P.A.W.S. - what are they, cure, duration

Fortunately i don't smoke and throughout my reboot i have limited myself to 1 cup of instant coffee in the mornings, i have also tried cutting out caffeing completely for a months or two. I am 100% sure that i used PMO to mask the stress i was getting from video games, which was the only source of stress in my life (took me a long time to figue out why when my life was pretty much perfect). I taught myself that the only way to handle stress from other areas of my life was to PMO, so it would become a once a day habit after work. In regards to my decline, that is my whole story. I have no psychological problems outside the symptoms i am suffering from. I know this because i have spent a LOT of time alone, self reflecting and thinking.

I have tried leaving this forum multiple times and i have tried to forget this whole process multiple times and unfortunately nothing changes. It is an unfortunate fact that we feel terrible and know the cause, hence why its hard to not be thinking about it all the time. I barely post on here anymore, the only thread i check on now is this one to see how others are going. My journal is pretty much finished as i have nothing new to add until recovery progresses.

I agree you can get caught out constantly thinking about recovery in endless cycles. I know myself enough now that whether or not im thinking about recovery, that i still feel the same.

You are right that i did completely change my mind on PAWS a while back. Ive gone back and forth on this topic and tbh i dont care for the topic anymore. My focus now is just getting to where i want to be in the future.

Regardless of what im doing, if im making poor life decisions or good ones, my recovery seems to be the same. Things continue to improve month to month, though painfully slow. I rarely get days now where i cannot get out of bed due to depression and i sleep a LOT better.

I am truly happy that you are symptom free however. Doesnt matter what the cause we have all been through a bitch of a time with all this.

 

[QUOTE="winningover, post: 2564116, member: 369957"

I have discussed the case of an Indian guy who I am in touch with recovering in 650 days. He shared the same thing that he tried to speed up recovery with different things for 7-8 months but it didn't much for him. The only thing he says that helped is TIME. Time away from porn, any sexual stimulating stuff, masturbation, and orgasm. He did hard mode and has now recovered completely. So basically we all need time to heal. I think if we stay away from all kinds of sexual stimulation in that time, that may help speed up recovery.[/QUOTE]

Yes i have seen this post a while ago. 650 Days is a long time and its crazy that if he tried to speed up recovery by doing all the right things that he didn't recover faster. I have been on hard mode also and have zero slips ups or anything. I will still change TV shows if there could be a chance at seeing something triggering and that goes for everything else.

The last thing i could possibly try would be anti-depressants, which i am extremely hesitant to do so because i just hate the idea.

You are a full 100 days in front of me in terms of recovery. How are you going?

 

That is certainly encouraging. When i get morning wood i tend to feel better mentally during the day aswell. It is a sign that your brain is healing.

 

Not so fast.
"3. Serotonin and noradrenaline reuptake inhibitors (SNRI)2; selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI)34 – Persistent sexual dysfunction after drug withdrawal (EPITT no 19277)Summary of product characteristics4.4. Special warnings and precautions for useSexual dysfunction Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)/serotonin norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) may cause symptoms of sexual dysfunction (see section 4.8). There have been reports of long-lasting sexual dysfunction where the symptoms have continued despite discontinuation of SSRIs/SNRI"

https://www.ema.europa.eu/en/docume...ns-signals-adopted-13-16-may-2019-prac_en.pdf

 

You are right to be hesitant, please don't go down that path. It's just too early at 290 days to lose hope, moreover, they are not going to do anything for you except side effects or perhaps maybe a temporary short relief switching from one addiction to another. I am not saying that 290 days is not a streak long enough, the shit kills me every day and I know how all of us count each passing day and hour preciously to add to our streaks. You just need to hold on a bit longer.

I am better than from where I started. I have recovered from PIED and my PAWS are improving veryyyy slowly. I am finding more and more ppl reporting recoveries in 18-24 months mark. Don is one example here and I am in touch with 2 other guys who reported the change in the same time period. Another thing I feel is that the recovery from PAWS is very very slow which makes it difficult to realize the difference from day to day. I think we all should compare our current situation with how we were about six months ago to really gauge if we are getting better or not. If I compare myself from about 6 months ago: My PIED is gone, my twitching is gone. I developed very severe twitching on different areas of face due to extreme stress and anxiety from reboot which is gone now. My head pressure is much better. My eye contact is much better. Not perfect, I still cannot maintain eye contact while speaking but at least I can maintain eye contact while someone else is talking and can maintain eye contact for a while when I am speaking. This was not possible 6 months ago. My heartbeat is better than before. It is still all over the place due to unknown anxiety but it is better from how it was. My social anxiety perhaps is the only thing where I am yet to see any solid improvement. And yes, my sleep is almost perfect now as well no matter how much of a shit stress and anxiety day I had.

