Day 78/90 Not much to report today! Long work day including overtime. Early night after some food. Living the dream
2/90- It's been a day where I have had to come to terms with the fact that my toxic shame is still 'living' deep within me. I argued with my younger sister yesterday and she said things that made me feel defective and useless. Until today, I feel worthless. This is my toxic shame in action. I really need to go back to the basics and deal with it the way I had done late last year. I think this inner work will take a couple of years to get through. The positive thing is that I didn't relapse. I distracted myself by binging on YouTube videos and shorts. I have decided that I will make recovery the number 1 priority in my life. No one is going to make me feel defective, worthless or inadequate again. I will build my self image and do the inner work required no matter what it takes. August Challenge (August 11th) Wake up at 6am or earlier: 6/31 Take a Cold Shower Daily: 6/31 No YouTube: 6/31 No social media (Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr, Reddit e.t.c): 9/31 No using my phone in bed: 0/31 (Failed) Read at least 4 books: Book 1 [12 Week Year: 64.8% complete]; Book 2[15 Invaluable Laws of Growth: 15.9% Complete] Run 50 KM: 18.76 KM (+3.1) Software/Web Development Learning (120 hours in aggregate minimum): 12 hrs 38 mins 3000 pushups: 350 5000 ab crunches (Different Variations): 430 2000 air squats: 180 Complete Workshop at recoverynation.com: Lesson 50 of 73
Day 79 Feels really good not feeling like a zombie 24/7 and being able to look people in the eyes again without feeling shame and anxiety. I use to hide from people in public just to avoid a conversation. I don't EVER want to go back to feeling like that.
