I feel you. On any one day I am good. On any other day I fail. It is a matter of stringing together the right kind of days and we will succeed.
I agree with how you feel, but don't be hard on yourself. I have been very lazy since I relapsed, I'm not motivated to do anything. But yeah, this is life, ups and downs. I'm on the downside, but hopefully, I'll not stay there longer. Day 3
1/90 Finally broken the chains of the three days of consecutive relapsing. I feel so relieved. I feel happy. My energy has come roaring back after just a day free of PMO. I was so lethargic the previous day. In changing my strategy to deal with porn, I am now looking at the beliefs that are keeping me stuck in a vicious cycle of recovery-relapse. One of them is that porn is an all-conquering monster I must slay or go to war against. I think this belief is counterproductive and dangerous. This war has been raging for the past 6 plus years with no end in sight ever since I discovered YBOP. My porn addiction is more like being married to an abusive person who thrives on my fear and shame. And because I have only known this kind of relationship for 24 years I fear leaving because of the uncertainty and discomfort I will experience. But I know I can choose to let go. I will mourn and grieve this relationship for days or months and even long for it but in the end, it is better for me to leave and move on. I don't need to fight and battle to the death anymore, I am tired of fighting. This fight will never end. I choose to let go of PMO. I will stay away from this website till the end of the month so that I am not constantly thinking about battling porn addiction. Let me give myself some reprieve and focus on the things I want in life like learning kickboxing and software engineering.
