35 and Older Accountability Group

Back to day nil. That is all for now.

 

Day 4. I like the mindset for the most part. Having to half day it at a time with real concern and thought about avoiding traps.

 

Barely hit Day 5, struggled a lot today with fantasies at work. Finally left a half hour early and almost reset, but stopped at the last minute. Working out helped a lot, I could almost feel the dopamine hit afterwards, it felt a lot like the feeling I get after PMO, where I just relax again and stop thinking about sex, which makes a lot of sense based on what I've read. Going to try to work out at least 3 times a week from now on. (Have to balance it with other factors unfortunately, like my Chronic Fatigue)

Only 2 more days till I'm finally at a week.

 

Still going strong...been next to my laptop for days and no desire to look at P. Feeling really productive and focusing on my purpose is helping a lot

 

Day 5 check in

 

Today is day 14.

Feels great to be able to show someone my phone without the fear of P making a surprise appearance.

 

Day 5… dangerous because I feel like I’m doing well lol.

Half day at a time. I need to stay focused on avoiding traps until morning. I have no desire PM again - - I see it as dumb reality avoidance behavior. It’s scary how quickly I can buy into the lies of PM if I’m not vigilant.

 

checking in , things are normal, making commitment to muay Thai classes , as new year resolution to become a better person .

 

Day 6 check in

 

Day 12, feeling good. Been too busy to stumble.

 

Today is day 15

21 is my lucky number but let's not stop there I say

ONWARD!!!

up, Up and AwAy!

 

Made it to day 6 last night, forgot to post. Holding on for day 7, but it's definitely turning into a "take it day by day" thing, which is less good... I'd rather just be certain I can make it to x days, which is how I felt a couple of days ago. Still holding on though, and technically I know I can go forever if I want, so just have to keep on working on it. Also worked out this morning, hopefully it makes it a lot easier to get through work today than it was yesterday.

 

Going full monk mode.

Wish me luck fellas !

 

Day 6. Tomorrow will be a challenge

 

Day 53 check-in.

In the thick of the Battle.

 

Keep strong my dude.

 

Got to Day 7. More fantasies all day, but I'm getting better at just ignoring them, or at least, there's no strong temptation to reset or relapse. I'm just looking forward to when they don't happen as often.

I was looking at Day 7 like it was a milestone... but, in a weird way, passing a milestone just makes me feel more like I could reset if I wanted to. Like I deserve a reward for hitting a milestone. So screw milestones. Going to hit 14 days, and then a month, and blah blah. (At least till the 180 day marker, which is the LOTR challenge endpoint. ) The reward right now is I don't have to start my day counter over again... which would suck majorly.

Getting a fair bit of leakage over the last couple of days, due to too much fantasizing. I'm not actually edging or anything, it just happens purely off thoughts... not great, but not a reset I don't believe, so just going to avoid the fantasies as much as possible, and hopefully they get easier to deal with over time. Working out should help.

 

Day 6.5.

Yeah the challenges don’t help me. Something about setting goals for the milestones makes me take my eye off the reasons why no PM.

Woke up early by 2 hours. I’m going to post this then try to sleep. If I can’t I’ll go to work early. Aimless web surfing is the kind of bad habit I can’t afford right now.
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Edit 12 hours later. I stayed up and productive. Going to be alone for the next few nights.

Need to stay focused and not fall for one of my traps “I’m doing so well. Just one more time then I’ll get started for real.”

 

Day 7 check in

 

I can identify with this. I once got to 90 days and collapsed over the finish line. But I've since come to realise that my perception of the nofap process was wrong. You are not actually giving up anything of value. The increased control you have over your own life IS the reward, and it gets stronger with each passing day. It's a precious thing, so nurture it.