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I will be freedom person

 

Day 79 - Sennin Mode

 

7 days clean and the grudge girl hasn't come through the tv screen to brutally murder me. I expect the weekend to end well.

 

Day 6

I had a lot of urges today, a lot of which had me very very close to relapsing. I was procrastinating really badly today so I'm convinced that all of the idle time I had today was the reason I had so many strong urges. I literally didn't do any of my usual daily routine stuff until like 2pm (I woke up at 9am for context) and so I just told myself to get up and I went out on a walk to my local park and did my Japanese flashcards while I sat by a lake which was super super peaceful and bliss. But, the moment I got home I had urges again. I worked out because I was really struggling to just sit with these urges today, the urges were sort of going away but they lingered a bit for the entire work out. Luckily, my Mum came into the room and so I talk to her for a bit (not about the urges, just general conversation) which made the urge go away completely. I then showered which was really nice, but again the urge came back, I got really close to relapsing again but I watched some YouTube videos to distract me which, again, helped but the urge came back and, again, I nearly relapsed but I decided to go downstairs and I studied in the living room so I wasn't just sat on my own in my room. I then played a little of a new game I bought recently on Steam for the rest of the night.
I just need to actually do my routine instead of vegging out on YouTube and stuff. If I keep consistent in my activities my urges become very manageable.

 

Day 17 check-in. I'm living the longest streak of my life

 

502 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 80 - Sennin Mode

 

Day 18 check-in

 

day 2 check in

 

Day 7

Very nice day today. I woke up at 9am, watched some Japanese videos for listening practice and watched some more of Dr. K's guide. I went out on the same walk as I did yesterday at 11am which was absolutely blissful. I also did my flashcards whilst I was out. I came back home, meditated, played some games with my friends, played a bit of FF14 since there's a limited time event going on right now and then finished the work that I missed from yesterday.
I'm not sure if I'm just over analysing but I think I've started to become a more irritable as a withdrawal symptom, I was getting super frustrated whilst I was playing FF14 because I couldn't figure out where I was meant to go for a quest. It was super out of the blue and in sort of a self aware manner I was kind of confused at myself as to why I was getting so upset over such a tiny thing.

I didn't have any notable urges today which I think proves my assumption from yesterday about how I had so many urges because I was having a lot of idle time and wasn't sticking to my routine.

 

Day 8
Didn't relapse, felt urges throughout the day but nothing dangerous, anticipating issues throughout the week.

I need to watch out for random sources of high stress and prepare for the weekend again. The first month is definitely the hardest and vigilance is always necessary.

 

503 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 81 - Sennin Mode

 

Day 8 - Relapsed - Back to Day 0

I somehow accidentally figured out how to bypass my phones blocker which gave me the biggest urge ever. I think not relying on my blocker in the future as a mental barrier will be beneficial but at the moment I'm just really upset with myself.

For some reason this relapse in particular has made me really scared if I'll ever actually escape this addiction. I mean sure I've had many many life improvements this year outside of my addiction since discovering my addiction. But in terms of actually how much I'm improving with my addiction, I'm not really improving at all. I keep thinking I've figured it out and this streak will be different because of this or that but my longest streak was 9 days and that was back in fucking February, I've been trying for nearly a year now and that's genuinely fucking scary how little progress I've made in that amount of time. I'm just really scared now and I'm starting to doubt if I'll ever actually get better.

 

Day 9 so close to Genin bout to pop out that shadow clone jutsu

 

Day 19. I already feel the promotion. Let's rock the chunin exam

 

day 3, today was a bit tricky,I was put in a positions where I had to test myself and prove if am really really ready to stop this, I failed but through luck I didn't relapse

 

504 days no PMO, semen retention