Do you have a link to the one you were talking about? Oh yes, I looked into that one too as a sample but the sample didn’t have anything to it other than pages with pictures so it wasn’t very helpful.
I ordered The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His on my Kindle app on my Android two days ago. Just an FYI.
It is VERY Christian. So for those non-religious people, just realized that. I think I'm on chapter 4? So far I think it's really good and probably something I really, really need.
Things are good, birthday is tomorrow and we are having dinner with some friends after work. Friday is Avengers Infinity wars with my mom too (our birthdays are 5 days apart) and a birthday gathering Saturday. Hubby and I talked about taking away the restrictions off his phone, so we discussed him starting his journal with at least 3 day min a week in its place. He even one upped up me with stating he will start the habit before we remove it. I asked for the 3 day min so I will also make that commitment too, we are doing this together and I don’t like asking something of someone with having the ability to do it myself as well. I am proud of him for starting it last night and his 222 days! Talking with some other SO’s and bonding with them in new friendships feels really good. I’m feeling more confident at work and in reality I feel like I’m privately managing extra responsibilities so I do wonder how many people notice outside of my hubby, or maybe it just feels that way. I’m very appreciative thet he notices, that means a lot to me. We have been slacking on our 7 week exercise, so I am a little bummed about that.
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Jennica!! Happy birthday to you!!!!!!!!
This was good week but I busy one with work and birthday stuff. I saw friends I miss dearly and haven’t seen in way to long, friends I talk to regularly, and family. *side note: Avengers infinity war was really good, now I have to wait another year, that will be hard Hubby was amazing with his cooking, he took the lead on the party and let me hang back. That felt amazing, i guess it’s the emotional labor thing. I’m usually a stress case, cleaning, gathering and setting up and making sure everyone is comfortable and has what they need. Maybe to many years of working in restaurants. So many flowers, orchids from him the other day, orchids from another friend and a boutique from another. Did say I love flowers. I had great conversations and man I miss that level social-ness. He gave me the opportunity to truly enjoy it rather than being preoccupied with being the hostess. we did clean up together afterwards as a team, still need to vacuum again but that’s easy. We are both talking and opening up to other folks here on NF. That feels good and something I need to do more of on a deeper personal level.
Work is ramping up again and we are already feeling burnt out. The weather was beautiful and warm today. I just wanted to soak up the sun but our office is cave with no windows. I did find myself not enjoying it as I much as I wanted to while outside for a few breaks during the day. Normally this isn’t an issue but the weather, a baseball game and some sort of a concert starting accross the street from us it started to hit me with horrible feelings of low self esteem. I found my self noticing his various “types” walking about. What I wouldn’t give to not feel like that is a possible “threat” like it used to and just enjoy the weather again. As we were leaving work hubby and I were stuck walking through the crowds to the parking garage. He was trying to “notice” not ogle, focusing on faces and not get triggered by the what felt like never ending sea of triggers. I was feeling (nicely as can put it), horrified at my self image and I do know I’m attractive logically, I just don’t feel it. I can’t look in the mirror anymore without seeing everything wrong with me physically anymore. It doesn’t help that I have had premature ovarian failure and starting to feel the menopause coming on too. I thought I would have a good 10 more years on me but I’m digressing now. We had a good conversation about the sea of triggers while walking and actually I think it helped us both. Rather than battling what we were feeling silently we spoke to each other about it in the moment and that’s progress in my book for both of us. I think it took the external focus off everyone else in the sea and we mentally focused on each other during the conversation. I believe it would have effected us further if we hadn’t acknowledge it in the moment. Even though we were both feeling bad about ourselves for various reasons we had a win overall.
Work is back full swing and the load will get to be more next week. I (we) have been slacking with NoFap this week big time. It doesn’t help that I developed a bilateral ear infection on top of it. No rest, no sick days with to much to do at home and work. Thankfully the antibiotics and steroid shot they gave me absolutely helped. My peri menopause is doing its thing and driving me nuts, just in time for summer and I can’t ware my comfortable summer clothes without feeling like a sausage. I’m not feeling myself on top of all of it all but the work load is a distraction at least. But it has put more pressure on my self esteem lately. I’m not comfortable in my own clothes let alone skin, never knowing when I will have cycle and what it does to me physically leaves me feeling uncomfortable to say the least. Amazing it is with all this stress and no downtime we have been doing good, no fights, and communicating quite well. We are working this Saturday too and family stuff Sunday for mother’s day. I am very much looking forward to it, but I want a day to work in the yard with the gorgeous weather we are supposed to have. Relaxing downtime is needed, how I wish we have my dream hot tub at home. Relaxing in the yard with a cold beer and soaking in a hot tub with my hubby would be magical right now.
Truly tiring week and still going. Work today and mother’s day tomorrow with family. One thing I love is bringing out two families together and they really enjoy being around each other. When we joined our extended families joined too. I feel that is something special. The other end Mother’s Day, internally for me is something that’s hard to deal with for a few reasons. I personally feel it’s something I should take pride in but I always feel it’s something I don’t deserve or a loss. It’s a bit depressing. My mother is an amazing lady, she is the only one that ever acknowledges Mother’s Day for me and I love her for it. Between my hubby and I we are doing well, most of my hang ups are my own and I’m trying to deal with or not focusing on them. I’m still dealing with bad self esteem issues at the moment. My body is changing in a rapid undesirable way, faster than I can mentally adjust. My ears are healing but still bothering me so I’m mentally warring down. Just need to get through the next few weeks.
Today was such an awesome day. We spent the day downtown with my mom, granddaughter and my husband’s mother, sister and his two nieces. We were able to get incredibly beautiful flower bouquets for everyone at the local market, crumpets for breakfast. We had a ride on the waterfront Ferris wheel, and an awesome seafood lunch. His sister is an amazing single mother of two girls, one of she adopted from over seas at age 2. What she has achieved for them is incredible and she did it all alone. I have a lot of respect for her. Hubby surprised me at the end of the day with a late birthday gift by taking me to my favorite shoe store (fluevogs, I have quite a weakness for them) and we went home with a new pair of boots that I fell in love with. I’m currently sitting on the deck in my PJ’s while wearing them, super silly I know but hay it’s the little things right. The weather is amazing today to boot. I’m super tired but I’m ready to relax and watch some walking dead. Even though it’s going to be 85 tomorrow, I’m going to have to show off the new footwear at work tomorrow.