Today in an interview i got rejected, I had very strong feelings to fap, whenever i failed same feeling come ...but when i thought of my counter that again i have to reset it to 0 my feelings started to conflict eachother (fap or nofap) for now i am not doing it..im trying hard to stay strong... DAY 202
Well said brother,well said ! The learning process started from initial information you received while being ignorant to the complete knowledge and understanding of the subject and getting into the knowing, takes time and multiple efforts to collect,test and assimilate the knowledge. Ahy breaks in this process tend to throw you back in your progress by the simple quality of human nature-'Out of sight out of mind'. So that when you are in the constant communication with the like minded people(as we have here,well at least in regards to PMO),your understanding and learning process is supported in many ways-like public accountability and being able to receive feedback on your experience as well as encouragement of the brotherhood, new ways and theories and how we can apply them to deepen our knowledge,understanding and practically apply it as well, and as a good practice in proving your point of view on PMO to other people by sharing your knowledge of the benefits available to those who managed to cut it out of their lives.
Those feelings came out of your self identification. On somebody's rejection you assumed yourself being a failure and tried to punish yourself by PMOing, but your accumulated knowledge and experience kicked in and stopped you. Honestly if you done the best you could, prepared well it's not up to you to decide on the outcome of the future events-It's up to God's will. Our Muslim brothers have a good saying when it comes to speaking about future events-they finish their sentences with- 'Inshallah' which means I will do my best to carry out my plan and fulfill my promise if God is willing for it to happen. Never feel failure or be despaired if you failed in something if you have done everything what was up to you.
Day 37 Annoyed that I spent some time fishing yesterday, only to stop after a few mins feeling sickened at my actions - despite being an unfortunate episode I recognise that I have made progress, as I previously would not have bothered to listen to my anti-PMO thoughts and would have ended up relapsing! I had a great conversation with my girlfriend yesterday; we spent some time talking about our relationship and where we see ourselves in years to come, and it reaffirmed my desire to abstain so that I can build something incredible with her.
Day 61. I have decided to start learning a language which I am really excited about. I find that I have so much energy to put towards things that I have been putting off for so long. Onward and upward
Day 50 in progress! Had a great and productive week in which I couldn't find the time to check-in, but I'm still going strong! Hope everyone's having a good weekend!
Day 17. I’m Being more self-secure and challenging with myself. Saint Fidelis of Sigmaringen Pray for Us
yes, that´s what i´m afraid of. the determination of "being free" may not be enough in the long run. because life is totally unpredictable. i may know that pmo is not pleasure, that pmo is drug addiction and doesn´t fill anything, but i still can collapse: in a bad day, in a weak moment, etc etc. and that is what easy_peasy understimates, the power of the addiction - "the little monster". it uses all credits on the brainwashing - the big monster - and understimates the installed addiction. that´s why i feel brothers should extract all the gold from easy_peasy, but don´t put aside the other proven tecniques - "tips", because in the long run, they make all the difference.
you found yourself a trigger bro . try to learn techniques to cope with hurt and shame, meditation helps a lot on that. rejections are part of life, is up to us to learn new ways to cope with them. pmo is, naturally, not a good way . Improve my brother and carry on. You´re doing great.
Check in Fellowship The easy_peasy reflection got a lot of feedback from the Brotherhood which i´m glad about it . The power of the group once again proven . althought it might have some flaws i will continue to post the book here, so that people can get inspired and extract good information from it. just don´t make into a rigid method, add what resonates, but keep using all the other stuff that works for you The following brothers have upgraded and reach places in Middle Earth. Congratulations!!! @kingsmokepoof - Anduin River / Wilderland @UpInSmokeTour - Dwarf / Moria Have a great day brave Fellowship!!! . A good week for you all easy_peasy. "Chapter 8 Saving Time Usually when users try stopping, the main reasons given are health, religion and partner stigma. Part of the brainwashing of this awful drug is the sheer slavery of it, man has fought hard to abolish slavery in many parts of the world – yet the user spends life suffering self-imposed slavery. They’re oblivious to the fact that when they’re allowed to use porn they wish they were a non-user. The only time that porn becomes precious is when we’re ’trying’ to cut down or abstain, or when abstinence is forced on us. It cannot be repeated often enough that brainwashing makes it difficult to stop porn, the more we dispel before we start, the easier you’ll find it to achieve your goal. Confirmed users, who don’t believe that porn has any negative effect on their health (porn induced erectile dysfunction, hypofrontality, etc.) and aren’t having a mental tug of war are typically younger or single with an occasional sex partner. Thus, the internal feedback is lost due to the nature of their youth or is too infrequent to be observed and registered. A better argument for a younger user is the time spent, rather saying “I can’t believe you aren’t worried about the time you are spending.” Generally their eyes light up, feeling disadvantaged if attacked on health grounds or social stigma, but on time. . . “Oh, I can afford it. It’s only x hours per week and I think it’s worth it, it’s my only vice of pleasure.” “I still can’t believe you’re not worried. Let’s assume a half hour daily average which includes the physical drain of dopamine withdrawals, you’re spending approximately a full working day every fortnight. I’m sure you’d agree that half an hour a day is a very conservative estimate. Have you thought about how