Day 0. A typical example of nearly all falls the last couple of weeks, namely taking the phone to bed at bedtime to check something completely unrelated, but then having a search term or so pop up in my head, which then makes me curious etc. Phone to bed at bedtime is my main trigger - I should stick with my evening routine of reading on the Kindle and/or breathing exercises.
10/90 It has been emotional hell the last few days. My dear cousin committed suicide linked to being extremely depressed. I have been so sad. Have not been productive at all. I can't sleep and have been very lethargic. My neighbor recently asked me what the purpose of life is. I could not give an answer cause I have been asking myself similar existential questions for a long time. Mental health is under great threat today. Personally, I am not going to give up or give in. I will fight for my life. I will live purposefully, whatever that means. I also need to avail myself and be there for others, including my extended family and neighbors instead of thinking of my own problems only.
Oh God! I am so sorry for your loss bro. Stay strong and may God be with you. We may not have an answer to the question what is the purpose of life, but the one who created you will have an answer. Stay strong! It has been a tough day for me too. And don't think too much about it...We can't change the past. Be strong brother!
0/90 Well I am back to zero. Could not sleep and was angry and grieving. I tried watching movies and other forms of entertainment. Then the urge to watch porn became so strong. I have always used porn to medicate emotions I don't want to feel. I am disgusted and ashamed of myself and it has added to the sense of loss and despair I feel right now.
