Longer term rebooters - PAWS?

Those adrenaline rushes were the worst. Could barely speak to people and when I saw people at work I quickly turned to other way. I did not wanted them to see how weak I was. I was stuttering, had a monotone voice, had no clue what to even say to them. When talking to someone to do a new task at work, I couldnt even focus on what they were actually trying to tell me. I was ashamed to tell them I became too stupid to understand what they meant. I made so many mistakes during my job. It was like I was an young child trying to ride a bike for the first time and failing many times. I call this "low IQ syndrome". These adrenaline rushes and low IQ syndrome lasted for months and I had to call in sick to work so many times. Luckily I don't have it right now. (Not yet at least)

 

Yea simple tasks become an absolute nightmare. Concentrating on anything doesnt work. Conversations go straight through you. It really can get bad.

 

yooo you just explain my work life back in the days. There were days I went to work and I wanted to tell my manager:" I got enough of this sh**." but couldn't due to bills I had to pay. I almost fought an assistant manager early 2018. The worst I used to be scared to even ask to do something in the job because I know someone will watch or i will make mistake while shaking uncontrollably. Back then, I felt people were against me. Friend lost respect and people who knew me in basket ball court or soccer field called me names due to poor performances.

 

I started about 25 years ago. I’m just a typical cliche. Same story as everyone else. Failed relationships and a life long selfish sex life and addiction and all the stuff that comes with it. I got really bad into multiple times a day and on my lunch break and before bed and whenever I was alone as soon as smart phones came out. Infinite P in my pocket. But I am thankful I have a job where I can basically fake it thru my flatline and PAWS. Even as we speak I feel like I’m watching my own life thru a lense or like someone choked me out but right before I passed out they let me go and I’m still stunned and now I’m stuck like that. It’s hard to explain but I think we all have it here for awhile. I will give you huge props if you say your a teacher and functioning like this. I can barely get out of my bed and not cry in the morning. And I don’t even know why most days. And I’m I big 6’3” macho white guy. It’s really disturbing and awkward and uncomfortable to be around me right now and don’t look directly at me because I’m sure not looking anyone in the eyes right now. At least for two years I guess.

 

Thank you. Ok I will call it low iq syndrome too. And yeah. I like how you said “I don’t have it right now”. Someone said before that when it is gone you can hardly remember the feeling or having it, but then ou sure do when you wake up one morning and it’s back full force like bam. And your like nooooooo

 

Any long term rebooters with chronic PIED or absence of morning wood, may want to get checked for folate or iron deficiency anemia, as well as vitamin D deficiency.

 

Hi. Still heavy brain fog body aches like flu and anxiety and tingly and rushes of adrenaline at work like panic attacks and some other stupid crap happening to me. Anybody use any CBD’s or sleep aids or any kind of pills like melatonin to help with some of this? I don’t smoke weed or drink but my friend at work has a bad elbow and swears by his cbd pen. Any thoughts or input would help thanks guys and hope everyone is well

 

I've used CBD oil; for the anxiety as well. I'd say, proceed with caution. It helps, but you want it to be 100% pure and not overdo the dose. My anxiety seemed to get a bit worse after a couple of days as I was increasing the dose, but also since mine wasn't 100% pure I think.
Some brands will still contain traces of the psychoactive compound THC, which is notorious for either causing anxiety or making it worse.

 

Hey man ty. Yeah I don’t do good on thc. Maybe I will try the zero thc or some St. John’s wart. I’m also gonna get some melatonin after work. I’d kill for a good nights sleep. Body buzzing ear ringing anxiety muscle weakness numb spots that come and go out of control terrible thoughts, small dead penis all day but then I wake up in the middle of the night with a big lasting raging erection. My whole world is changing physically and mentally. Crap I forgot the question

 

Took a 3mg dissolving melatonin last night. It helped me fall asleep fast. Woke up every 2-3 hours anyway tho. Restless leg tingling and buzzing hard. Brain extra foggy all night but easily fell back asleep each time. Pee’d twice. Heavy groggy walk to bathroom. Raging erection all night and morning. Would be cool to use it since this is the longest amount of time it’s been this hard, it’s been in awhile after all those sad PIED nights where I let my wife down, but stayin steadfast to myself. I have a longgggg way to go. Woke up for work not too groggy I spose I took it early enough for it’s half life ioono. I’m also a zero caffeine guy so my weapon is sleep. But yeah not too groggy today at work from the melatonin. Just the normal PAWS fog dizzy anxiety adrenaline rush can’t look at people finger tips tingling now weak muscles and a sore developing on the tip of my tongue from chronically tongueing my teeth and most of the last few days I’ve felt like a weird anger inside me at the stresses of lazy co workers and I’m also in the middle of a heat wave 111° sharp head pains sinus stuff going on and some other stupid junk happening to me. I’m being nice to the wife and kids, maybe just a little distant like a zombie. Not fun dad right now but it’s too hot to go outside anyway so everyone gets a pass to have device and console time. N1c lol. Stay strong men. Keep your hands out of your pants

 

So it's been 26 days since my last relapse and some symptoms like pretty bad social anxiety and afraid of the grocery store have come back. Anyone else afraid of shopping during their reboots/PAWS?

