I'm not living the way that I want to be, I want to be so much better. Currently I am at home depressed not doing very much, while trying to quit pmo. But theres so much more else that I have to improve on. I have trouble controlling my daily habits like what I eat and just keeping busy throughout the day. I have made some improvements like making a meditation habit, a jogging routine, and cleaning up my diet to be a lot better than what it was. I also have a porn blocker on my phone and only one of my friends can approve me to watch it now. I'm also going to a Vipassana meditation retreat in January and I have to be in the best state of mind as possible for that because it will be really difficult. It's basically a monastic boot camp. No technology, you're served 3 meals a day, no talking or looking at people, absolute silence, and meditate as much as possible for 10 days. It's pretty much emergency brain surgery for me. My main issues right now is lack of self control with sugar and youtube, listening to and believing my self hating thoughts and feelings, and being very unproductive. I have made a lot of progress with myself in the past couple of years but I still have a far way to go. I think I'm only going to make any momentum forward by trying to be more compassionate with myself, not so hard on myself, and doing what I really can instead of beating myself up so that I don't even start. I need to get rid of other bad habits besides pmo such as too much technology use, unhealthy eating, being unproductive and believing my self hating thoughts.
Keep going Brethren!!!! Take it day by day. Try to make small incremental improvements and turn those improvements into habits. That's where the real growth happens Brethren. There's beauty in the struggle.
