Joking of course , I had an urge today , it started during my meditation , it was a redhead from a porno , luckily It didn't last long , a couple of seconds but I notice once the thought is stopped or a new thought inserted in its place , that stops the urge in in tracks , then there is no M and if there is no M then there is no O . Plus ultimately this practice gives us control over our thoughts , which is true self mastery and that is the a goal worth striving towards .
2/365 - I read a book once that claimed orgasm stirs up the brain for emotional instability for a period of time afterwards... I think it was 3 or 4 weeks. I have noticed feelings of mild depression and self-loathing have been absent from me for quite some time. Maybe there is something to that.
Day 110 " Anyone who dares to take control of their life...to face themselves at all levels and actually take action/build good habits will almost certainly be successful and AT LEAST happy." – Atman John
Was the book Cupid's Poisoned Arrow by Marnia Robinson? If it is, that book changed my perspective on orgasm also. I used to think that ejaculation was the only thing that caused those type of things.
Day 29- Feeling really good. I have woken up in great spirits. NoFap with personal development is definitely the way to go in this life.
Day 0/100 (Days Clean Before Return Home) I had a day where I was pushed to come to terms with a lot of things that I'm battling and still haven't beaten or haven't accepted I'm battling with. I reconciled all of it and even realized some things about myself and why I'm doing this. And I just got urges over and over again, maybe because I was so wiped out, and I lost it. I'm so scared that the person I am now is so inconsistent with the person I know I'm capable of being and I keep doing this thing that I know holds me back and it's getting to the point where I'm starting to doubt and really be afraid that I might not beat it. This year was supposed to be about sorting myself out and excelling because I'd finally gotten over this shit and instead I've spent it chasing myself around in circles and letting life kick my ass. Maybe it's not to the point where I don't believe it's possible to win, but this and the rest of my bad habits are certainly winning at this point and I am more afraid than I've ever been because of how long this shit has gone on that I might not. I think I need to start using this platform to the fullest of its extent instead of just posting casually, I think I need to start being a little more real about what I'm going through and where I'm at. I think I feel worse than I've felt in a year, and it's all because I fought with myself over and over again and just decided to give in. And not all those defenses I took the 50 days of sobriety to build up are gone as is the meaning and clarity that came with it. At least this is a good thing in that I think I'm finally realizing how torn up my life actually is and that I do need to really do something about it. So, day 0 again. I don't believe I can do it right now, but I need to find a fucking way because I can't live like this anymore and I refuse to give up, so I'm either going to continue to be miserable and keep banging my head against this post or I'm eventually going to beat it.
Day 4 No edging No porn subs Woke up screwing the mattress today , Waking around with a stiffy all day , This is sexual transmutation level 5000