Post published by Vendettana

Wow, life is hard. I really tried to play it by the rules after all. I believed. In May I finally married my wonderful wife, I'm 38, it is not like too early. She is living abroad, I left the place in order to find a new job. This is very important to get the paperwork so she can join me. When I told my parents that I would marry her, they told me to go to hell. For the new year 2019, they wished me failure in all my ventures, this is the last message I had (cause I blocked their numbers). For more than a year I am living at friends' places, jumping from one to another, paying little rent here and there, but still my savings are melting away. I have been looking for jobs, I have sent hundreds of CVs, well written, adapted and so on. I had interviews, I drove around to do those interviews. At the end of October I will be unemployed for a year. I have a PhD in Physics, that is not like gender studies, it is a hard core education. Now my car is broken down and despite my best efforts I still did not manage to repair it, it 23 years old anyway. I started praying with my wife every evening on the phone and every morning for myself. I had faith and so far there is nothing but despair. I look around and I wonder why other people don't struggle that much, they just find a job, they just marry a girl from around the corner and they don't have to be separated from their fresh wife for months (and who knows, maybe years). Not less than a year ago, I would just drink and masturbate, but I am disciplined, stopped drinking, PMO, caffeine. Life is not fair. Sometimes I really thing God hates me.