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Guilt for past fetish porn habit

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by needhelpguilt, Mar 4, 2022.

  1. needhelpguilt

    needhelpguilt New Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I am new to this forum and wasn't sure whether this thread should go here or in Problematic Sexual Behavior. Please let me know or simply move it if I chose wrong. Thanks

    When I was a kid I came across drawn porn of talking cartoon animal characters (Lion King, Balto, etc.) It was accidental at first but I guess since the characters were familiar/beloved to me and it was my first exposure to anything sexual, I soon got hooked on it for several years. Being a dumb kid, I didn't understand why perverting animal characters was wrong, although regardless I NEVER thought that way about real animals. Now I am in my early 20s and I have not watched it even a single time since I was 15, and I have no desire/urge to relapse either, but the fact I watched it in the past makes me terrified it means I'm secretly a zoophile (attracted to animals) People IRL have told me I am not, since again it never extended to real animals and I don't even like it anymore anyway, but I still can't shake the extreme guilt and shame and fear. It's kinda driving me crazy. I have been diagnosed with OCD, but they told me I shouldn't do OCD therapy right now because the therapy is mentally taxing and might worsen my depression, so for now I'm stuck on my own.

    Does anyone have words of advice or input? Or been through something similar?
     
    WildEntheology likes this.
  2. needhelpguilt

    needhelpguilt New Fapstronaut

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    This advice is immensely helpful, I will do my best to take it to heart. Thank you so much.
     
    WildEntheology likes this.

  3. Hey man, I'm here to give you some relief; you ain't some sicko. I've been through something similar. In fact, Lion King Hentai was some of my first steps into porn (which admittedly sucks). I don't even entirley remember how I found it; might have been through furry porn content, but still furry porn is human-like animals, while these were just animals. I also looked at porn wth Scooby Doo and Velma, and sexual fanfictions with Raja and and Jasmine. Its embarrassing, I know. I had the same struggle you had, and for a very long time, I was just miserable. I really though I had sinned beyond what God could tolerate. I used to find these random articles or internet facts of people who did have sex with animals, and of course it would always be the same question of "am I like that".

    That was back during puberty (I was 13ish I think? Its been far too long to remember). I am now 23 and I live free from the guilt if this. I don't for one second believe I am a zoophile. I know it sounds so basic, but you really have to accept what happened to you as part of severe drug addiction (and frankly a bad roll of the cosmic dice), forgive yourself, trust yourself, and move on.

    Hope this helps. You deserve a better life.
     

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