Huge Win Today!

This is my latest journal entry but I wanted to put it here too because, I'm sorry, I'm just very proud of myself today, but I FUCKING DID IT!!!

I passed my biggest personal challenge yet. Last night, my children were away on a sleepover and my wife stayed with her mom all night since her husband, my father-in-law passed away a few weeks ago and she was going through a rough time.

Keep in mind, when I've had the house to myself for even 1/2 hour I would think "fap time!!" Almost without thinking, I'd just do it. I'd get excited to have the house to myself, to be alone and do whatever I wanted.

My mind was going crazy. The PMO monster in my head was throwing every weapon in it's arsenal at me last night. Bringing up images and crazy rationalizations, whispering in my ear "go on, it'll feel better, just once, don't worry about it" "You don't even have to look at porn, just enjoy one". But I ignored it, I fell asleep and this morning, he was even louder. Sweating, racing heartbeat, shaky hands. My God, is THIS withdrawal?

It's like the monster knew I was actively trying to fight him. I could almost feel him scratching desperately at the walls in my head, begging for me to feed him the porn and dopamine he craves and I starved him today! I'm going to do my damnedest to continue to starve him and deprive him until he fucking dies!

I was home alone all night long and most of this morning and I neither touched myself or looked at a single dot of erotic imagery. I kept busy. I did laundry, cleaned the house, had a movie on (not a porno) anything I could do to keep my mind off of my libido.

Now I have to leave for my SAA meeting in 10 minutes and when I get home my family will be back. Then we will be joined at the hip for the next week because we're leaving for Florida in about 6 hours.

For me, this is a HUGE triumph! I mean seriously. I have never been able to resist this long when I've had the house to myself so long. I honestly didn't think I was going to be able to do it.

I can do this, it's going to be hard as hell, but I think I CAN do this!!

 

Sorry I haven't posted a reply in a while to this thread. I've been out of town. But all of the well-wishes and messages of support strengthen me and they are SO appreciated. Thank You!

And I wish all of you nothing but success in all of your personal journeys as well. It IS possible to overcome this.