I am not doing any other thing to "speed up" my recovery. Just trying to put shitload of time between me and last time I watched porn in all ways possible. I am hiding inside my house due to corona counting my days and loading them up in my streak. It gives me space to not face social anxiety as well for now. Work for home has been a blessing as well. I didn't have any other addiction except maybe spending way too much time on internet. I have cut down all social media, movies/shows, anything that can potentially take me closer to a relapse or give me slow dopamine rush. Besides that, I don't have any motivation to exercise daily. I fasted for a whole month and I don't know if it will reap any benefits. O yes, my wife is also pregnant so I am looking forward to having my first child soon. I could not even impregnate my wife due to this FUKING PORN CRAP. Porn almost took away my life dude.

Anyways, this is going somewhere else. I am just saying that no matter how much our PAWS are killing us, the recovery is sadly very slow and I am sure that you will see improvements in upcoming 6 months. And yes antidepressants are more like anti-testosterone

 

Hey man, maybe you could try to get these two other guys to also post in this thread about their experiences?

Good to see you still keeping up the streak mate

 

No one can be sure of their recovery time as you can read throughout this thread. Some of us who started this journey several years ago never would have expected to still be here suffering with symptoms. However every person is different and recovery times vary greatly. But nevertheless you will recover eventually even though it may not feel like it at times.

I’m a long way off normal now, but if I compared myself to how I felt at the beginning 2 years ago I’m a lot better and the anhedonia and depression is much more manageable.

Even if you don’t consider yourself an addict, removing porn from your life is very good thing in my view.

 

thank you. I guess I will just see how time pans out.

ive never watched porn. But have used orgasm as a anti depressant almost. It’s like a pleasant itch that I keep scratching. At time’s when I was younger up To 4 times a day. For years I’ve masturbated without election, just to get orgasm. I also had lots of forced sex with pills. I was like a pornstar but it was all artificial. Didn’t even enjoy it I just wanted the orgasm and ego boost. Now pills doesn’t work.

guess my past is different to many as doesn’t include porn. So I’m unsure if Nofap will help me. But I guess I can only try.

but how I feel at day 53, I think I’d rather go back to regular orgasm and living a half life if this is going to last 2 years. I can’t function.

 

So no porn,and no fetishes thanks to porn? I know at the moment you feel badly, but trust me you a lucky one. You will still face withdrawals, but you have very good chance to be over most of the symptoms less in 1 year, or even less. That my bet only. Treat with grain of salt.

 

You certainly articulate yourself in such a manner that is worthy of praise, Don!

Much better than I have and what I've been trying to put in words!

 

I totally agree with your point and you are very well articulated, especially with your examples.

I have truly tried this approach of just getting on with other areas of life. I have pushed myself to do things through fatigue and social anxiety etc. The one thing that seems to be consistent is that my good and bad days continue to be the same no matter what i do. I have noticed one interesting piece of information however and that is when i have those rarer good days, i seem to think about this whole recovery process little or not at all. Its only when im feeling particularly bad or depressed that i tend to ruminate on recovery. I guess part of that now is me being frustrated with recovery at this point

 

I dont think i will ever try anti-depressants unless it is my last option. As you said the negatives are way to risky and i dont want to mess with my recovery.

I agree that 10 months isnt long enough yet, though at this point im not talking about my 10 months enduring these symptoms, i am talking about a few years before nofap where these symptoms started and gradually got worse, then i found out nofap and they got even worse, which brings me to the point im at now where i have never got rid of them. Thats 4 years of recovery plus 3 years before nofap that ive had these symptoms in varying degrees. Yes this is all caused from pmo.

I want to be clear that i haven’t lost hope, just at a certain point you get beaten down and things just become exhausting. I havnt seen that many cases with symptoms for that long, so it makes sense to my that my recovery may take even longer than 24 months. It is what it is i guess i just have to take what ever comes.

thank you for your advice and congrats on successfully having a baby, thats fantastic!