 

So at nearly 6 months monk mode I want to just share my experience;

This weekend I downloaded Tinder to see if there are any nice girls on there (I hadnt spoken to a girl in so long), here's my notes;

1) Swiping and talking to girls turned compulsive for first few days - spending hours a day like a kid in candy store
2) My brain lit up like a Christmas tree in terms of excitement/dopamine - the beginning of using Tinder I had to be super mindful
3) The weird brain aching/sensations/pulsing increased 10x whilst using it and talking to girls
4) Talk turned some of the time sexual and even received naked pictures
5) Anxiety/feeling of body being tired and overstimulated increased
6) Urge to PMO isn't there anymore or at least now I can chose not to do it - but urge to go out and meet and have sex was huge and had to really stop myself (I had an offer to have a threesome with two girls)

I didn't PMO nor did I meet anyone, and I feel like the dopamine could have set me back slightly - but, I feel not much different then before.

Insights I learnt;

1) It's the subconscious addiction to the feelings of the dopamine rush which is addictive and compulsive. However the mind focuses on the content of whatever scenario or girl Im talking to - and wrongly believes that the construct of this content is what Im addicted to - when infact it's the excitement/rush feelings/sensations and the numbing/euphoric feeling of the dopamine which is what is addictive - the content is irrelevant

2) Because we are so consciously focused on the content whilst subconsciously being addicted to the feelings produced by the content - we miss the obvious truth that most non-addicts seem to grasp - the feelings the content produces (excitement/rush feelings/sensations and the numbing/euphoric feeling of the dopamine) aren't actually that enjoyable when you consciously observe it. It actually becomes super tiring and unwanted.

It seems clear that we need to get our minds to accept the truth, to move away from the content and to observe the feelings the content produces - to accept the truth - the feelings produced aren't that great and aren't worth craving and pursuing - it's one massive illusion.

Onwards and upwards - the day shall come for full recovery - it has to. The weird throbbing/sensations in head and general/social anxiety at 6 months are reduced - but still present. I have a feeling 12-18 months is where its at for me to make a complete recovery.

 

Yup. Ty for posting that and reminding me that I’m not the only one with that annoying symptom still. I use to like going to Walmart actually but now in my reboot I can’t. It’s like all the dopamine that pmo put in my brain is gone and now until my brain heals I’m gonna have to accept some pretty harsh symptoms. I can’t even look at people anymore. That one sucks too at work. But the physical symptoms seem to wane after awhile. Exempt the adrenaline rushes and panic attacks

 

I was afraid to meet anyone including hairdresser - family - friends. Basically your whole system is in shock/stress and anything and everything are causing feelings of anxiety

Everything becomes the straw that breaks the camels back - your central nervous system is so fragile during this time.

In my experience as progressing along - slowly my overall mind/body/system is healing and calming down so overall central nervous system is relaxing - this becomes a self perpetuating cycle - sleep slowly improves which slowly improves baseline system tress, which in turn lowers anxiety which allows better sleep/rest etc etc

This process is way slower than I imagined and as above my gut tells me it could take 12-18 months to fully heal and be free from central nervous stress induced anxiety

 

Oh yeah my normal trip to greatclips was a nightmare of anxiety. I think the guy doing my hair was kinda looking at me like a crackhead. Now I’m just letting it go shaggy till I feel able to. It was bad. And of course since it was great clips I got an even choppier haircut. My #2 on the sides fade had bald spots of dark and light. Normally I’d say “uhh hey can you try to blend this a little please”, but instead I just wanted to go home. Even going to work I can’t get out of my bed until the very last second where I won’t be late then I get up out of the dark and go. I hate this. It’s the exact opposite of the old falsely confident outgoing social butterfly me. I’ll wait a year for the magic to happen tho. Anything to fix my brain

 

This might be an explanation to why my recovery has been slow due to me drinking caffeine on an over stressed nervous system. I was still gradually recovering even with caffeine in my system especially from the nightmare adrenaline anxiety porn gives you. But still had many, many sleepless nights due to PMO withdrawal combined with caffeine. Now off nearly two weeks and I'm sleeping much better, erections are a bit better as I've probably been sleeping better and recovering well.

It just so happens with other substance abuse issues like some people recovering from benzos who cant tolerate caffeine in their recovery. Infact I think PMO withdrawal makes you sensitive to everything and anything.

 

That's how it is for 13 months in my case. A lot of symptoms such as tremors, body pain, etc... still can't function properly in society but better than 10 months ago. It's what Paws about:" chemical imbalance in the brain" which affects our well being.

 

Most definitely agoraphobia was a symtpom of mine. I've had unemployment stints that was directly linked to my porn use over time. I had two years off from 18-20 as I continued to burn myself out from PMO and a job that with an already overloading stress response made me even worse.

 

Perfect explanation!
You would tell some people how you're feeling when in this state of condition they wouldn't believe till they going through it including some other fapstronauts who are not in PAWS yet.

 

Yeah it sucks trying to rewire our brains, but it can and will happen. Seems like one year minimum for most of us severe cases. It’s better than feeling like this permanently tho. When my symptoms first started and my brain collapsed I noticed some other things as well. It seems my body went into a weird state of shock as far as healing goes too. I was kneeling on some rocks re digging my desert tortoise cave and bruised my knee pretty good. Well it still hurts really bad and a normal size zit took 5x longer to heal then normal. It seems like the healing process slows when your body is stressed, wich sucks when I’m trying to heal my stupid brain. And yeah y’all caffeine is definitely your enemy of sleep is our friend. I’d take sleepy at work over anxiety and choppy sleep and stressed out healing. I was 2 cups and a redbull a day and quit. Way more peaceful. But yeah sleepy and brain fog sucks. Idk. There’s really no smooth road to fix us. And yeah 12 months if your lucky. Idk why, but sunglasses in public seem to help me, even tho I look like an 80’s glam rocker. God bless