Post published by Dreyshady

Good afternoon family,
I feel like there is no point coming back here as I keep failing everyone, myself and God. I haven't been here for a while cause I managed to go over a month without PMO.
I stayed up reading and I closed the book the sleep but then I felt restless and tired, I have been so busy during those times I hadn't PMO’d but now that I wanted a little rest, I fell again, and this morning I woke up feeling disgusted with myself and deciding there was no point I PMO’d again!
Like I have said earlier, I try to read scripture almost every day but I pray every day. I always feel like I'm growing in Gods word, understanding things that I didn't, but this part of me, this perverted part this twisted part always gets me either once in a month or 2 weeks or 3 months, it's dragging me back. It makes me feel like I am not even growing in Gods word at all! I feel like I am running a defeated race already! It's draining mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I know when I PMO’d it affects me for weeks, I get so depressed, but I still go back to it.

Why can't I fight this war to save myself and my future, along with my future spouse and children! What am I doing wrong! I Don't know what to do anymore! If to pray, if to read Gods word, If to just lock myself in my room and speak to no one and cry my lungs out! I WANT TO STOP THIS! I want to walk in the strength of Gods spirit and win this war but I feel too weak.

I am going to try and do a check-in every day here, just to maybe say Hi. Please I ask that you all bear with me. This has taken just about 7years of my life and still wants to take more! I ask that you all pray for me.