 

Just to add my two-penneth:

I am haunted by stories about alcoholics who recover - like aging rockstars who stay sober for 20 years, then mess it all up with a massive bender. I knew a guy who was told that if he ever binged on alcohol again that he would die. He managed a year sober, and seemed to be very slowly rebuilding his life, then one day out of nowhere he cracked, and he died. Mid 40's.

It may be that I need to develop, and maintain, a very defensive "guard always up" mindset and approach to life in respect of PMO, because it is taking everything I've got just to achieve escape velocity. At the moment I just have to focus on recovery. However, it is good to be forewarned that recovery brings it's own challenges. For fans of the Sopranos there is the story of Christopher Moltisanti, who eventually kicks his drink and drug habits, but ends up utterly miserable in his new sober life, because he fails to adjust once he has recovered. At the moment I just want to kick the habit. Hell, I need to.

 

Well by the sounds of it you’re suffering badly from ED so hardcore mode is the only option for you if you want to achieve erections again. It will take time but definitely worth it for sure!
Excessive masturbation is similar to watching porn in many ways as it still releases dopamine and messes with your brain if you’re fantasising, so that’s why you’re experiencing Anhedonia and depression because your brain is now deprived from the regular dopamine hit it has been getting.
You can do it, and you will feel a lot better for removing these negative behaviours from your life.

 

Dizzy head pressure and debilitating fatigue today. Bedridden. Everyday is different in symptoms but Almost always bedridden with no interest in anything. Today is my longest streak at Day 54.

coffee gives a lift, seems to be the only thing that gives me the dopamine other than sex. In the past coffee over a few days gets me into trouble though.

 

thanks for taking the time to reply. I will have to comment on my life after my transition period when that eventually comes and whether or not i can continue to put the blame on PMO. I would like to find out if i am truly holding myself back after a certain point. 2 years seems to be what im thinking as well but at this stage i know not to place an exact time. I could care less about milestones as they mean nothing to me (so no relapsing after a milestone!).

You talk about a fear after stepping out of recovery, though i have never experienced this as of yet, maybe its something that comes after recovery. On my good days i seem to naturally gravitate towards all the things i should be doing and get motivated to do so. Mentally im fkn ready to start getting after life. I have a pretty precise picture of how i want my life. I mean when i was in one of the lowest periods of my life i started my business which has been pretty successful so far. Given all the shit i was and still am going through it seems unbelievable to me that i was able to do that.

anyways i have work soon so i have to get going, though i will think on your advice.

cheers don

 

Day 92. Relieved to say that I finally made it past the 90 day mark. However, the urges have increased lately. I made the mistake of checking girls' pics on social media a few days ago. Nothing sexual, but those images still seem to make me mildly aroused. I know it's not good for my brain because now I find myself having porn flashbacks again. One little trigger can lead to a relapse so it's best to avoid any arousing content alltogether. I also made the mistake of consuming caffeine again although I know I can't tolerate it as well anymore. I drank a 600ml bottle of mountain dew and I felt anxious in my stomach for the next few hours. For the last few weeks my only source of caffeine had been chocolate milk in the mornings and I think that should be more than enough. Coffee and sodas make me feel sick.

 

The main withdrawal symptom that most people do not mention is sleep deprivation. Do any of you guys actually experience this problem? For me, this is the worst symptom I experience by far. I can fall asleep easily but I keep having nightmares and erotic dreams that keep waking me up every 1 or 2 hours. This makes it impossible to get some quality sleep and I always wake up feeling worse than when I went to bed. I believe that this could be the main cause of my extreme fatigue and brain fog during the day. Sometimes I worry that I may have some serious illness unrelated to pmo, but drug and alcohol addicts also seem to experience severe sleep disturbances during withdrawals. Maybe I'm just one of the most fucked up cases on this site.

 

Has any of you actually recovered from anhedonia caused by PAWS? Ever since the healing process began i haven't been able to fall in love, truly feel things, laugh, cry, etc. Its horrible and i have had many 3 month streaks and a 10 month streak and it hasn't improved. Only very rarely on a "good" day i see progress.

 

Yeah, sleep has been a massive issue for me. I tried to kill myself in my 20's because my insomnia was so bad - although that was over a decade before I started to make the connection between PMO and bad sleep - I just thought I was just naturally "over-sensitive" to noise. The truth is I haven't had a long enough streak to really see how well I can sleep. I've been taking medication for over 10 years because of it. There is a noticeable difference in quality of sleep, even with medication, between the bad periods of recovery from PMO, vs the better periods. It has been my single biggest motivation to quit, and yet here I am...