What to do against Social Anxiety?

Do you read? Do you meditate? Do you exercise?

I’m asking because these can help, or fine tuning your approach can help.

 

Social anxiety is all about being too concerned with doing the perfect thing to get a perfect outcome which doesn't exist.

People think they have to say or do things that are more special than what they normally do in order to get people to like them.

So they build immense pressure on themselves. Which causes the fear / anxiety.

The best thing you can do is let go. Allow people to reject you. Allow people to dislike you. Stop trying to be perfect, smooth, or liked by everyone.

Not everyone can handle that tension / conflict / negative experience / pain.... so they try to be liked by everyone... which is why they will never get rid of social anxiety and they will never have better relationships.

 

Okay............. but will you be meditating when you come across someone you find attractive and you have a chance to talk to them?

Will you be meditating moments before you need to have an important discussion with your boss / parents?

The moment to act is usually scary, difficult, and uncertain. Complete opposite of the calm and serenity of what you feel during meditation. So how can you condition yourself to perform during those moments of tension when you're too busy calming yourself or even worst... avoiding these difficult situations in the first place?

 

Meditation will help you face your anxiety as a whole. It will help you comprehend what makes you anxious. With comprehension it will appear small and silly to be anxious over certain interactions you were once a fraid of. Then in your day to day when those situations come you can have broade viewpoint of it, and you don't have to let it affect you emotionally, you won't be so identified with a specific outcome or afraid if things don't go a certain way. You can eventually maintain the awareness you have in meditation, throughout your day. It takes time and dedication but will most certainly pay off, and if you haven't put a tool into use, how can you be certain about it's effectiveness or lack of it?

 

Good point but if he meditates the right way it’s training the brain, like the Samurai did..so that he is more in control during those situations that cause him anxiety...not to sit on a cushion when he is anxious about approaching a pretty girl, haha ( just poking a bit fun bro, I respect your comment)

Stay strong

 

Ok what exactly are you having social anxiety about? Not everything can be causing you to be anxious, is it talking to girls? Bring in big groups?

 

Ok, I have trouble speaking in front of big groups and I have done big talks before...that’s normal.

With the other..I think it’s just you need more confidence and self actualization as Maslow puts it.

You just need to train, like you train in the gym to get big muscles, train your mind..and not to overcome this, but for you in general.

You are on the right path, you are looking fir answers, that’s huge.

 

There is no miracle cure for overcoming social anxiety that's going to work fast and be pain-free but one of the most important things you can do (but going out and meet people / socialize) is to continue working on yourself (i.e. self-development). This means that as you are building a good life around yourself with a loyal and supportive social circle, where you have goals and missions in life, where educate yourself by reading books, practicing self-control, exercising and so on, you are going to gain confidence as time goes by and feel very good about yourself.
As you have this feeling of feeling good, confidence and in no need of anyone's approval in everyday life, your conversations will run quite smoothly as you have an interesting life around you and couldn't care less about what people think about you because if they disagree or dislike you, there is no loss at all.
To conclude, I would just suggest work on bettering yourself day by day and the social anxiety will fade away.

 

I know some people may disagree but I would talk to your doctor. Medicine does help but by all means continue working on improving it while taking the medication. To be more specific Celexa and klonopin help a great deal. Celexa also helps with ocd, and depression witch I also have some.

 

I agree...sometimes we need a little help with our biochemistry..I used to not think that..but now I do...

SamE can work great for some people.

 

I have social anxiety and Elevate’s post speaks very powerfully to me. I am guilty of doing what he describes - trying to please people, etc. - and the result is terrible social anxiety. I am going to start following his advice immediately.

 

I also have variable social anxiety, which almost makes it extra weird. I can feel that people sometimes be like: what an easy relaxed dude, and other times... like.. whatd wrong with him (me) i can really feel the difference.

I was thinking.. im gonna try a new 'technique'. I will be more 'egoistical' in interactions.. trying to please myself, make it nice&funny for myself. I think paradoxically then the others may appreciate it more as well.. the vibe may be better. So instead of thinking.. what should i say, how should i act? I just say & act what is most funny to me. Maybe a weird idea but i just check how it works out

 

It's a great strategy.

Basically do what you want. Live your truth. Express yourself honestly. Say what you want. Do what amuses you and makes you proud. Place more value on yourself and what you want to do rather than on outcomes.

Expressing yourself in this way will allow the people that resonate with you to actually find you (since you're not busy hiding who you really are) and allow other people to leave your life.

It's okay to be selfish / egotistical. In some ways this is more compassionate to others since you're not manipulating their opinion of you and you're able to share more of who you are with others.

Definitely give it a try.

 

Be social.

 

Thanks for the feedback!
Great stuff.