The 25th I was so busy yesterday I did not even have time to update. I didn't even have time for urges and lustful thoughts. It feels good to be a productive human again.
Day 65. Made it through the last two days. Honestly I almost cracked, the urges were making me bonkers. Feel calmer now. The storm seems to have passed. Will do some exercising and a long meditation today. Thank you for your support guys.
You're right of course. The most powerful step we can take is to make a decision, a real deep-down, gut-level, committed decision.
135/365. I have been feeling very lost lately. Feeling this way increases my chance of relapse exponentially. I relapse not out of love of watching pornography, but as a way to avoid feelings that I am feeling; a way to forget everything. Swimming is actually good for me, and it is a way for me to forget things I am feeling; a way to de-stress. Same with practicing basketball. I also should talk to someone a trust, someone I can fully talk to that can offer me sincere advice.
I read some good posts today. The urges have been very present the last few days and thankfully I haven't given in. My thinking needs to change for me to have any lasting success. A deep and committed decision needs to be made but I don't seem to be there yet. One day at a time if I don't give in to tghe addiction I may grow into the decision. Either way it's one day at a time maximum and right now minimum. One day at a time.
The 26th Feeling quite tired even after sleeping. I played a game of soccer with younger guys in their early twenties yesterday. They made me feel like I was 60. They zipped around the ground with so much energy and zest. I overexerted myself trying to keep up. I enjoyed myself though. It was so much fun. I get to rest today all day.