Today I am reinforcing this goal in writing because I'm feeling tempted and challenged: Finish the 100-day Spartan Challenge, via hard mode, which for me means no PMO, no sex, no chasing women. Lately I've been tempted to the use the Internet to chase women and reconnect with women I had sexual flings with. Also, I'm struggling at work and I am worried about my finances; I'm 4 days divorced and I am feeling sad, guilty, and depressed about it; I'm feeling the re-emergence of my libido and I'm constantly embracing memories from past "sexual conquests." At some point in the past 50 days I have thought to some extent about succumbing to temptations and/or avoiding challenges by chasing women, reverting to alcohol, marijuana, alprazolam, porn, and p-subs. But today, with God's help, and with support from friends and family, I am able to resist these temptations and face my challenges head on. I am amazed that I've pursued and accomplished more goals in the past 50 days than I did in the past 10 years! I know my priorities, and I have goals, and I am taking the necessary steps to see them through. This means that I intend to finish the 100-day Spartan Challenge, via hard mode: no porn, no masturbation, no chasing women, and no casual sex. I will not pursue a relationship. No marijuana. I will continue tapering myself off of alprazolam, and I will be done with taking alprazolam, for life, by February 19, 2020 (my 49th birthday). A few drinks on Friday nights is OK, but it stops there. Finishing the 100-Day Spartan Challenge, hard mode, may be my toughest challenge yet, but I accept the challenge, and I intend to see it through. Have a great weekend Spartans!
Excellent! I’m inspired by your conviction to personal growth. Very happy to see you going into hard mode to finish strong!
Check In - Day 70 Hello Spartans, wow. Here I am. Just thirty days away from completing this challenge. I honestly can say I have come farther than I imagined was possible for me. And my internal life has changed more than I ever dreamed possible. And my external life is changing too. The last week was very challenging. A lot of urges. And a lot of frustrations in my life. I wanted things to be different. And I can see now looking back that the urges were my old habits, my old way of escaping and running away with PMO instead of confronting and dealing with life. And I am so glad I had you all to help me stay strong. The past few days I have had this incredible feeling of freedom. People and situations don’t bother me as much. I’ve been talking with people in public with ease. I don’t feel social anxiety hardly at all. I don’t feel the need to please people or avoid making them uncomfortable. It’s a freedom I don’t remember having in a long time. Maybe ever. Thank you all for your support and encouragement. Have a wonderful weekend!
Porn is screwing up my brain, that gives me PIED when I am with a real girl... Fapping make me go back to porn, either by imagine porn scenes or by watching it. That's why I don't want to fap, at least the time porn scenes get out of my head. Check in day 2