much time you’ll spend in your lifetime? What are you doing in that time? Developing real relationships? No, your favorite porn star doesn’t have sympathy for you, just because you spent so much time on their videos – you’re throwing time away! Not only that, you’re actually using that time to ruin your physical health, destroying your nerves and confidence in order to suffer a lifetime of slavery, pain, melancholy and peevishness. Surely that must worry you, right?” It’s apparent at this point – especially with younger users – that they’ve never considered it a lifetime addiction. Occasionally, they work out the time they waste in a week and that’s alarming enough. Very occasionally, and only when they think of stopping, they’ll estimate what they spend in a year which is frightening – but over a lifetime is unthinkable. However, because we’re in an argument the confirmed user will impulsively say, “I can afford it, it’s only so much a week”, pulling an encyclopedia salesman routine on themselves. Would you refuse a job offer which pays your current annual salary and also gives you a month off every year? Any user would sign in a heartbeat and would get busy finding holiday deals to exotic locations. Figuring out how to spend a full month with no work would be the biggest problem to solve. In every discussion with a confirmed user (and please bear in mind that’s not someone like yourself who plans to stop) nobody has ever taken me up on that offer. Why not? Often at this point, a confirmed user will say, “Look, I’m not really worried about the money aspect.” If you’re thinking along those lines ask yourself why you aren’t worried. Why in other aspects of your life will you go to great deals of trouble to save a few dollars here and there, but spend thousands killing your happiness and hanging the expense? Every other decision you make in your life will be the result of an analytical process of weighing up advantages and disadvantages to arrive at a rational decision. It may be the wrong decision, but it’ll be the result of rational deduction. Whenever any user weighs up the pros and cons of using internet porn, the answer is a dozen times over, “STOP USING! YOU’RE A MUG!” Therefore, all users are using not because they want or decide to, but because they can’t stop. They have to use porn, and so brainwash themselves, keeping their heads in the sand. Confirmed users should keep in mind that the situation will only get exponentially worse, with more studies coming out and more people talking about the ill effects of internet porn. Today, it’s non-medical people discussing the effects, tomorrow it’ll be on your doctor’s list of diagnostic tests. Gone are the days where the user can hide ’downtime’ behind work stress in their sex life, your partner is going to ask why you’re on your laptop late at night. The poor user – already feeling wretched – now wants the ground to open up and swallow them. The strange thing is that many people would pay good money for gym memberships and personal trainers to build muscles and look sculpted, many in their imaginary (and real) desperation turning to treatments such as boosting testosterone with dubious and dangerous side effects. Yet there are many people in this group who would benefit from stopping a practice systematically destroying their brain’s natural relaxation systems. This is because they’re still thinking with the brainwashed mind of the user. Wipe the sand out of your eyes for a moment. Internet porn is a chain reaction and a chain for life, and if you don’t break that chain you’ll remain a user for the rest of your life. Estimate how much time you think you’ll spend on porn for the remainder of your existence, obviously the amount will vary from person to person, but let’s assume it’s a year and a half of work hours. Imagine if there was a cheque from the lottery for a year and a half of your salary lying on your carpet tomorrow? You’d be dancing with delight, so start dancing! You’re about to start receiving those benefits! If you think this is a tricky way of seeing it, you’re still kidding yourself. Work out how much time you would have saved if you’d never taken your first peek right at the very start. Shortly, you’ll be making the decision to use your final session (not yet, please remember the instructions!), remaining a non-user by not falling for the trap again. All you have to do to remain a non-user is not using porn and avoiding ’just one peek’. Remember if you do, it’ll cost you whatever you estimated your salary gain will be. If you’re mentoring someone for their porn addiction, tell them they know someone who’s refused a job offer that pays their current annual salary and also gives them a full month’s worth of paid time off. When asked who that idiot is tell them, “You!” It’s rude, but sometimes you need to get the point across in a less than polite way."
Day 24, A fine burst of urges today and some moodiness. Keeping myself active with piano and homework. Will be with friends for the super bowl and rather than pushing hard on homework through the entire day I'll take intermittent breaks to watch the game and mingle a bit. Have a working plan to implement to keep myself from fishing. One more day in the weekend Fellowship! Stay strong!
I have had time to think the last few days. I am rejoining nofap for two purposes, and likely staying forever. I am no longer threatened by this false sense of attraction caused by my HOCD, so it naturally went down with time, but there is another issue I simply want to just be done with. My brain is still conditioned to react to it. It isn't bad or good, it is just there. I don't really want it, it feels weird. I am sure a few months of PMO ought to fix that right up. The other reason is improving myself again, primarily on a physical level. Even if the testosterone boost isn't actually real from semen retention I get a really good boost in motivation and energy when I abstain. It is a win both ways. I am resetting my counter to reflect a mental reset of me becoming a new person no longer bound by PMO, even if I am doing fine with it. Day 1 and on my way
a wizard is never late nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to! I have made it! It is day 90 and I am doing a celebratory youtube stream if you want to join in like 10 minutes!!! I had a small second of hesitation today before working out, But now I'm alright and Kicking!