Is this possible? I’m so and wondering

It is entirely possible he's been sober. It's also entirely possible he's lying.

Is he being honest is other parts of his life and your relationship? Do you have an instinct or feeling he's being untruthful? Is he doing any recovery work other than just trying to abstain from pornography? Does he have an accountability partner either in real life or online? Is he seeing a therapist? Is he open to show you his browser history or emails or phone in general? Is he defensive if you asked him? Are you seeing old patterns?

 

This! Everything Trobone said. A perfect reply.

 

Not going to confort you and tell you what you want to hear. This is my objective opinion.

Yes, there are guys and girls that achieved 7 months clean. How many of them? I guess less than 2% of the people that tryed.

You are rigth. And most people slip in the road a lot of times and never reach the 90 days mark, 210 days is a BIG number that less than 1% of people reach.

Why? i have close friends that are in your same position and they resumed the bedroom activities after their child turn 1 month old.

Never trust a lier... that's on you. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" you are speaking about many times so is not his fault at this point, is yours for still beliving him.

Yes, but in my opinion he is probably lying.

 

Not a very helpful comment to a woman who is suffering from the anxiety she is suffering from. It is not fr you to judge if 1 month or 12 is OK for a woman to have her birth canal entered again.

 

Most doctors say 6 weeks minimum anyways.

 

It is perfectly possible. And, it is perfectly understandable that you can't trust him due to him lying about PMO in the past.

I think talking to him and trusting your instinct as to whether he's lying or not is one of your best moves.

Also, has he given you any signs of hiding this PMO problem again? Has he given you signs of doing things differently during these 7 months?

Just try to keep communication open and without a lot of feelings during conversations, I think that's the healthiest way to communicate.

 

Does he have filters and Accountability software on all of his devices? For me and many others, when I am “using” all of my flaws are exaggerated. I’m less patient, more depressed, more lazy, more self-centered.

These might be signs he is not well. If he is hiding it he likely doesn’t want to hurt you and thinks that he might be able to get through this addiction by himself. What I now realize is that I will always be addicted and I must always seek help and seek to help others going through this. This is something many men struggle with, particularly now with P being so easily accessible and free. That doesn’t justify it at all of course. It’s simply harder to pass the test of manhood now.

 

And the reason for this is because there is a giant wound where the placenta was. Having sex before this risks serious infection. Having sex after this is ok, but it still takes a long time for it to be comfortable - things like tears, hormone differences from breastfeeding, normal return to hormones, etc. can make things wonky for quite some time. In general things won't feel "normal" until closer to 6 months to a year.

 

4 months.. that's 17 weeks.

She is more than ready if they want to do it. Besides that you can be really intimate with your partner without reaching the point of intercourse.

I asked why because I guess they are not beeing intimate because they are tired taking care of the baby and the desire is not there, not because she is uncapable of doing it. If he is lying about pmo, maybe he has no desire to be with her because he is taking care of that with porn.

 

If a woman tears down there, even if they are ready from a health perspective, there can be significant pain for a long time. I’ve had 4 kids and all were tears.

 

I'm sorry have you ever had a vagina that tore? Or for that matter possibly having labia or a perineum that tore? Have you ever breastfed a baby and then realize the hormones involved are making your vagina drier than a desert so that when you have sex it burns all the next day? Or have you ever had pelvic floor damage making things either too loose or too tight and then it hurts? 6 weeks is when it is medically safe enough to not risk a serious uterine infection. It is not an indicator that everything down there is ready enough to resume comfortable, pleasurable sex. I've had 4 babies - 3 with a dr, 1 with a midwife. Only the midwife took the time to assess if everything had healed well and talked about how I may or not be ready physically yet.

 

Yeap, that all sound reasonable to not have sex and you bougth all that crap. But woman are not logical. Woman are emotional and if she desire you, she is going to want you naked in her bed and rock your world, it doesn't matter she is not ready or it could be unconfortable the next day, if she desire you she is going to have you, she is going to find the way to make it happend. As I said before, you can be intimate all nigth long without penetration.
So.. if a woman make up excuses for not been intimate with you is because she don't want to be intimate with you, she is not feeling it and have nothing to do with not been ready.

 

yes I have an uncle who stopped smoking after 40 years. Finished his last cigarette and hasn't looked back for several years now. Doctor said it would kill him if he continued, so good motivation, but still a very hard thing to do.

