How do you get a "real" job?

Well what do you want to do? You need to pick a profession. Here it is in basic terms;
Pick an interest,
See what careers are available that cover that interest
Pick one
Research how to get a job/ climb the career ladder
Get training/Qualified
In your free time do things that will help you along the journey/get the job you want (Job is very physical? Get fit. Something to do with animals? Research behavior patterns, diet and species. Something to do with money? Learn math and keep up to times with financial news. Something to do with business? Learn business strategy and structure.
Create a good resume and make sure you show interest to your employers, if they ask you to work weekends say yes for example. You need to show loads of interest and be hungry for it. You need to know your things to do with that career as well.

You have to do everything in your power to get that job. Its a hungry world out their and competition is fierce. Make sure its something you really want to do or else it will be difficult and a waste of time if you get a job you don't even enjoy. It's easy if its something you actually want to do.

Just a bit of advice

 

Ask yourself not "What job can I get?" but "What do I want to DO?". It needs to be something you really feel drawn towards, either because of an unnatural talent you have in the area, or an intense passion you have for the subject (you don't even need to be skilled, if you're passionate, you'll learn as you go). Take that thing, and then ask yourself how can you use that as a way to provide a service to others?

As an example: You like drawing. You want to draw. You especially like to do digital artwork. Bam, you can start offering your services for commission - or look for companies that are looking for logos or artwork and contact them up front offering your services. If you feel like going the completely freelance route, start up your own website, get contacts, advertise, and spread your name.

Another example: You like dogs. You're happiest when playing with your pet dalmation. You've cared for dogs most of your life and had many of them as pets. You could dog-sit in your spare time, provide training services for tough to handle dogs, teach new owners how to best look after their dogs, etc.

Or yet another example: You're a gamer. All you do is sit around playing video games, so perhaps you feel like there's really no career for you. You set up a Twitch stream, a YouTube account, start recording LPs of lesser known games, and doing all night streams. Gradually over a process of 6-18 months, you start to build up a userbase, and can start to make some income from ad revenue, Twitch donations, and merchandise.

Another example: You enjoy spending lots of time on forums and emailing and talking over IM. You enjoy talking. You perhaps can't think of anything you like more. So, you get a job working for a higher up in some company managing their email, customer relations, replying to customer enquiries etc.

Notice how normally liking "drawing" or "dogs" or "gaming" or "talking" don't sound like things to qualify you for any particular job - and yet, I've given examples for all of them. Whatever it is you want to do, there's some way of monetising it and turning it into a career - no matter how niche the interest is.

As for how to actually get a job, if you're genuinely passionate and skilled in whatever you're applying for - you might be pleasantly surprised to realise that you can sometimes bypass the entry requirements a company has. If an IT company for example is hiring someone, and requires you have x and y degrees and such - but you come in, show them your lack of qualifications, but then proceed to show them your previous programming experience, code and websites you worked on, programs you designed etc, your previous clients - then bam, you're hired. If you're capable of being a good candidate for a job, and you're willing to prove it to them via example - you'll generally get the job in most cases.

Master your interviews. Stand out. Be different, and assertive, and turn the tables on your interviewer. Show them that you're talented and worthwhile, and then spin it around and try to find out why THEY would be the right match for you - rather than you for them. Be charismatic and friendly and you'll be much more likely to get the job. A boss knows they can get more productivity out of someone they can have a good conversation with than someone they don't connect with at all - so show them you'll be someone they can get on with.

 

Yep. Fields are like people. Some are interesting right off the bat and some take a little time to sink your teeth into. I never thought I'd like working at a shoe store but sticking through the good and the bad, the tedious and the exciting have made me a better, more knowledgeable human being.

One important thing to consider, other than individual happiness, is your own sense of self-worth. To most, selling shoes sounds like grunt work. But think about how essential shoes are. They protect the feet as well as the ancillary joints and ligaments attached. My self-worth comes from knowing that I may have made at least one person's life easier and more enjoyable. Their foot pain from years of shitty product is healed or on track to being healed. Whether it's shoes, or software or video games is irrelevant. Do you truly feel like you're making a difference in the world? If not, then it's time to get serious about your job search.

 

I don't think you need to pick a vocation. It's nice if you can. If not you just have to be practical about it. I trained as a musician but after 10 years of this had to face reality and simply picked the easiest engineering degree with one of the highest pay rates: computer science. I have always had a knack for figuring things out and building things and the work fits this even better than getting that degree, the degree got me in the door with my early jobs.

 

Did you ever consider becoming an acoustic engineer? I know a woman who works for Bose that channeled her passion for music into a very lucrative career.

 

Absolutely, and believe me I tried, but you really need something more like Electrical Engineering for that, and you can't walk into EE senior level electrical engineering classes and wing it With CS it's much easier as any given course has at most no more than one preceding course required to understand what is going on. I really didn't want to start back from ground one. I specialized in 3d graphics so I got some artistic jollies that way. It worked out well for me. I did the core courses for undergrad in one year and then got into a one years masters of engineering degree. Never had trouble getting well paid work after that.

 

I chose a major that was supposedly lucrative (Economics) What people don't tell you, though, is Economics is a pretty competitive field and the big-earners generally come from top-20 schools which have ultra-rigorous programs. Schools like Harvard, Wharton, MIT. So, now I'm at square one with student loans, rent and everything else that life throws at me. But I'm always using my school's Career Services and sending my resume to prospective employers. And in the mean time I'm either working my lousy job or staying in shape, occasionally trying to get the almighty poon.

 

@The Progressive One
Wow that is tough luck. I'd consider adding another skill if something does not pan out soon. Your economics degree may still give you leverage if combined with something else. I tend to work with a lot of small companies and startups. People who can bridge the technical and business side in some way tend to be useful. You must have had some programming with economics I expect? (BTW that first year of CS I did for free because some bureaucratic at the university told me I couldn't take the classes.... so I just went to the professors directly and asked if I could audit the courses and let me take the exams, no credit, but asked to give me a slip of paper that I was competent in the subject matter at the end... and it worked... and based on my former degree in music and those pieces of paper they accepted me in the one year masters program... paid through the nose for that... but had it paid off two years later)

 

I applied for a job as janitor and they trained me to be a machest.