in almost any capacity
It's actually pretty awesome. I played college and some minor league ball so training young players is my way of giving back and I love every minute of it! Been doing it full-time now for 3 years.
Day 4, I feel boredom, i completed my work, and skipped gym because of a heart pain. My heart beats fast and sometimes i can't breath, fortunately I'm still alive Now I don't have anything to do, I though about drawing but i don't feel like to...the other options involves screens, which i spent the whole day looking at. I guess, i will take a shower and draw. Stay strong all, As dr treish said: "Control your mind or it will control you" ^^
Exactly, yeah.. I have personally always been interested in what's behind everything and how things work. I've always felt there's a deeper meaning with life and in my life I've had many interesting "mysterious" experiences. You also seem to be that type of person who asks questions and seeks answers. I think this forum attract that type of people. So many on this forum has a lot of wisdom to share with others. I'm truly sorry to hear that your mother comitted suicide. I knew a girl when I was 16-17 and her father comitted suicide around that same age. It must have been really tough for you. My mother is alive but she never cared about me. Never respected me, she always criticized me for everything. I'm her second oldest child out of 5 children. I didn't grow up with those 4 siblings. She didn't care about me at all, except for attacking me of course. She only cared for her other sons and daughters and compared me to them and said how they were much better than me. She referred to her other children as "her children", but I was someone else. She called me a "guest" when I came to visit "her family". I cut all ties with her when I was 17. I just felt "that's enough, I don't want to be treated like a fifth wheel". After that she never called me except for a few times then it went totally quiet for 18 years. I think mom have some type of personality disorder. I've read about narcissism and she tick every box on that disorder so.. I don't hate her and I don't care as much anymore. I've had many years to deal with this emotionaly and mentally. But for a long time I felt some type of guilt and I've always had this emptiness within me that never seem to go away. It's wierd because it feels like my mom is dead yet she's alive and has a life somewhere else. But the good side of this is that I learned how to take care of myself more. I've never looked for anyone to replace a mother figure or anything. But I've had this emptiness that has followed me through life and I'm scared of having too strong emotions. I've been thinking, maybe I started with PMO to artificially fill/replace that feeling of a "void" (?). I grew up with my father and we get along really well so I'm grateful that I have at least one parent in my life. My childhood was a bit problematic but overall I'd say I had many happy moments and it wasn't too terrible.
Thanks for your kind words and sharing your own story. I think many of us have to deal with family of origin issues. For me my mom was the loving & caring one but had manic depression; my dad was more distant and I've resented him later in life. Consciously or unconsciously I have certainly looked for a mother figure in women in porn. Now I am in middle age and my dad (and second mom) are old and frail; I have more pity than anything else and see that they did the best they could under the circumstances. Like anybody else, myself included, they had strengths and weaknesses. Now I can take control of my life and be grateful for the good things in my youth and not be conditioned by the bad things.
