Fantastic! Thanks for sharing this. Augustine was a true genius and I am in awe of the insight he gained and provided for us almost 1700 years ago. St. Augustine humbles me and reminds me that there is a great deal of wisdom to be found through gifted thinkers who have turned their talents to understanding God and His Son throughout the last 2000 years. We ignore these Saints at our peril.
I stumbled yet again. Why does this keep happening? I know how the devil deceives and how I am tempted to do the wrong things. Yet when I give in, I know it is wrong and I know that it won't quince my thirst for love but I still do it. Why? How can I ever be free from this sin?
Prior to your post today, the last activity I see for you was two months ago. Maybe you could consider daily check-ins with a team of trusted APs? You get out of recovery what you put into it. When it is your top priority and you work on it every single day, you will make progress. Until you decide this fight merits your full attention, I am not sure you will get very far.
You are right, it should be my top priority. The only problem is that when it is going well, I'd rather not think about NF and PMO too much, because this sets my mind constantly on being addicted while I strive to be free from that sin and how can I be if I keep thinking about it. Perhaps I should be more patient, because I know that without NF my chances grow slimmer. About the trusted team of APs, I had an AP a little while ago but that didn't work out that well. Where do I find trusted APs?
As a child, I heard this phrase ad-nauseam from my mother and I admit I am still a bit sick of it, nevertheless it makes obvious sense. "Winners never quit and quitters never win." I like much better the one given to me by TaoJones - "Freedom is worth any price". I feel certain everyone here has been through the difficult stage you are going through. You are not alone. Please accept that it truly is the devil whispering in your ear when you feel it is hopeless. I assure you it is not. Yes, it is difficult; beating an addiction is never easy. Some have said that beating a drug habit is easier than beating PMO. I don't know about that but I do know that I am not a person with incredible self-control but with God's push, pull, encouragement and guidance, I have found freedom and I am completely certain He wants the same for you. When Christ insisted on washing the feet of His apostles, He was not only showing us how to be humble, He was also showing His apostles, and the generations following them, that He was sent to wash us clean. He alone can cleanse our conscience of shame. He alone can make us new people, truly born anew. Pray, pray, pray with your heart for Christ to fight your temptations and seek the guidance and encouragement of all those who have been given this wonderful, wholly underserved, gift.
How do we stay close enough to PMO to not forget how terrible it is but far enough away from it that we do not fall into it ourselves? The answer is simple: Help others in their recovery. Which answers your question: This site is full of people helping others in recovery as part of their own recovery work. I am one of them. Follow the journals of those you find helpful and ask them directly if they would be willing to serve as an AP. That is how I have formed the AP network I currently enjoy and benefit from each day.
Things are going very well. Last week I focused on bringing sinful thoughts to Christ and let Him take them away. Eventhough I had a little bit of a set back today, it is such a relief that I am not alone but Christ is always with me. Some time ago, a preacher explained the name of JHWH or I Am Who I Am, as God telling us "I am there" or "I am with you". This has been my comfort since I heard it. I know that more difficult times will come and I know that I am no match for the devil. But His peace is with me. I don't have to fight anymore.
2 months of no PMO, thank God! The first month flew by, but the second month was filled with a lot of temptations. Some days it seems like my mind is only able to produce sexual thoughts. I am still struggling in committing these thoughts to Jesus Christ. Lots of progress still has to be made. The journey is not over yet. I was reading one of the chapters of Deuteronomy this morning and it made me see that I am like the people of Israel, I too was in a land of slavery and God is leading me to a land filled with blessings. Though the difficult times make it feel like a desert, I know His intentions for me are good and I often experience His nearness when I am at my weakest. I look forward to Him bringing me on the place where He wants me and enjoying all the rich gifts that He still has in store for me. Deuteronomy 8:3 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.
Congrats on two months of sobriety. Temptation will come in waves, enjoy the lull periods (which will get longer and longer) and stay strong during the stormy periods. The evil one will seek a chance to get back in, stay prepared and stay free.
