Day 49/90 Checking in. Edit: pmo thoughts are not leaving me alone. These p thoughts comes first in mind for some events or situations or whatever happens infront of me. My mind is turning me into pmo, Trying to drag me by making me to google search curious situations. But as I have experienced before and fell into trap multiple times and relapsed. This time I tried to stay not getting into trap and hence not google searching any doubts with will eventually lead to relapse. But these frequent thoughts of pmo is making me lose confidence in winning this streak. Already from a long time I am not going to gym. Morover the membership is almost over too. I am occupying my mind by learning new things for my career. I want to be keen that I have to focus for my good career and health both physically and mentally. Cheers guys
Hmm... I was thinking about am I more in a comfort zone or not? I do my hobbies, go to school (even if I don`t want), do sometimes homework/household. But to pick up a girl, ouf there I am way tooo scared unfortunately. I remember I asked I guess 2 or 3 girls out... and it was a horrible feeling. Of course they blocked... Frustrates/depresses me when other boys get girls without doing anything... And so rises my loneliness, I also peaked some half.naked girls, but after 2 seconds it was too uncomfortable and disgusting for me, so I listened to music and tried to calm me down...welp
Day 25 A couple of days ago , I was scrolling through my Quora feed and I came across an image of female breast..out of curiousity i looked closely for a second (I did not know what it was initially) but when i saw what it was , I immediately scrolled away..... During this , I was not really aroused by the image and i moved away from it immediately...I hope it does not count as relapse. Since a my last nocturnal emission few days ago(that has nothing to do with the unwanted image i saw), I have little or no urges , minimum erections , and Iam not really getting aroused very quickly (especially at first glance). I hope this means that my brain is getting rewired and it is part of reboot process.....
Day 5 complete. I feel so much better without caffeine and sleep aids. Oh and without the poison that is porn.
Relapsed. This is what I learned. A bit of backstory, I have been watching P for almost 10 years. I started in my early teens and it became almost a compulsion to watch it whenever I am stressed. This also meant stonewalling the problems in my life. The other thing about me is there are problems worse than P addiction that are not easy to solve. So whenever, I think about quitting P, I realise there is no point because there are these other problems which needs to solved and there is no way of doing it. So, why bother about P addiction? But let me also clarify, every single problem has something to do with P addiction, either directly or indirectly, It was not very obvious back then but now looking back I am sure now. So what did I learn? I learnt that though it was easy at first, fighting it will become hard as time goes by. Remember, we are addicts. May be we will for the rest of your life. At best, we can only control. It is always advisable to be on a cautious side. I will suggest going a full monk mode for the first 30 days and then aim for the 90 days. It is also much more important to replace the time doing something productive. I mean I have hobbies, but did not actively use it to the beat the P addiction. That was a huge mistake. We need to proactively redirect our mind to something else. The more social the hobby the better. Remember, we started doing this only because we were lonely and nothing else. But if you prefer being alone because you are so damaged that you are not ready to socialise, like me. Then make you hobby more physical. For men, I can think of hitting the gym or travelling. For me personally, I have decided to travel. I will pack my backpack and just leave. No too much thought and planning, every weekend I will just leave the comfort of my house. So, yeah, Day 0/90.
Day 49/90 Successful. Today the thoughts of my past intimacy are too strong to handle. After that I thought it would leak some semen. But it's dry nothing wet. Why it didn't leak?? it should leak right ??? And the thoughts/imaginations that passed through my mind are pretty intense too. I need some answers guys.
I edged two days ago, but that's better than a true fall I figure, so its day 10, but I have to stick better to hard mode.