Thing is, talk to him, tell him you do not trust him. If you are not honest, how can you expect him to be?

 

hope4healing has nailed it down.

Look at your counter, you are still in a porn mentality. 12 days is not long enough for you to be thinking clearly enough to understand this. It is a great start, but it is not enough to reason the complexities of what women want. Erase what porn women want from your brain. Real women want authenticity, connection, intimacy, emotions, realness, honesty AND sex. Many of us would forgo sex if we don't have the rest of that list. Sadly most have us have been tricked to think we did.

Desire has nothing to do with it. I desired my husband, laid in bed sad, after putting our babies to sleep, wishing he would come be with me, sad that I had been so stressed from a day of mothering from the day. In bed, in the quiet, I finally could find a little bit of myself to give to him. I laid there sad. You know what he did? He came upstairs after doing some chores, went int he bathroom, selected whatever perfect woman made him excited, had his way in fantasy with her, and went down the hall and went to bed. Did he come say goodnight? Nope. Did he come to me? Nope. I laid there sad and hurting and mothered our children through the night, only to see him again after the next day of work.

Desire has nothing, nothing to do with it.

We can be in a place desiring it all and it still doesn't happen. We might be in a postpartum body, a menopausal body, or a betrayal trauma body, and our desire might not line up with what our bodies can do.

You have got to snap out of the mentality that women's bodies are objects for pleasure alone. We. Are. Not.

 

You can deny it all you want. You can choose to avoid reality but you cannot avoid the concecuences of avoiding reality. Keep doing what you are doing and you are goint to be as miserable as you are today. Succesfull people take action when something is not going their way, unsuccesfull people hope for something magically changes for the better someday, they settle for something that is less than what they want. Instead of taking action to change things, they only protest about it but do nothing to change it.
I'm here just to wake you up and maybe encorage you to DO something for you, is your life after all choose your own path and face the consecuences of your actions. Good luck!

 

The answer to your question is: Yes, it is possible.

My wife left me over 8 months ago and was unable to return on account of COVID-related travel restrictions. I could have just masturbated in her absence, but, feeling this was the wrong thing to do, chose to break the sexual addiction cycle to which I was accustomed. For the first time ever in decades of marriage, I went entirely orgasm-free for over half a year. In fact, having "discovered myself" well before marriage, this was the first time I had gone such a long time since my teenage years--over half a lifetime ago. Was it easy? Certainly not. I went through all sorts of withdrawal symptoms. My emotions fluctuated wildly, with more emphasis on the depressed/lonely side of the spectrum. I learned I could cry again (I hadn't been able to cry for sadness or pain virtually ever since reaching adulthood, even though I had wished for the emotional relief that crying brings). I experienced insomnia, irregular hours for eating and sleeping, brain fog, almost constant epididymal hypertension ("blue balls") for days at a time, and many other symptoms, including weight loss (but I was deprived of my wife's company and good cooking, so this may not have been a direct result of semen retention). Women began appearing twice or even three times more attractive than I remembered them being beforehand.

If your husband is truly going "hard mode" (no orgasms), it would seem unusual if he does not have at least some of these symptoms. My guess is that you would have noticed some changes in him--perhaps more irritability, or changes to his eating habits.

For me, in order to keep from being tempted more strongly, I had to cut out hormone-containing animal products from my diet, as well as spices that would increase my sexual appetites considerably. I went out and exercised, walking about 12 kilometers at least once a week. It was a difficult time for me, and I would not like to go through it again.

I hope, for your sake, that your husband has spoken truthfully to you.

 

Success does not mean caving to the orgasm, caving to porn. Success on *this forum*, for most here, means replacing what is fake, replacing what is empty, replacing what is not what we were intended for, with what is real. What is true. What is fulfilling on a lasting level that connects us to other people. I'm not sure whether I'm going to be strong enough to endure the pain that porn has caused into my life due to my husband's terrible choices. But I do see that he has been clean, completely clean of pmo and mo, for more than 16 months without a single relapse. I see that he is changing. I see that all of a sudden he is able to endure really hard feelings (because my meltdowns and sobbing are not easy for him) because he is finally choosing authentic, intimate connection. All of us here on a path to healing, be it those with addiction or significant others, are choosing to endure some hardship because what is on the other side is so much better than a cheap, empty hit.