"Lust is a poor, weak, whimpering, whispering thing compared with that richness and energy of desire which will arise when lust has been killed." - C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce
Saying no to M has been going very well these past couple of months. Saying no to lustful thoughts, on the other hand, is becoming more and more difficult. I am glad these are no thoughts on P, but still they can be very unsettling. I suppose it is a side effect of coming further, which motivates me. The mental contrast between living more in freedom and living in submission to PMO is probably becoming larger as well. Nevertheless, it feels like the pressure is building to a point I can't handle it anymore. During lectures at university there is a constant supply of sexual thoughts that is bothering me, even to such an extent that it is sometimes difficult to focus on school work or even on bible reading. I should say that one of the reasons I think this is happening, is because I haven't been very active on NoFap. When I started, a couple of months back, I had two accountability partners and this was a motivation to return daily to NoFap. Unfortunately, both of them have decided to battle PMO outside of NoFap, which demotivates me to return daily. To tell you the truth, I am always a bit scared of going into this with such a degree of fanaticism that NoFap will become my religion. I have stumbled with this on previous occasions, that by being zealous in this respect I turn my gaze only on myself instead of on my Father. Therefore, I try no to keep track of my day-count too much (must admit that I do know the date when I last PMO'ed) and I try not to get angry with myself whenever I have lustful thoughts about a girl. I hope that after I have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:10,11) I guess my question is: how do you strike that golden middle road between being a NoFap fanatical and trusting Jesus to conform you to His image?
Get fanatical about Jesus himself and taking every thought captive for him. This is central to the work of the disciple. Get obsessed with helping others in their journey toward freedom and purity. As you do, you will be helping yourself, too. There is no such thing as balance, only priorities. Make sure yours are ordered correctly, and then go after them with everything you've got. Leave nothing in reserve. Christ himself will provide all that you need to accomplish the work he has given you to do.
The above is sound advice. Being a nofap fantatic won't work at all. Be fanatical about Christ. Be fanatical about connection with God, others, yourself (in a healthy way--awareness of emotions and healthy rest). That is what will kill off the lustful thoughts.
I remember pressure like this all too well. If I could go back in time and give some advice to myself during these times it would focus on prayer. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a heart to heart conversation with Our Merciful Lord? Wouldn't it be wonderful to be wrapped in His loving arms, lay your head on His chest and feel His unstrained mercy and love wash over you and through you? I would then ask myself, what have you read and done to understand how to pray from the heart? Do you give God seconds of your time while giving minutes, hours and days to lust? Why not turn this on its head? Why not spend time with God right now, seeking deliverance from evil and apprehension in exchange for the wonderful peace, love and purity of Christ.
http://www.onthewing.org/user/CS Lewis - Little Red Lizard.pdf One of my favorite things Lewis ever wrote.
@Rebooter2022 thank you. Since I posted that message I have been blessed in overcoming lustful thoughts and handing them over to Christ. It still happens sometimes that I don't immediately realize that lust is making its way into my head, but with the help from people on this forum it is going significantly better. When Tao Jones posted about becoming fanatical about Jesus, I didn't really know what it meant. But as it is going much better in submitting my fears and addictions to Christ, I start to experience more what it means to put Christ first in everything that I do. When my thoughts are not clouded with lust, it is much easier to let them be in awe of the beauty of our Creator. @CPilot yes, it is amazing how a prayer from the heart drives away the temptations. Actually a couple of nights ago I was seriously tempted when I tried to fall asleep. I kept praying while I was still lying in bed, but somehow that didn't feel to be helping. So I got out of bed, went on my knees and prayed for God to take away the temptations. They were gone in an instant. I know I will run into another moment of serious temptation as time passes on, but as it is in the story of the red lizard, I am starting to realize that the lust that is occupying us is something that we have to give to Christ as some sort of offering. We leave this behind to follow Him. 24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it (Matthew 16). @RedeemedIowan It is in chapter 11. One of the best chapters in that book if you ask me, but it can't be excluded from the whole story. When we are going further up and further in to meet Him, everything that we bring with us must be overcome and submitted to Him. So that we can truly be who He intended us to be. Thanks @Tao Jones , there are so many layers in every line that Lewis writes. I love that song at the end. So mystical and yet so true.
