Unfortunately I just PMO’d, well yesterday in the morning and just right now, the past couple of days I’ve been getting pretty horny and I couldn’t take it anymore. This happens to me every time I try to get on Nofap, I will try to abstain from PMO for 2-3 days but then I start getting very horny and irritated very quickly. I do try taking cold showers, reading books, going outside the house more and going on walks also, a lot of stuff. But then I’ll start looking at girls on Social Media and I’ll also start edging and then it goes downhill after that. I literally don’t have any self-control or discipline in me, when I have access to something I will use it. When I have my phone in front of me I will start using it and keep using it and I won’t stop. Smartphones are wayyyy more addicting to me then an actual computer is. Whenever I get horny no matter what it takes, I will get my fix even no matter how hard I try to avoid feeding these urges. It also doesn’t help me that I suffer from severe loneliness and depression (though I do live with my family but I’m 25 years old turning 26 in July) I was severely bullied and insulted for years and years, both online and in real life, being used and taken advantage of, mocked and ridiculed constantly, no girls in my life or friends pretty much at all, a lot of people don’t like me or respect me at all, it’s like I’m invisible to so many people. Girls pretty much aren’t attracted to me neither do they care about me, barely very few do if any. Also my real Mom committed suicide back in 2012 when I was just 15 years old (long story but she was an alcoholic and a smoker and she used to fight with my dad a lot in the past, and eventually they got divorced when I was 12 going into 6th grade. But God I miss her so much. We were a lot like good friends more then Mother and Son, we were very close to each other. After my dad started going through with the divorce with her, just a few months later he married this completely different woman who was from a foreign country, an Arab woman in her mid 30s, she was/is still incredibly gorgeous, a literal Milf with a beautiful body, and she became my Step Mother, but I feel like she was really the one who caused my PMO addiction to blow up. She was also abusive towards me many times in the past after she married my father.) I’m not the best at working out no matter how much I try (I have a lot of physical problems like dislocated shoulder blades, back problems, bad form when working out, horrible posture, things like that) but I keep trying though. At least I’m not obese or overweight though so that’s a great thing. I don’t work either though I keep applying to jobs but pretty much no one ever calls me to hire me. And because of that I’m so broke and that’s adding to my depression. I’m a severe Internet addict, I started using the Internet here and there when I was in Elementary School but it was a few times only. I really started using the Internet a lot when I got into Middle School, especially around 7th Grade/8th Grade. Then slowly and surely after that I started using it more and more and more. Around 2010/2011 I created my very first Facebook account (This was also around the time I started getting addicted to PMO big time), then in 2013 I created an Instagram, Kik, then later on I created a Twitter and Snapchat account etc. Eventually my parents bought me my first laptop, then I bought an iPod touch 5 later on, then a while after that bought my first ever phone, it was the iPhone 6 Plus. I was also highly addicted to video games in my teens as well, but I pretty much stopped playing any games from a couple years ago. I’ve been M’ing literally since I was very little, sometimes I didn’t even know what I was doing but I was always just very horny for some reason. I first seen P from a very very young age unfortunately, first in magazines and then later on the Internet, around 2007 when I turned 11. I’ve been addicted to PMO ever since. I had a couple of “girlfriends” years ago but they were all fake, long distance online relationships and none of them ever lasted either. All those “relationships” were very short and the girls started making fun of me and dumping me. I suffer from a lot of different things really. I might write more about this on my account if I have the time but I don’t know. I’ve first came across Nofap (And NoSurf, all the productivity/Self Improvement type Subreddits) sometime back in 2017 or 2018. All of the stories and benefits that I’ve read and still reading has motivated me and inspired me so much that I wanted to give it a shot and try to get on a pretty long streak. I just wanted to say that you guys are all so awesome and inspiring for doing this and I sincerely appreciate you all. You really motivate me a lot to get on Nofap and stick with it. Without you all I don’t know what I’d do with my life. I’ve been really trying to do Nofap seriously since Spring 2019, but I’ve still been unsuccessful and I just can never get past a week without relapsing every time. And it’s incredibly frustrating but I still keep trying to do it though. I’m not giving up though I will keep on trying to improve and get better and trying to do Nofap successfully (God Willing). Because that’s the difference between a winner and a loser, a winner never quits no matter what happens unlike the loser. I genuinely apologize for ranting here, but I just felt like I kind of needed to explain my situation and my struggles with doing Nofap. I’m not giving up like I said so here it goes, back to the beginning again: Day 0 on this challenge, Day 0 on Nofap No PMO.
Thanks for sharing my friend. No need to apologize, sharing helps everybody, both you and us. I relate to many aspects of your story. My mom also committed suicide, when I was 11 years old. I also lived at home until my mid-twenties. Losing the emotional connection with my mother also affected me very much, my PMO addiction really blew up starting from that time. I don't know what kind of smartphone you have, but I setup Screen Time on my iPhone to block all forms of internet, with a random passcode that I have since forgotten. It's been really helpful. Let's keep fighting this. God bless.
