I've been meditating for the last 4 days. I started it on a previous NoFap streak of 20 days, which was on day 19. I was originally going to try 'bulking' first to remove my 'skinny-fat physique', however I realised that getting in tough with my spirituality is way more important for the time being. I found a spot on the top of a hill which overlooked various aspects of where I live. I sat there and meditated for about an hour and a half. I became distracted a few times during my meditation. I found that the best way to deal with these distractions is by just sitting there with the thoughts, observing but not engaging. It was quite painful at first, I felt as though my eyes were bulging out of their sockets and bleeding from underneath. I then relaxed into the flow of nature and became more and more enlightened as each thought passed through into the clear. I imagined an Indian girl walking me through the forest on the first day of this practice. She was wearing a golden skirt wrapped in jewellery of sapphire and emerald and ruby. She was like a glistening rainbow, brightening the skies from the disposition of rain. I walked with her through the garden and passed the various plants. There were orchids, roses, lavender, lemon bushes etc. The garden exhumed the fragrances of its flowers, as did the woman who walked. Her perfume, a soft mint, travelled through my nostrils. I could smell the salted breeze, mixed with the satiating smell of a multitude of multi-coloured multi-cultural dishes that were lain across a wooden table. As we reached the end of the garden; I saw her. An elephant, the personification of the divine femininity that surrounds us everyday. The same energy that we get from abstaining from unneeded orgasm and the inner-peace and joyfulness that it brings. Present and all-knowing, gentle and strong, the elephant stood on the same-level as me. I climbed on her back, the smiles of the woman beside me gently soothing my solar plexus. I then rowed off, invigorated by my intuition. I liked the experience so much the first time I tried it that I want to make it a daily habit. I am going to meditate for 21 days to make it a habit. It keeps off the feelings of low self-esteem that I have and gives me this childlike energy of blissful aura. I love meditation. This will record my prior meditations, in addition to the forthcoming ones. I expect to get in touch with my inner-consciousness and to become connected to the universe before I go onto my bulking. I will record that too in a separate thread once the 21 days are completed.
Day 4: I meditated for 27 minutes today. I was disturbed a few times, but that didn't really bother me, I was in too much of a flow with the nature that surrounds me to take notice. I saw myself at the end of the meditation. I was breathing deeply. I was in awe with myself. I usually see myself as being an ugly thing and that having a sense of self is just anxiety inducing. Today I was clearly disproved. I would have continued for longer if it weren't for the postman bringing me a film that I requested. I feel as though I have summoned this film by distracting myself from the thought of its arrival. I was initially anxious that it wouldn't come because of the lock-down. I am deeply satisfied and have more of an incentive now to continue with this discipline. I thought of this just, but, I may purchase some incense or some flavoured teas to deepen the meditation. I would play some music, however I feel as though technologising the meditation would interfere with nature and all its beauty. I will not play music during a meditation.
Day 11: I forgot this thread existed. I relapsed today, so it wasn't the best of days. I managed to get 3 sessions in of around 30 minutes altogether. I tried using the meditation to enhance my music, like the Beatles did when they wrote 'The White Album'. It didn't work and I got distracted. I've been distracted for a few days because I broke my rule and decided to search for meditations on YouTube. Of course, that leads me down a rabbit hole of swapping between meditations. Seen as I've used YouTube to relapse, I might take the whole day off to focus on centring my mind. It's not a dopamine fast, I don't think myself to be that advanced. It's just a little stimulation fast. A few days ago of making this habit a consistent practice (around day 7) I noticed that I had gotten into a flow with my work, I became unaware of both the past and the future. I find having no thoughts scary in theory, which is one of the things that deter me from getting the high NoFap streaks, but it is deeply satisfying in practice. Especially when you return your awareness to the room and see how much work you have done.
