Hello. I've been googling how to get rid of a fetish and it brought me up to this site. I am in desperate needing of help... I had several non harming fetishes over time, some passed some are part of my character (like rough sex, forced one, some bdsm). Those don't harm me because I finally found a girl who shares the same one and we have a lot of fun together. But there is an issue, a fetish I am embarassed about that came from porn and that I need to get rid of before it destroys my relationship. I somehow over the time got aroused when my girlfriend was talking to other boys or when she had pool sessions with a coach and one day I got so aroused i fapped to that and gave me pleasure. But thats when it all went to shit, because now if i fap thats the only thing that gets me to the end in very little time, when i think of her doing things with other men. It is not part of me or who i am, i am disgusted by it and i want it to stop. My girlfriend is really beautiful, over my league, we both love each other very much, shes a virgin. And we are getting close to having sex (took a long time for her to trust), and im so scared i get to that point and ill not be able to get to cum unless i think of what i said above. Never had sex either so i dont know how it is or if its releated to thoughts. When she touches me down there or anywhere she arouses me more than anything and i had the best pleasure with her either if it was a handjob or anything else. But this fetish is making things very hard for me and i want it to stop, its not who i am. I would never want my gf to cheat on me, i would probably be shattered and id leave her next day i found out, so i dont know where this fetish is coming from. What should i do? Im desperate. Thank you.
The advice you need is to give up porn. That's how to get rid of it. Also, you say neither of you has had sex. That means you need to be really careful about rough sex and BDSM, which you mention. You might not be really interested in that stuff anyway, once you give up porn. But even if you will both be into it one day, you're not ready for it. Give up porn, don't rush to have sex and keep away from anything like BDSM till you're a lot more sexually experienced.
Thank you! I will give up porn and I hope the thoughts I have and the arousal I get from them will dissapear. The rough sex and stuff, we talked about it and it will be, like you said, when we both will feel experienced enough. For the moment we will just have normal sex. Only concern is i can't tell her about this shitty fetish and if she will want sex I can't postpone it for months, she might feel i dont want to do it with her. I will stop porn, will stop faping and ill do a cold shower everytime i have thoughts. I hope the sex will be alright, it might save me from this. Thank you!
You need to raise your self-esteem. It sounds like you think you don't deserve your girlfriend because she is really beautiful. Pick up a book on raising your self-esteem.
I am aware of my self esteem problems, trying for a long time to raise it. Not easy because i had childhood traumas :/
Try this book: How to Raise Your Self-Esteem: The Proven Action-Oriented Approach to Greater Self-Respect and Self-Confidence by: Branden, Nathaniel
Dude, you’re really hiding a big part of yourself with her, it’s pretty unfair to yourself (and to her). If you’re into the cuckold fetish that’s fine, the problem is the whole self-shaming thing you’re doing in reaction to it; it’s going to lead to self-sabotage. I recommend seeing a therapist NOT to get rid of he fetish, but to understand where/how you got it. The fetish could go away on it’s own after understandinn it, or you might learn to embrace it and have a free and fulfilled sexlife. If you hide and repress this stuff, it’s going to come out later when you’ve invested much more in your relationship(s). You’re hiding this part of you, and you’re afriad she won’t love you if she sees it. This is completely the wrong perpective. The right way is to show her everything, and if she loves you *then* she loves you, all of you, authentically and you can relax without shame. 5-10 years down the road you may *really* want to do the fetish stuff for real life, and it could be a huge deal(I can't express this enough). If you get all invested with some girl that finds it disgusting, let alone has her own repressed sex attitude, then you’re fucked.
From what I know, your fetish is not at all unusual. I don't know if it's something that porn has largely created or if it's something that pre-dates porn by a LONG time. Either way, I'd really like to learn more about it, but not from a porn site (I've "studied" all those quite closely, thank you very much.) I wish I had some great advice for you, but I don't. Maybe just this: I think it's OK to have fantasies that we never act on. Is it possible simply to accept that this is a fetish/fantasy of yours, but that it's not a part of "real" life? Then again, primal, above, makes the good point that maybe the fetish is worth exploring with the right partner(s). I dunno. This stuff is hard! Good luck, mate.
